


These Days

by julesbeauchamp



Category: Outlander
Genre: F/M, High School Reunion, Modern AU, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-05-17 00:58:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 75,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14822196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julesbeauchamp/pseuds/julesbeauchamp
Summary: Jamie and Claire meet again at their high school reunion, 20 years after their last kiss.





	1. Chapter 1

_Jamie stood there and watched her disappear behind the security doors, never to return again._

It has been twenty years since Claire Beauchamp had been on Scottish soil, it seemed like an eternity yet everything looked the same and it was as if she had left yesterday.  As soon as the cold air hit her face, she remembered how in love she was with Edinburgh, not in any colloquial way, she was in love with the city the way you love the first person who ever touches you and you never love anyone quite that way again.

The city was full of memories. After a tram ride from the airport to the hotel, she came to the bittersweet realisation that every memory brought her back to her time with James Fraser.

_Jamie._

Memories of their early breakfasts in a little Italian cafe near the Royal Mile, the mornings at the Scottish National Gallery or the afternoons spent laying on the grass at Princes Street Gardens. Their first kiss under the pouring rain and the last, at the airport before her departure for Harvard and her new life in Boston. It was the last time she saw him and she had never been able to forget the look in his deep blue eyes begging her to stay while his mouth remained silent.

What was said about never forgetting your first love in countless books and love songs wasn’t a lie and the most irritating thing about cliches,  she decided, was how frequently they were true. Jamie was not the kind of man easily forgotten, quite the contrary, and after twenty years, he was still very much present in her mind.

********  
The reunion was being held in the gymnasium and the decoration reminded Jamie of prom night. Though a lot less tacky and with more access to alcohol. He wore his kilt for the occasion and he was excited to see and catch up with everyone.

As he looked around, his palms suddenly became inexplicably sweaty and his heart started to beat faster, as he looked at the door, Claire walked in and he was reminded of the effect she had on him whenever she was around.  It was like the first day of high school all over again and the exact moment his eyes laid on her for the first time.

She looked the same, yet the way she carried herself was different, she was more confident, something he granted to her successful career as a surgeon. Her face was still like porcelain with some lines near her eyes that were not there the last time he had seen her. The lines were caused by laughter and it pained him to think he wasn’t the one who made her laugh for the last twenty years. Her hair was still unbehaved, just the way he liked it and the image of her face after they made love came back to him.

The woman who walked in was his Claire but at the same time, she was a stranger.

“James, darling?” A soft voice interrupted his thoughts and he realized it was the one belonging to his wife.

“Oh, aye?” He looked at her with an absent smile.

“I said we should join the others at the table over there.” She smiled and kissed his cheek, pointing to Rupert, Angus and company.

He nodded, still not listening to her properly and eyes on Claire. “I’ll join ye in a minute, I have to say hello to someone first, Mary.”

She nodded and smiled “Okay, don’t be too long!”

Jamie drowned his whisky as quickly as he could, needing all the liquid courage he could get before Claire would spot him. The fact that she came alone was a relief to him and he very well knew how selfish the simple thought was, even more since he was not here alone.

He started walking towards her when her eyes finally found his and her smile released the butterflies stuck in his stomach for too long.

“Claire.” The name he didn’t dare to pronounce in twenty years escaped his lips quicker than intended and he realized how much he had missed saying it.

“Jamie.” Claire smiled, not just looking more confident, but even sounding it. And from up close, she was even more beautiful.

Twenty years is long enough to erase a bond between lovers and friends, yet there was certain bond so strong that it was impossible to break. This was something Jamie had always been sure of but now, standing in front of Claire as if only two minutes had passed since their last meeting, he was certain of it.

“Ye look…” Jamie stopped mid-sentence, biting his lower lip before the word beautiful would come out and instead smiled, “Ye look well.”

“So do you, Jamie.” Claire returned the compliment and smiled “Where are the others?”

“Oh aye, over there.” Jamie pointed at the table with their group of friends. “Come, they’ll be so happy to see ye again!” Instinctively, he took her hand and lead her to them.

“Claire!” Geillis exclaimed and got up at once before throwing her arms around Claire and hugging her. Geillis was Claire’s best friend and fellow library rat. She was also the one who introduced her to Jamie. They had stayed in contact during all those years and met up from time to time since Geillis, a fellow doctor, was also working in Boston. They talked about Jamie sometimes and what was going on in his life.

“Hey, darling!” Claire let go of Jamie’s hand and hugged her friend close, happy to see her.

Geillis grinned, not failing to notice their hands. “Ye look gorgeous, Claire!”

“Aye, ye do,” Rupert smirked and got up too. “Even better than before, Beauchamp.”

Claire chuckled and grinned, happy to see this big teddy bear again. “Shut up and come here, Rupert!”

Rupert lifted her up, making her laugh “It’s good to see ye back in Scotland.”

“It’s good to be back,” Claire smirked as he put her down “And to see you all.”

“Hello,”  Came from a voice behind Claire. Turning around, she looked at a blonde woman who smiled politely. “You must be Claire, I’m Mary Fraser. Jamie’s wife.”

_Jamie’s wife._

Claire knew about this from Geillis but the lump in her throat reminded how the news had gone down the first time.

“Nice to meet you.” Claire returned a sincere smile. No matter how she wished things with Jamie could be different if he chose this woman to be his wife, it meant she was a good person and at the end of the day, Claire only wanted his happiness.

********

Claire disappeared quickly after the introduction with the excuse of needing to use the bathroom but she simply ended up in the library.

Walking through the rows fuelled with memories, she reminisced about her school years passed within these walls and how it shaped the shy teenager she was in her first year to the strong-minded young woman when she left.

“I thought I’d find ye here, Sassenach.”

Claire remembered the first time she heard Jamie call her that. She didn’t like it one bit, but as she got to know him and fall in love, even more, she knew he meant it as a term of endearment.

Turning around, Claire looked at Jamie, a sweet smile on his face as he held up two glasses of whisky, “Would ye join me for a wee dram? For old time’s sake?”

Claire smiled his accent music to her ears still after all these years. “Yes, I have not had a good whisky in a while.”

“Aye, ye canna get better than this.” He smiled and handed her the glass, their hands briefly touching for a second. His eyes wandered and found hers, as a young lad, Jamie had more than once got drunk on their whisky Colors.

“Are you saying that because you make it?” Claire smirked and sat down on the floor.

“Taste it and ye’ll ken I’m no’ lying.” Jamie laughed as he sat down her to her.

Claire smiled and raised her glass “Slainte.”

“Slainte,” Jamie responded and watched her attentively as she tasted the whisky and licked her lips. He remembered the distinct taste of sweet mixed tanginess and he wondered if it was still the same.

“It is indeed delicious.” Claire looked at him with a smile. “Congratulations on the company, by the way. Geillis told me how well it is going for you, I’m very proud!”

“Thank ye, Claire. Truly.” He smiled and sipped his own drink, “Or should I call ye doctor now?”

Claire chuckled and shook her head “No, it’s alright. Doctor is for my patients and the first year interns I like to drive crazy.”

“Oh, so ye’re the mean kind of boss?” He raised his eyebrow “I canna really believe that. I ken ye are the best at yer job so some people will find ye scary. And ye must be professional and tough but I dinna believe ye would drive them crazy on purpose, but maybe I dinna ken ye very well anymore.”

_Silence._

“People change but not that much in twenty years, Jamie. I even don’t think they change at all, I just think they adapt to their situations and surroundings.” Claire said softly.

“Aye, ye’re right.” He looked at her and smiled, adding,“Ye always are. That dinna change for sure.”

Claire smirked, “I am not going to contradict you.”

“Yer hair didn’t change for sure…” He sipped his drink, fighting the urge to stroke a stray curl behind her ear.

“Oh no, still Medusa. Actually, the older I get, their behaviour gets even worse.” chuckling, she ran her elegant long fingers through her curls.

“Mo nighean donn.” Jamie said softly.

The first time he called her that was after they had made love for the very first time. It was at Lallybroch, Jamie’s childhood home during the Christmas holidays, in his bedroom while everyone had left home for some last minute gifts. It had been clumsy and funny, but also perfect as their bodies met and became one. The meeting of the souls as powerful as the meeting of the flesh.

“I’m starting to get  a few white hairs, actually.” She admitted touching her hair.

“Dinna worry, I’ll have a Gaelic name for ye then too.” Jamie looked at her and smiled softly. When he was a lad, he was sure he’d see her hair turn grey but life doesn’t always turn out the way you’d expect.

“So, how is Boston treating ye?” Jamie quickly changed the subject before all the things he wanted to tell her would pour out of his heart.

“Boston treats me alright.” not as good as you would - she almost added but instead took another sip of whisky.

“Aye, I’m glad to hear. So…uhm,” he ran his hand on the bad of his neck “Are ye seeing someone?”

Claire nodded “I am, actually. Luke is a fellow surgeon and I’ve been seeing him for two years now. I didn’t really have time for more than work before that if I’m honest.”

Jamie felt the jealousy bone-deep and with it all the regrets of not asking Claire to stay all those years. He was the one convincing her to leave after getting her scholarship but Deep down, he knew Claire was destined to be a doctor.

“How long have you been married?” Claire asked, even if she knew the answer.

“Three years, we’ve been together for five. Aye, Jenny introduced me to Mary.”

“Mary seems like a very nice woman,” Claire looked at him“I’m happy for you.”

It wasn’t a lie, the only thing she wanted was for him to be happy, happier than she could make him but what she didn’t know, was that no one could make him as happy as she did, all those years ago.

“Why didn’t ye marry me?” Jamie spoke softly and the question came out of nowhere but he needed to know.

“Well you didn’t ask me”

“I was scared ye would say no.”

“I wouldn’t have,” Claire admitted softly, looking at his eyes. He knew as well as she did that she would have said yes, even if they were eighteen and two fools in love.

Brown crashed against blue and time stopped, taking them back on that rainy evening walking on the royal mile and their very first kiss. Claire cleared her throat before it was too late.

“I think we should go back to the others, I can hear Rupert and Angus’ remarks already.” She finished her drink quickly and got up before Jamie had the time to agree.

“Aye, we should,” Jamie looked up at her and got up. “If I forget to tell ye later, I’m really glad I’ve seen ye again, Claire.”

Claire looked at Jamie and without a word wrapped her arms around him. Standing there, she simply held him close, erasing the burden of those twenty years apart. Jamie cradled her head, finally touching her soft curls, as soft as the last time he had and closed his eyes.

“You are a great man, James Fraser.” Claire looked up and smiled, eyes beaming with the love she still had for him.

“Without ye, I wouldn’t be half the man I today, Claire…..” Jamie admitted with a smile, placing a kiss on her forehead. “Claire?”

“Yes?”

“Before ye leave, we should grab a coffee. Only if ye have the time and if ye…” Jamie had no time to finish that Claire answered.

“Yes. Yes, we should.” Claire smiled and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

_I love you._

Three unspoken words hung heavily in the air surrounding them and as they made their way back to the party, being the only two people unaware of the reality of their situation.


	2. Old Time's Sake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire meet up for a coffee before Claire has to fly back to Boston and reopen some unfinished business.

_Claire held Jamie close, her head buried in the crook of his neck. In the distance, she could hear the call for her flight to Boston, the flight that would change her life forever. She wasn’t ready and if Jamie hadn’t convinced her, she wouldn’t have accepted the scholarship._

_She tried to memorise every feature of his face. The way the sun hit his hair, giving it the colour of fire, his deep blue eyes, the ones she had drowned in many times. She was afraid she’d forget it all, that she’d forget the way he called her name or the way he looked at her like no one else ever did._

_“Mo nighean donn, it’s time,” Jamie said softly, hearing the sound his heart made as it broke in two. It was sharp, quick, and painful but for her, he would endure it all. He couldn’t follow her to America, or he would have - and gladly. But his father was sick and needed him to run things at Lallybroch, a fact that left Jamie with no other choice than to let the love of his life go away, to become the doctor she was always supposed to be._

_Claire looked at him, her whisky eyes puffy from crying as she nodded. “I love you, James Fraser.”  And I hate you, for letting me go, she almost added._

_“And I ye, Claire.” His thumbs brushed her tears away as he held her face into his palms like it was the most precious thing in the world. He tasted her lips for the last time and felt the promises of their future together slipping away. Silently, he prayed to have enough courage to let her go and not beg on his knees for her to stay. “Take care, Sorcha.” His whisper was barely audible and his vision blurred from unshed tears._

_“You too, my love.” Claire rarely used the term to call him and the two other times she did were after the first time she told him she loved him and the morning after their first night together. It was a sacred word, something she only let slip for special occasions, and today was the last time she could do it._

********

Claire had agreed to meet Jamie for coffee the day after the reunion, but she’d almost cancel last minute if it hadn’t been for Geillis’ persuasion.

She spent most the night awake, partly due to jet lag but mostly because of James Fraser. Her memories and their conversation during the reunion, everything had been the same, except for the silver ring he had been wearing on his left ring finger. The brief moment she surrendered to sleep, he was there again, taking over her dreams with images of the life they could have had.

 _A coffee to catch up with an old friend, that wasn’t unusual._ But Jamie wasn’t just an  _old_  friend. He had not only been her best friend but also the love of her life, and last night, she had realized how twenty years didn’t even slightly erase the feelings she had towards him. And during her years in Boston, he was constantly around her, like a ghost, looking over her.

She laid awake that night, thinking about all the letters she wrote him but never sent, and all the times she whispered how much she loved him but he wasn’t there to hear it. Now they were reunited, meeting for a coffee.

_Just a coffee._

Claire had known he was married but actually meeting  _the_  Mrs Fraser left a sour taste in her mouth. Mary seemed like a sweet woman and Claire was sure she made Jamie happy. If he chose her after all, there must have been a reason. She didn’t want to know about his life with her if they had children or planning to have, where they went on honeymoon or if Mary was a good cook. It was too painful.

Claire stood in front of her mirror in her underwear and stared at the tiny J tattooed on her side. They had gotten matching tattoos on the eve of her departure for Boston, with the need to be marked by the other forever. She hadn’t look at it, really looked, in a long time, and she wondered if Jamie still had his and how Mary felt every time she laid eyes on it. It took her longer than usual to get ready, fussing with her hair and with her outfit -  _nothing looked quite right_. Claire eventually opted for dark jeans, a silk white shirt and a pair of converse. She threw her trench coat over it and called it a day.

********

They had agreed to meet at a bakery near Royal Mile, an old place Jamie used to bring Claire after school to share tea and scones when they were only friends and not yet lovers. When Claire walked inside she realized that nothing had changed, and the sight transported her twenty years prior, to the same smell of warm croissants in the air mixed with freshly grounded coffee. Quickly scanning the room, she realized Jamie wasn’t there yet and decided to sit down at their usual table, near the window. She was nervous and excited, but mostly afraid.

Claire ordered a peppermint tea while waiting for Jamie and watched life going by in the street. Edinburgh was the other love she had left behind when she left for America and like Jamie, her feelings toward the city hadn’t change one bit.

Lost in her thoughts, Claire wasn’t aware of Jamie on the other side of the road, watching her and gathering his courage to go in. He, too, almost cancelled. He was too afraid to face her again, and risk unwillingly spilling his secrets about how much he had missed her.

Finally, Jamie walked into the bakery and their eyes met when Claire looked up and smiled. He felt sixteen again, back to the day of their first date, with his sweaty palms and butterflies in his stomach. The fact that she looked even more lovely didn’t help matters a lot. He had dreamt of her all night, of her body against his and the sound of her voice moaning his name, the simple reminder sending a shiver through his body as he made his way to the table- _their table._

“I see ye still enjoy the window’s view,” Jamie said with a smile.

“Old habits.” She smiled, getting up instinctively. Twenty years ago, they would have kissed for a bit but today, Claire simply placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before sitting down quickly again.

“Aye, I ken those.” He said, sitting down as well. “I hope I didn’t keep ye waiting for long, ye ken me and my punctuality.”

Claire chuckled softly. “Didn’t get better with age, as I can see. But no, I’ve only been here for ten minutes and I was too busy noticing how this place hasn’t changed and I got a…”

“Peppermint tea.” Jamie interrupted her with a smile.“Still yer favourite?”

Claire nodded and smiled “Old habits again.”

“I’ll get one too. Do ye want scones?” Jamie asked, fully aware of her answer.

“You know I do.” Claire smiled and watched him getting up again to go to the counter and order.

Jamie came back with his order and a smile on his beautiful face and sat down. “Best scones in the city.”

“I missed those.” Claire admitted and sipped her tea before she could say  _“and you”._

Jamie cut one in half and covered it with butter and jam before handing it to her. “Here ye go, doctor.”

Their hands touched slightly as Claire picked it up and took a bite.

The feeling of the warm scone in her mouth and the sight of Jamie sitting in front of her.

_She was home._

“This is exactly the way I remembered it.” Claire smiled, her whisky eyes turning slightly lighter with pleasure. “Or maybe I’m biased because I missed it so much.”

“Nay, I dinna ken how they do it, but it’s still the best.” He watched her with a smile. “How long are ye staying?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” She said and the smile disappeared from her face.

“Thank ye for agreeing to grab some coffee wi’ me. Even if it’s tea.” His mouth curled up into a smile.

“I’m glad you asked me, it’s been awhile I’ve seen your face.” Her fingers curled around her warm mug.

“Aye, the reunion was fun, but selfishly I’m glad to have ye all to myself a bit, to catch up and all.” He admitted, not meeting her eyes.

“I… I hope your wife doesn’t mind.” Claire took another bite of scone to stop her mouth from talking.

“Ouch no, Mary doesn’t mind.”

“Do you have kids?” The question escaped her.

“No… It’s no’ for a lack of trying though.” He shrugged, not aware of the effect his words had on her.

“I’m sorry, Jamie.” She said sincerely.

“It’s no’ yer fault, Sassenach. Maybe I’m just not meant to be a father.”

“You two could adopt.” Claire proposed, wondering why she even acted remotely interested in the subject of Jamie having children with someone else but her.

“Mary doesna want an orphan.”

The word cut through her heart like a surgeon’s scalpel. “Orphans are not a plague.” She said flatly, making him realise what he had just said. An orphan herself, he was one of the few people who knew about her childhood and how she had felt back then.

“Claire, no. I didn’t mean it like that… She’s just afraid, is all.”

“I guess adoption is not for everyone.” She added coldly, closing the topic.

Jamie nodded and sipped his tea, hiding behind the mug before quickly changing the subject. “Too bad ye’re not staying longer, I would have given ye a tour of the distillery.”

“Is it at Lallybroch?” The name brought back endless memories of their time there, together.

“Aye.”

“Well, I know my way around there quite well. Maybe if I come back next time, you can show me around.”

“Will ye come back?” He asked softly.

“I haven’t thought about it yet. I’m pretty busy in Boston, so it’s not easy to take trips the way I would like to.”

Jamie nodded. “Aye, I get it. I’m proud of ye, though. I’m sure you’re a great doctor.” He said, smiling.

She shrugged. “I try.”

“Give yerself more credit than that. I ken ye, and ye were not someone who only tried.” His hand rested on hers and his thumb stroked her knuckles, sending shivers down her body. He wasn’t wrong, she did more than just trying. “Is it hard?”

Claire nodded. “Yes, it is. They are good days and bad days. Sometimes you save people and sometimes you can’t, and that doesn’t mean you’re a bad doctor. I had to learn to compartmentalize in order to continue. Every patient you lose stays with you somehow and you wonder if there was something more you could have done.”

“Ye were really born to heal, Claire. I never doubted this for even one second. And I’m no’ talking only about bodies. I remember when we met, ye healed my soul back then.” His voice was soft, recalling his state after his mother’s passing and how meeting Claire had been a balm to his soul.

With her hand still entwined with his, Claire smiled. “But you healed me too, somehow.”

“Maybe I should have been a doctor instead of a making whisky?” He raised his eyebrow with a smile. “But nay, I couldn’t bear the pain. Ye’re far stronger than I am for that, too.”

Claire shook her head. “I’m not, you just learn to be. You should have seen me the day I lost my first patient.” She spoke softly, closing her eyes for a second.

“Do ye want to tell me about it?” Jamie just knew how she needed it, because he needed it too, the chance to cover a bit of the void.  

“Her name was Lilly and she was four years old.” Claire started, looking down at her mug. “She was involved in a bad car accident with her parents.” She paused, letting the words sink into her stomach. A car accident, the same as the one she survived when she was five. “The car hit a wall at full speed after the breaks broke and both parents died right then, but not the little girl. I should have known it was doomed from the start, but I thought I could save her, even when I saw how bad her injuries were. I thought I could because I survived all that when I was about her age. After six hours in the surgery room, my hands just couldn’t anymore, her little body was too damaged and her heart couldn’t keep up.” Claire said softly, chin shaking and swallowing back her tears. “It’s been years now, but I still think about her.”

Jamie’s heart broke for her, but mostly because he wasn’t there that day to comfort her like he should have. His hand touched her cheek carefully, afraid she would shrink away from his touch, but instead, her skin warmed up and their eyes met. Unspoken words of twenty years pouring out of them. _I’m sorry. I love you. I should have been there with you._

“Jamie…” The memory of the loss and the days after, when Claire hid in her house alone, with eyes puffy from crying, made something inside her click. “Would you come to my hotel with me?” She had no right to ask him such a thing, the distant thought of Mary and Luke creeping upon her but she didn’t care. She needed him, at least one last time. “For old time’s sake.” She added before he could answer as if this declaration would change his already made up mind.

“Aye” He rasped “I will.”

********

The walk to the hotel had been silent and Claire was thankful it wasn’t far from the bakery. She knew it was a bad idea. Terrible, even. But she had spent the last twenty years thinking rationally and she was simply tired.

_She wanted him and she would have him._

The elevator was crowded, preventing them to ravish one another there and then, but as they walked to her room, the air seemed dry and static, leaving an electric tension between their bodies. Claire avoided his eyes purposely. In that corridor, they were still ex-lovers, both involved with other people, but as soon as they stepped inside the room and the door had been locked, it was like a time machine bringing them back twenty years in the past. When Claire wasn’t a doctor and Jamie wasn’t someone else’s husband.

Finally, Claire looked into his eyes and she asked softly. “Are you really okay with this?” She knew he should leave but she didn’t want him to.

“I am,” Jamie stepped closer, taking her hands in his. “Are ye?”

“Yes,” His scent was intoxicating, the mix of musk and patchouli so characteristic of him. “But… I need you to remove your ring.” She couldn’t bear the thought of the metal mingling with his touch reminding, her to whom he belonged.

Jamie nodded, and silently obliged to her request, putting his silver ring on the table.

 _Thank you_. Claire didn’t need to say it for him to hear the words, turns out twenty years didn’t erase their silent communication, either.

Claire watched him and panic started to creep in. It was one thing to ask him to come into her room, but it was quite another to remove her clothes in front of him. She was a confident woman, and even though she was aware of the effect she had on men, this was a different story. What she wasn’t aware of, was that Jamie felt exactly the same way and he waited for her to make the first move.

They were almost two strangers.  _Almost_ , because when their lips touched, their bodies reacted exactly the same way they did years ago. Just a kiss and they were strangers no more. It was tentative, at first, both too afraid not to make the other one run away, but it soon turned into something more. Twenty years of regrets and longing unleashed all hidden feelings in a matter of seconds, allowing them both to come undone for the first time since their parting.

Jamie reached out and freed her hair from their tie, revealing his favourite sight, Claire’s face framed by those crazy brown curls and before he realized it, the words left his mouth., “ _Mo nighean donn.”_  His hands travelled from her curls to her shirt and he opened her it slowly, each button yielding to his fingers and letting more of the delicate ivory skin show.

Their hands removed layer after layer delicately, like opening a present, and their eyes never broke contact. Finally, they were both standing naked in front of the other. Claire watched him watching her for a long moment before hiding her body and chuckling nervously. “Would you bloody well say something?”

“Christ, Claire. Ye are so beautiful.” His mouth curled into a smile as he reached to stroke her cheek.

“Are you as scared as I am?” She asked softly, touching the  _C_  inked on his chest.

“I suppose I must be afraid, aye.” He admitted with a smile and reached for her, pulling her closer, his hand resting on her lower back and her breasts against his chest. “Like that first time at Lallybroch, remember? I wanted ye so much… And ye look just as bonny right now.”

“Do you want me now?” She purred, her face coming closer to his as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Oh God yes.” He answered against her lips, his eyes darkened with lust. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so turned on. Well, he could. The last time he was with Claire.

They walked towards the bed, touching and kissing, their bodies different and yet the same. It was slow and passionate, the need to bring each other to oblivion battling with their desire never to finish but to expand their time together. The need to remain forever lost in that room, lost in each other, conquering everything. Finally, they rode the waves together, muscles contracting and hearts uniting, and fell asleep in each other’s arms. Like the used to do. Like they’d never do again.


	3. 3068 Miles

As a doctor, Claire knew the effect of tearing an old wound open. She was also aware of the pain it caused, as blood would drip out, making the cut raw again. Oh yes, she knew, but when it came to Jamie Fraser, Claire was careless and willing to get hurt time and again.

Making love to Jamie was a terrible idea and yet, there wasn’t an inch on her body regretting his touch. After twenty years, in his arms, she felt whole again. Even if it was for a brief time, it was enough. The peace he provided made her forget the outside world and her life in Boston. She felt bad for Luke, of course, and Mary, but Jamie had always belonged to her and Claire knew that meeting him again would be more than a friends’ reunion.

_And she had been right._

But reality came back quickly, too quickly. And it was time for goodbyes again. The same wall preventing them from being together, only with different circumstances this time: Careers, marriage and  _3068_  miles between their hearts.

Sitting on the plane back to Boston, supposedly twenty years wiser, Claire realised she was still the sixteen years old and crazy in love with that Scot. She’d always be, no matter what.

_____

_Jamie’s hand ran slowly over her back, drawing invisible patterns on her ivory skin, while Claire rested her head on his toned chest, kissing it from time to time. She stroked the tiny C marked over his heart and looked up at him, Jamie’s deep blue eyes looking intensely at her. “You still have it.”_

_“Aye, of course, I do,” he smiled, tucking a curl behind her ear._

_“What does Mary have to say about it?” Claire asked softly, seeing his face change as she pronounced the name of his wife._

_Jamie was not a cheater and he never took a vow lightly, but for Claire, he had known from the beginning that he’d do far worse than to break a promise._

_“We dinna really talk about it. She isn’t very fond of tattoos so ye can guess she isn’t thrilled at the idea of me sorting the initial of my ex-girlfriend for everyone to see when I’m no’ wearing a shirt.” Jamie smiled softly. “And as I can see ye kept it too.”_

_“Well, we did them before I left. I didn’t see the point of removing it. I see it as a reminder of how foolish I was at eighteen.” Claire joked and placed a kiss on his cheek before resting her head on his chest again, closing her eyes, soothed by the sound of his breathing and his heartbeat._

_Their hearts had been linked since birth, little did they know it at the time but the moment they had met, something clicked, something simply felt right. The heart was a complicated organ, tricky to heal and fragile, yet, it could endure pain and recover, even when all hope was lost._

_“Aye, we were foolish then,” Jamie said with a smile._

_“Very. Do you remember, when I danced on that bar and fell? That was one of my finest moments,” Claire laughed softly. It had happened a couple of weeks after they started dating. They were both hammered and celebrating their success at the exams at the local pub until the evening finished at the emergency room with a broken ankle for Claire._

_“Oh aye, I recall. Then I had to be yer nurse for weeks.” Jamie smiled. “But I guess we are probably still very much foolish, now.”_

_“Oh, you think so?” Claire asked amused. “I guess you are right, we still are. And Jamie?”_

_“Aye?”_

_“Thank you for coming in,” Claire said quietly, so quietly that he almost didn’t hear her._

_“Ye ken I would come in every time you ask me to, Sassenach.” Jamie lifted her chin, his blue eyes crashing against her whisky ones. Leaning down, he kissed her slowly and tenderly.  Silence enveloped them and they both wished for time to stop so they could stay like this forever. But it wasn’t that simple._

_They made love one last time, slowly, to make sure they memorized every detail of the other’s body and face. Jamie’s burning lips were desperate to stamp her body for the rest of time. Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp was his own and he was hers, their souls one of the same, separate in two bodies even before they had met and long after they will become dust._

_______

The first time Claire set foot in Boston, she was eighteen and heartbroken. For twenty years, she had learnt to live with a hole inside her heart, impossible to fill, no matter how hard she tried. She never really dated, until Luke, too busy with medical school during the day and thoughts of Jamie during the night. It took a while, but she finally accepted she would never find anyone like Jamie again. She had to finally live her life.

Geillis had gotten them on the same flight. A distraction Claire welcomed with open arms until her friend started to talk about the Scot.

“So, ye still haven’t told me how the coffee went. What did ye two talk about?” Geillis asked with a smirk, pouring the mini bottle of whisky in a plastic cup.

“We caught up on the last twenty years, that’s all.” Claire lied nonchalantly before taking a bite of a bland cookie.

“Ye think I’m going to believe that?” Geillis looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Yer phone was turned off for most of the day and you look like ye’ve been shagged by the Gods.”

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Geillis. Do you always have to be so loud?” Claire looked mortified as everyone in the plane turned their heads towards their row.  She wished she could disappear.

“What? It’s the truth! Yer hair is shiny, yer cheeks are flushed, ye glow! And I’ve seen how ye walked in the airport.” She grinned. “Ye look far more relaxed than when ye arrived.”

“Well, maybe I’m just happy to go back home?” Claire shrugged, her glass face betraying her for the millionth time.

“We just took off, I have approximately nine more hours to bug ye and ye ken how annoying and persuasive I can be, do ye not? If ye expect to sleep, ye should spill the tea, darling.” Geillis said, taking a sip of her drink.

“You’re lucky I really want to sleep,” Claire admitted, taking the cup out of her friend’s hand and took a sip as well. “Yes, I slept with Jamie again.”

“Of course ye did! Not that I can blame ye, everyone would do it.” Geillis smirked. “But that’s not the point, I want more deets.”

Claire sighed, closing her eyes for a second, images of her time with Jamie coming back in flashes of memory. “We had a coffee, at the same bakery we used to go when we were dating. We talked for a while as if we had never been apart…”

“Beauchamp, what are ye doing in this plane?!”

“Can you let me talk for a minute?” Claire sighed, not knowing the answer to that question, either. 

“Aye, go ahead. Ye’re lucky we’re in a plane and I canna throw ye out.”

“So, we were enjoying our drinks but then something clicked and I don’t know what came over me, I asked him if he would go back to the hotel with me… And he agreed. You can guess the rest.”

“I can, thank ye verra much,” Geillis smirked. “First of all, ye wee beast!”

Claire blushed, looking down at her hands. “That was extremely selfish.”

“Ye gotta be selfish, sometimes.” Geillis looked at her. “Claire? Do ye regret it?”

“No,” Claire answered without hesitation. “I tried to, but I simply don’t.”

“It’s good not to have regrets and be careless sometimes. Ye’ve lived for the last twenty years thinking about other people, it’s time ye start thinking about yerself.”

Claire simply nodded. “I just, I know I shouldn’t have tempted the devil.”

“I tempt the devil on a daily basis, it’s really nice.” Geillis winked. “I dinna ken how ye managed to make James Fraser cheat on his wife but that tells me there’s something he’s been missing all these years. So now, I’d like to ken why ye are sitting on this plane instead of being wi’ him?”

“Because it’s even more complicated than the first time we parted. Back then, he couldn’t follow me because he had to take care of his father and run the house. Now, he owns a business and he is married, while I have a successful career on the other side of the world and there’s Luke…”

“Oh please,” Geillis interrupted. “Yeah, Luke is hot and intelligent, he’s younger than ye and ye are his goddess, but don’t tell me that being wi’ him thrills ye even half as much as being wi’ Jamie used to do - and apparently still does.”

_Silence._

Claire tried to ignore the older woman sitting next to them, eavesdropping the entire conversation while Geillis’ words sank deep in her heart.

“Wi’ Jamie it’s on another whole level. It’s almost as if he’s the missing part, remember ye told me that plenty of times? Divorces exist for a reason and ye could get a job in Edinburgh. Ye ken everyone would die to have ye work at their hospital, so what’s the real reason here?”

“I have no right to ask him to leave Mary. They are married and happy, she is the perfect wife, taking care of the home and one day of the children, she doesn’t need to be independent and she asks for his input every two seconds. He is used to this now and I can’t provide such things to him.”

“Do ye even hear the complete nonsense ye’re saying? Yeah, Mary is a nice woman. There’s a lot of nice women out there and I do believe him marrying her was because, after fifteen years without you, he probably thought it was time to settle down with someone that was okay. Not amazing, but it was enough for him. But ye are more than a nice woman and I dinna think Jamie is the kind of man who deserves someone as bland as the cookie ye’re eating. Did he tell ye anything before he left the hotel? What did ye two talk about?”

“Geillis, please,” Claire begged. “What’s done is done, we’re both going back to our lives as if nothing happened and I just want to cherish this little thing he gave me after all these years and tuck it away inside a safe spot, that’s all. We didn’t discuss it, it’s as simple as that. The moment he got inside the room, we were eighteen again, until he kissed me one last time and walked out.”

“Sue me but I dinna understand why two people who share such a powerful thing waste it away for a boring life of plainness.” Geillis rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

“I’m not asking you to understand it, because I don’t quite understand it myself,” Claire said softly, swallowing back her tears. She knew Geillis was right but life doesn’t always work out the way you had planned. “I’m simply asking you not to beat me up about it. I know I should have stayed twenty years ago and everything would be different but I didn’t, and Il have to live with the consequences all my life.”

“Aye, but at the same time, ye could fix it. Ye are just afraid, and it’s okay to be.”

Claire nodded, a tear escaping her eye. “I am.”

“I always believed you two would eventually end up together. Maybe it’ll be at seventy years old, but it’ll happen again.” Geillis wrapped her arm around her friend’s neck and held her close for a moment. “How cute you two will be, all wrinkly and in love. Sitting on a bench in Edinburgh feeding the birds.”

Claire shook her head and buried her face in the crook of her neck “Stop it.”

“Fine,” the redhead smiled. It was enough.  “Let’s ask Susan for another mini bottle of whisky when she comes with her beverage cart. I think ye’re going to need it.” Geillis smiled softly and dried Claire’s cheek with a napkin.

“I’ll need more than one, Geil.” Claire chuckled softly.

“Dinna fash, I’ll take care of that.” Geillis winked.   
______

One month had passed by since Claire went back to Boston and to her life without Jamie. 

Her routine was back, yet she couldn’t tuck the scot away in her mind as her plan had been to do. He was present every minute, every day. When she had her tea in the morning, in the middle of a surgery, or even when she was in bed with Luke.

_Luke._

He had been an intern a couple of years ago, flirting with his resident over and over again until she gave up and finally accepted to grab a drink with him after a shift. They became fast friends and slowly, lovers. Truth be told, Luke had been a distraction. A little bit of fun in the middle of her chaotic life ruled by insane work hours and countless surgeries. She would come home after the hospital and get lost in him for a brief moment before succumbing to fatigue, where she would meet Jamie in her dreams. Luke was a great guy but he was not Jamie and she knew it wasn’t fair to compare the two.  _So she didn’t._

Once back in the city, Claire was relieved their schedules had been too crazy to have more than a few quiet dinners at her home, before falling asleep due to their long shifts and she was glad they had not been intimate since then, either. 

More than once, Claire had taken out her cell phone and typed a message to Jamie.  _\- Hey. - Hi, It’s me, Claire. - I love you._  More than once, she deleted the text and tucked her phone back into her pocket, trying to go back to her normal life.

_Normal._  The notion made her laugh, and not in an amusing way. 

Nothing about Claire Beauchamp was  _normal_. Not the mysterious death of her parents when she was only six, not her upbringing with Lamb, not her extreme intelligence and even less the powerful feeling of love she shared with Jamie which enveloped her entire being. A love like this one only existed in books and movies, not in real life. And yet, she had experienced it and its mundane normalcy, as if it was normal to feel this way about another human being. 

_Maybe, after all, it was._

Rumi once wrote, “The minute I heard my first love story – I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere – they’re in each other all along.” And Claire thought that truer words had never been spoken. Jamie had carried the other part of her soul and she did the same with him. He was born for her and she was born for him, it wasn’t more complicated than that.

Claire knew that when she’d resume her life she had to shield the pain away and continue to act as if nothing had happened. As if she hadn’t tasted what she could have had back in Scotland with Jamie. For the whole month Claire did a pretty good job, juggling shifts, life and Luke, lying to others but mostly to herself. Until one Tuesday morning, when Claire found herself sitting on the edge of her bathtub, staring at a pregnancy test with two pink lines staring right back at her.

_Shit._


	4. Questions

_Claire couldn’t keep the secret any longer. **  
**_

_The admission letter from Harvard had arrived three days ago and she couldn’t bring herself to open it. She hid it away from Jamie, too afraid to discover its content. Either she would be rejected from the university and be crushed with disappointment, or she would be accepted and she would have to leave her heart in Scotland, with Jamie. For him, it was out of the question to let her stay here if she was accepted and no matter what, he couldn’t follow her there, either – his father too ill to run the family business and waiting for his son to take over._

_“Sassenach?”Jamie called from the hall, removing his coat. He loved the scent of Claire’s apartment – patchouli and vanilla, and the memories of their kisses and shared secrets it brought him, forever stamped in the walls. Her apartment had slowly turned out to become theirs, with Jamie’s books and clothes laying around, his dirty converses by the door and the plaid of Fraser colours on the sofa._

_“I’m in the kitchen,” Claire said faintly, holding the letter tightly in her hand._

_“ I got ye those chemical doughnuts ye like so much from Tesco” He chuckled slightly, walking into the kitchen. “And the peppermint tea, of course.”_

_“Thank you” She looked at him, a smile not quite reaching her eyes._

_“Mo nighean donn, what is it?” He frowned, putting the bag on the table and went over to her. “Is something amiss?” The question was pointless because Jamie knew exactly when something was wrong with her – he could simply feel it._

_“I received the letter from Harvard…a few days ago” She admitted, looking down._

_“What does it say?” He asked softly, panic creeping in. He wanted more than anything for Claire to follow her dreams but it would mean to live without a heart and he didn’t know if he would ever be ready for that._

_“I don’t know…I didn’t open it.” Her whisky eyes finally dared to look into his, and the shared fears reflecting into their deep blue colour. “I can’t do it, Jamie.”_

_“Claire” Jamie cupped her cheeks, his thumbs slowly stroking her cheeks. “Ye ken as much as I do that ye canna throw this letter away, aye? Ye worked too hard for it.”_

_“That’s the thing, no matter the result, I will be disappointed and hurt. I want to go to Harvard but I don’t want to leave you, I can’t leave you…I could apply to medical school here and…”_

_“No” Jamie interrupted her softly. “Claire, ye’re born to be a healer, that’s in yer blood, aye? Ye told me time and time again how much this is what ye want to do wi’ yer life. Ye deserve to attend the best university there is because ye will be the best doctor.” He kissed the tip of her nose and smiled, trying to be strong for both of them. “Let’s open it, aye? Do ye want me to do it?”_

_Claire nodded and sealed their lips for a long moment. “Aye.”_

_Jamie took the envelope from her hand and open it. Slowly, he scanned the content and his heart broke into a million pieces – he wasn’t ready and he couldn’t control his shaky hands as he started to read._

_“Dear Ms Beauchamp,_

_Congratulations on your admission to Harvard Medical School! We hope you will join us in Cambridge this August as a member of the Class of 2002. Enclosed is a personalized certificate of admission, a long-lasting tradition!…”_

_Claire looked at him, his voice fading as her ears were buzzing._

_She was numb._

_What was supposed to be one of the best moments of her life turned out to be a nightmare. Before Jamie, she was a loner, never looking for love and with the ultimate goal to study in America, but that was two years ago before the tall scot had walked into her life and gave it all its colour back._

_“I’m not going,” Claire said firmly, closing her eyes – tears rolling down her cheeks.  “I can’t do it. I can’t leave you.” She repeated._

_Jamie looked at her, putting the letter away and wrapped his strong arms around her body – the body he knew best in the world. “Mo chridhe, look at me…please” He begged._

_“Ye canna stay here, I won’t allow it.” His voice was soft, like warm honey, but firm “ I couldn’t forgive myself if ye stay in Scotland, I dinna want this grudge to start growing between us both because of it. Of course, I ken ye’ll say ye won’t be mad or sad but in a couple of years, ye will look back and have regrets and I canna live wi’ that. I would rather rip out my heart and give it to ye than to have ye hate me, I couldn’t bear it.”_

_Claire stayed silent and simply held him for dear life, her head nuzzled in the crook of his neck, t _ears flooding uncontrollably._  She knew he was right, damn him.  She never knew that Jamie cried too, then, silently, as he held her, the plans for their future together slowly slipping away through their fingers._

**______**

“Pregnant?!” The Scot exclaimed in disbelief  “What do ye mean ye are pregnant?! Christ, how did that happen?!”

Claire sighed over the phone “Geillis, you’re a doctor, do you really need me to give a sex-ed class right now?”

“Nay, but apparently ye dinna listen verra well in those, did ye?” She snorted amused “Is it Jamie’s?”

“Yes…it is,” Claire said softly, absently resting her hand on her still flat stomach. She couldn’t quite believe a little human was growing inside of her and that it would most likely have the most gorgeous head of red curls.

“The plot thickens” Geillis grinned over the phone. “And are you sure it’s not Luke’s, uh?”

“I’m sure it’s not Luke’s. We were both too busy or tired to do anything since I got back and quite frankly, I don’t think I could have even if he tried.” Claire admitted with a sigh.

“Well at least ye ken who the father is, that’s already a good thing. It’s good to look at the glass half full, ken?”

“Yeah, I ken but it would have made it a lot easier if it was Luke, to be honest…” Claire mumbled.

“Really? I dinna think ye want a child with a man ye dinna truly love Claire. No matter how hot he is. Last time I heard, ye said he was just a good shag to ye” Geillis was right – _again_. It would unfair to bring a child into the world with someone who wasn’t your soulmate.

“Right, I don’t want a child with someone I’m not truly in love with but the father of my child is married to another woman and living more than 3000 miles away from me. Don’t you think it’s a tiny bit complicated?”

“Life would be boring if it wasn’t complicated!” Geillis exclaimed before adding. “Pass me the scalpel, Margaret”

Claire frowned “Geillis, do you have me on speaker phone while you’re doing a surgery?!”

“Aye, but dinna worry, ye ken the hospital is a whore house anyway, they’ve heard worse, with me as a resident and all. And I’m simply removing some tonsils, I dinna need a great deal of concentration for that”

“That reassures me greatly, thank you, just make sure not to lose your medical license.” Rolling her eyes, Claire leaned back in her sofa.

“Dinna try to change the subject, Beauchamp” Geillis grinned “I canna wait to see the child because if I ken something about genetics, yer bairn will be quite gorgeous.”

Claire couldn’t help but smile at Geillis’ remark “I…well.”

“And ye ken it too! Now, what will ye do about the situation?” Geillis asked interested while performing her surgery.

“That’s the issue, I don’t know what to do” Claire finally admitted out loud. Usually, she had a solution for everything but this time, she had no plan B “I can’t keep it from Jamie but on the other hand, I can’t show up in Scotland and scream ‘ _Surprise_!’”

“Ye totally could! His wife might not appreciate it greatly but I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.” Geillis smirked. “Look, no matter what happened between both of ye, ye owe him the truth and Jamie was the one who was unfaithful to his wife, he will deal with her. What ye’ll have to do now, is deal wi’ Luke.”

“I know I have to. If there’s one thing I’m sure about is that I need to break up with Luke, no matter what.”

“Amen, Beauchamp came to her senses. Dinna wait too long, I’m sure he’s the jellyfish kind.”

“The  _wot_?” Claire asked with her thick British accent, making a face she was glad no one else could see. 

“Jellyfish! They stuck to ye even if ye try to push them away. Ye’d be surprised the number of men who are like this.”

“Great analogy, Geil.” Claire laughed, shaking her head of curls. “I will talk to Luke  _tonight_.”

“Good, I’m glad ye havena lost all yer mind yet.”

“No, not yet but probably soon.” 

“Now tell me, how are ye feeling? I hope ye ken as soon as I’m out of here I’m going shopping for my niece!”

“I’m feeling good, morning sickness isn’t bad so I hope it’ll stay that way and my skin is amazing”

“Newsflash: yer skin is  _always_  amazing Beauchamp, even when we go camping for five days and ye forget yer creams” Geillis snorted. She never understood why Claire never considered herself to be a gorgeous woman. 

“Thank you” Claire chuckled at the memory “But Geil..?”

“Aye?” Geillis answered, biting her tongue softly to concentrate on her task. 

“What if it’s a nephew?”

“He better be gay, then,” Geillis said seriously, making Claire, and the people in her surgery room burst into a  laugh. “I’m joking, I dinna care as long as it’s a wee Scot”

“You shouldn’t worry about this too much, I guess this baby will be as Scottish as they come.”  Claire smiled. When they were together, she often imagined what a child with Jamie would look like and now, she would find out very soon. “Okay, I’ll leave you to your surgery now. I hope this conversation was entertaining for all the interns and nurses involved.”

“It was!” One of them answered.

Claire shook her head, chuckling softly “Goodbye!”

“Bye, love!” The line went off and Claire put her phone away. She had discovered her condition eight days ago and she was as much confused about what to do now as she was then, sitting on the edge of the bath, a pregnancy test in hand. The appointment with her doctor was booked, now she needed to tackle the Luke issue and she would…after a nap.

Slowly drifting to sleep slumber, Claire dreamt of Scotland and Jamie, with a red-haired bairn peacefully sleeping on his bare chest and smiled on her lips.

________

Claire woke up a few hours later, still on the sofa but disoriented. Her stomach was growling and the smell of potatoes coming from the kitchen raised her from her slumber. Rubbing her eyes, she had no idea what time it was but she could hear Luke humming from the kitchen and she realised it was probably sometime around 7pm. She got up and yawned, walking in the kitchen.   
  
 _She would talk to Luke, tonight._

“Claire” Luke smiled warmly at the sight of his girlfriend. “It seems like you had a good nap, babe,” He said amused, kissing the pillow mark on her warm cheek.

Claire rubbed her eyes and yawned again “Yeah, I did”

“I’m sorry I showed up here unannounced but I thought I could make us a nice dinner, it’s been a while.” His thumb lightly stroked her flushed cheek.

“I’m starving so that is perfect, thank you” She smiled, a tight knot in her stomach. She was about to break his heart but she had no other choice. It would be selfish to stay with him when her own heart belonged to somebody else. 

Luke opened a bottle of wine and poured them both a glass before handing her one “I got this Barolo bottle the other day and I’m convinced you will love it.”

“I…thank you” Claire took the glass and put it on the counter.

“You’re not tasting it?” Luke frowned “The seller told me this wine is elegant, powerful, and refined. It made me think of you,”

“That is very sweet of you, I’m just not feeling very well at the minute” It wasn’t a lie, she felt nauseous and it wasn’t only due to her pregnancy.

“What is it? You look quite good and glowy to me” He smiled, stroking her cheek. “And I made some roasted chicken with potatoes and grilled zucchinis.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll eat a little.” Claire smiled softly and sat down. “It smells delicious,” She said, watching him plate the food.

Luke looked like the exact opposite of Jamie. He was t not as tall, his hair was almost black and his eyes hazel. He was always perfectly well shaved and wore a pair of silver round glasses on his nose –  he was handsome alright, but he wasn’t Jamie. 

_It wasn’t even fair comparing the two but Claire couldn’t help it._  

Dinner passed in silence from Claire’s part who was simply too busy eating for two and trying to come up with a way to tell Luke it was over. She half listened to him explaining a brain surgery he performed earlier today and how well everything went. He was a good surgeon and a great man, he truly deserved someone who loved him completely, who was ready to give herself to him, mind, body and soul and Claire wasn’t able to do that because her mind was occupied by Jamie, her body wanted to be possessed by him and her soul only knew one companion.

Once they finished eating, Claire fiddled with her untouched glass of wine, absently observing the deep red colour of the liquid. She was too taken with her task to notice that Luke had cleaned up the plates and served her a piece of chocolate cake with some ice cream on the side and made her a tea.

“Babe?” His voice brought her back to reality and she blinked. “I wanted to talk to you about something”

Claire looked up at him and nodded “Me too, actually…” 

_It was now or never._

“Wait, me first” He smiled, touching her hand.  In no time, Luke had moved and was now kneeling down in front of her, a wide smile on his face and his eyes shimmering as he presented her with a velvet box. Suddenly, Claire froze and watched the scene playing out in front of her eyes in slow motion, as if she was outside of her body.

_God, no._

“I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you for a long time now. I thought in my head how I could do this because you’re an unusual lady and a proposal seemed to plain for you but you know I’m a simple man, just happy to give you my heart and love you for the rest of my life. So here I am, in your kitchen, the place where we kissed for the very first time, to ask you one question…” Luke took a breath and smiled widely. 

_Say something, Beauchamp…_

Opening the box and revealing a delicate tiffany ring too plain to be of Claire’s taste, Luke looked into her eyes and softly asked: 

_“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, will you do me the honour to become my wife?”_


	5. At The Door

_“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, will you do me the honour and become my wife?”_ Luke’s voice was full of hope and love as he asked the question, almost making Claire faint with shock. Her eyes were stuck on the ring – _it was so…plain and the least practical thing to offer a surgeon._ **  
**

_No._

“Luke, I…” Before she could finish, the doorbell rang and Claire got up at once. She hurried to the hall, leaving him kneeling down on the kitchen floor.

_Saved by the bell_  – at least that’s what she thought until she opened the door to find Jamie standing on her porch, a shy smile on his face. Claire almost fainted again.

“Hello, Sassenach,” He said softly with a smile, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.  

“What on earth are you doing here?” Claire asked, panic creeping in.  _Did he know?! Did Geillis tell him?!_  No, she’d never do that.

“Eh, well I was in town for some meetings wi’ suppliers and I dinna ken anyone so I thought I would say hi…”  His words faded as Luke appeared behind Claire.

“Babe, who is it?” Luke stood behind her, watching Jamie. Just the sound of his voice indicated he was bothered –  _and she couldn’t really blame him._

“This is Jamie, he’s an old friend from Edinburgh,” Claire said faintly.  _An old friend_ , who was she kidding, here,  _Luke or herself?_

Luke knew who Jamie was or, at least, as he was not a stupid man, seeing Claire’s expression, he understood what the  _“J”_  inked on her side stood for. But he was also a polite man and didn’t want to cause a scene so he simply smiled tensely. “I see, hello. I’m Luke, the boyfriend.”

The word hung heavily in the air between the two men, making them both stand straighter at once.  

“Hello, aye I ken.” Jamie responded coldly and shook the other man’s hand  _– or crushed would be a more accurate term –_  “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have shown up unannounced and empty-handed.” He was talking to Claire but he was not looking at her. 

Claire watched the scene, unable to move – the air had evaporated and she felt as if she was really going to be sick. Jamie and Luke were glaring at one another like two roosters about to fight for a hen.

“Well now that you’re here, why don’t you come in!” The words escaped her mouth quicker than she realised and her high pitched voice was a good indication on just how much she wanted for the floor to swallow her.

Jamie nodded and walked in, looking around.   
  
Claire looked at Luke once Jamie was out of sight, “We will talk about what just happened in the kitchen, later.”

“Yeah, we will.” Luke huffed ” _Later_. I’ll go home now, I don’t want to interrupt the reunion with your  _old friend._ ” Grabbing his coat, Luke left the Tiffany blue ring box on the table in the hall before he walked through the door and closed it.

“Sassenach?” Jamie’s warm voice resonated in the house and sent a shiver through Claire’s body. It was odd to have him here, in her home – even if she imagined more than once what it would feel like. Walking to the living room, Claire was in a haze, only interrupted by Jamie’s voice again “Are ye alright?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just a bit dizzy.” She said faintly, sitting down. 

“Is it Luke? Has he done something?” Jamie asked worried, sitting down next to her and instinctively taking her hand, “I can go and hit him if ye want me to.”

Claire looked at him and couldn’t help but chuckle softly, “Jamie.”

“Aye?” His mouth curled up into a smile, “It wouldna be the first time I hit a man for ye, Sassenach.”

> _“I believe the lady told ye to take yer hand off of her,” Jamie stood near the bar, his eyes glued on a drunk Frank Randall. It had started as a pleasant evening, the scot had  finally talked to his curly headed crush for the first time – after weeks of shy smiles and glances through the halls of the school –  and everything was going just fine until Claire went to get more drinks and got ambushed by Randall, the English fellow in his senior year._
> 
> _“And who might you be?” Frank asked, raising his eyebrow. He was clearly intoxicated. “Piss off, would you?”_
> 
> _“Jamie…it’s fine,” Claire said looking at him._
> 
> _“See? She said it was fine!” Frank’s grin didn’t last too long as Jamie’s fist met his face and sent the man flying on the other side of the room, landing Randall on the floor._
> 
> _Claire burst into a laugh and grabbed Jamie’s hand. They both ran out of the bar before someone would come after them. “I can’t believe you just did that,” Claire was still laughing as they stopped running and she leaned against a wall. The weather was typically Scottish, with heavy rain soaking them to the core but they didn’t care._
> 
> _“Weel, I canna stand this guy and seein’ his hands on ye, Christ…” Jamie looked at her then, “I had no right to do that, ye’re no’ mine and ye can certainly defend yerself but…’_
> 
> _His words were cut out as Claire tiptoed and gave him a kiss. – their first kiss. The sensation of her lips on his warming him to the core and making him forget their wet clothes or his aching hand._
> 
> _“You hurt your hand, Fraser,” Claire whispered against his lips._
> 
> _“I ken…but right now I dinna think I care, Sassenach.” Jamie admitted, kissing her again._
> 
> _“I will have to heal that for you”  
> _
> 
> _“Aye, heal me, Claire.”  
> _

Claire looked at him, amused, “You will always be my hero for making Frank Randall lose two teeth.”

“Aye, to this day it’s still one of my proudest achievements,” His mouth curled up into a smile and his finger brushed a curl away from her face. “So tell me, what happened?”

“Luke asked me to marry him…” As she spoke the words, Claire was still incredulous of what had just happened and she had no idea the words cut through Jamie like a sharp dagger, “…but I didn’t answer because you arrived.”

“I’m sorry I interrupted him” He muttered softly.

“How did you get my address?” Claire bothered to ask the question even if she already knew the answer.

“Well, I was in my hotel room quite bored, so I asked Jenny and she gave it to me. I shouldn’t have come here, Christ I have the worst timing.”

“No, actually it’s the quite the contrary…I was about to break up with him when he kneeled down in the kitchen,” Claire absently leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Aye, I guess he has worse timing than I have then, Sassenach,” The scot said, making her laugh softly and his arm wrapped around her.

“I’ll have to talk to him, eventually, I’m just glad you’re here right now,”  Claire closed her eyes and let a comfortable silence settle between them. It was always comforting to have someone to share such a thing with – even after twenty years apart, some things never changed between them.

“We need to talk,” They both said at the same time and looked at one another chuckling – they were very much still in sync.

“Ladies first, Sassenach.”

Claire nodded and got up, knowing the moment to tell Jamie about the pregnancy had arrived. There was no right way to do it – after all, he was married to another woman and they had both thought it would be their last time together but life had other plans and if Claire knew one thing, it was not to run away from them. She had never been scared and even less when Jamie was around but right now, she was terrified.

_Out with it, Beauchamp._

“I’m pregnant,” Claire said at once, her eyes glued on him. As a doctor, she knew it was better to remove a plaster in one sharp move. 

Jamie blinked and watched her, swallowing. “Weel, congratulations to ye and Luke.”

“ _Wot_?” Claire frowned, soon releasing the misunderstanding, “No! It’s not Luke’s.”

“Nay? Who’s the bairn’s father then?” Jamie asked clearly confused and got up.

Claire raised her eyebrows and tilted her head smiling, a silent communication going on between the two. The moment his eyes grew wide, she knew he had understood what she meant.

“Oh Christ,” Jamie sat down again, his usually unreadable face turned to glass and Claire could clearly tell he was shocked – not that she could blame him. 

“I took a test a little bit more than a week ago, I was just wondering how the hell I was going to say it to you.”

“Claire ye’re wi’ child… _my_  child.” His face lit up and he smiled widely.

“I am…” Claire couldn’t help but smile. “I’m torn because I’m thrilled but at the same time, you’re married and you told me about the struggles of you and Mary to have children and I just feel like the most horrible person.”

“I left Mary.” He said at once.

“You..what?” Claire couldn’t possibly have heard it right.

“My marriage to Mary was never really working but I stayed because it was decent, aye. I dinna think I would ever find someone to share my life wi’ who would be half the woman ye are, Claire, so I settle for less just not to be alone.” Jamie explained. 

“No one else can share the connection we have together. No matter what I do, ye’re there somewhere, watching me. And seein’ ye at the reunion, then layin’ wi’ ye again as if nothin’ had changed, I couldn’t keep lyin’ to myself and to Mary…I’m no’ here for work, I needed to come here to ken if ye felt like that too.”  

“A long time ago you asked me what it was between us, I said I didn’t know,”Claire said softly.

“I didna ken either” Jamie whispered, stepping closer to her.

“I still don’t…” Claire admitted, looking up at his eyes, and drowning in the sea.

“But it’s still there.” Jamie’s index finger slowly traced her face – her whisky eyes shimmering.  

“It will always be there and I’m tired of fighting it. I never wanted to leave you in the first place and now, I feel like this baby is life’s way of telling us that maybe we should stop being idiots.” Claire cupped his cheeks, “I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to stop loving you, it’s just not going to happen, is it?”

“I hope not, Sassenach,” Jamie’s mouth curled up into a smile, a tear strolling down his cheek – Claire kissed it away, her own tears finally let free. His warm hand rested on her still flat stomach and his forehead against hers, 

“A wee bairn, eh?” The sight of Jamie so giddy almost made Claire’s heart burst – there was something so pure in his eyes, he was so happy.  

“A wee bairn” She repeated, mimicking his accent. “God helps us if the baby is anything like you,” Claire joked.

Jamie grinned, “God help us if the baby is anything like ye, Sassenach.”

“Kiss me, Jamie,” Claire said softly, her voice firm but soft like a ripe peach. It wasn’t a question, it was a pleading and he didn’t need much to oblige – his own mouth burning for hers. His lips still tasted of honey, bringing back the memories of their love to all of her senses.

“Dinna be afraid, Sassenach. It’s the two of us now,” Jamie whispered, his hand resting on her cheek.

“Three,” Claire grinned, cheeks wet and flushed and kissed him again.

_____

When Claire woke up the next morning, she thought she had dreamt it all…or at least for approximately two seconds until she realised Jamie’s arms were tightly wrapped around her and his head of red thick curls was resting on her bare chest. It hadn’t been a dream, and the delightful ache in her body only confirmed it. 

Watching him for a long while, her fingers slowly stroked his hair, his cheek, his jaw… At that moment, she realized just how much she had missed him: the way the sun reflected on his bare skin or the way he smiled in his sleep and how much the sound of his breathing soothe her – it had been a long time since Claire had slept this good.

“I ken ye’re watching me, mo chridhe,” Jamie mumbled, smiling, eyes still closed.

“I have a very tall and naked scot in my bed, what else do you want me to look at?” Claire said with a grin, making him laugh.

“I have missed that sharp tongue of yers,” Jamie looked at her with sleepy eyes and a broad grin. Leaning up, he sealed their lips and ran his tongue along her lower lip.

“Well, good morning James,” Claire smiled against his lips, her arms wrapping around his neck.

“Good morning indeed, Sassenach,” Smiling, Jamie moved down and kissed her stomach, “And good morning to the ye too. It’s yer Da speaking.”

Watching Jamie, Claire sighed happily.

“Can  _she_  hear me?” He wondered out loud.

“No,  _his_  cells are slowly starting to arrange themselves into the face, brain, nose, ears, and eyes. Babies can hear sounds from the 18th weeks” Claire smiled, stroking his cheek.

“Oh so  _she_  canna hear me yet,” Jamie said visibly disappointed, “I dinna care, I’ll keep having discussions wi’ my bairn until  _she_  can talk back.”

Claire laughed, “I’ve never seen a Fraser who doesn’t talk back so don’t worry about that.”

“I dinna ken what ye’re talking about,” Jamie grinned, placing a kiss on her stomach. “Dinna listen to yer mam, aye? She is still half asleep.”

“I’m not!” Claire grinned, pulling him up, “Leave our son alone.”

“Ye mean our daughter? Aye, I’ll leave her alone for a minute while I take care of ye,” Jamie pulled her close and smiled, “Are ye hungry, mo chridhe?”

Claire nodded, “I’m ravenous actually, with all the exercises you made me do last night .”

“I dinna hear ye moan about how annoyed ye were at the physicality of it all if I recall correctly, ye moaned about other things.” Jamie grinned, placing a kiss on her breast. “Dinna move, I’ll get ye some food,” Getting up, Jamie covered her and winked.

“I have to be at work in an hour,” Claire stated, sighing and stretching her long limbs like a cat.

“Aye, ye’ll be!” Jamie grinned, walking out of her room butt naked.

After ten good minutes, Claire decided to get up and put on a robe before joining him downstairs, “If I stay in bed, I won’t ever go to work and I can’t do that,” She stated, walking in the kitchen where she stopped at the sight of Jamie, wearing an apron and happily making french toast.

“Let me just say that I visually enjoy you,” Claire leaned against the counter with a grin.

“The feeling is mutual, Sassenach,” Jamie looked at her with a coy smile. “Sit down, it’s ready.”

Claire walked to the table and stopped to place a kiss on his back before sitting down “I have missed your french toasts,” She said with a smile once Jamie presented her with the plate. “Rectification, I have missed you making french toasts naked” 

Jamie chuckled “I havna made them for a little while,  I hope they’re still good.”

Claire took a bite and nodded enthusiastically, her wild curls bouncing, “Still banging.”

“Aye, good to hear,” Jamie smirked and brought her hand to his lips.

“I don’t have a long shift but I have to talk to Luke, will you wait here for me?”

“Aye, I will go and get my things from the hotel while ye do that and then we can figure out what we’ll do”

“I will ask for a transfer in Edinburgh,” Claire said looking at him, “You have your business there and I can work anywhere, as long as there is a hospital which is convenient because there’s at least one in every city…I mean only if you want me,” She looked at him.

“Ye dinna ken how long I’ve dreamt to have ye back in Scotland wi’ me, Sassenach…Of course, I want ye. I always want ye”

“Good,” Claire leaned up and kissed him, “Then just take me home, James Fraser.” 


	6. Lallybroch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's back! 
> 
> Sorry I took so long to update this story again, as it was supposed to be a one-shot, I regrouped and planned the rest as much as I could so I could go back to it! 
> 
> Enjoy <3

As she stood in front of the estate at Lallybroch, Claire simply knew she was home. It was the tangible feeling she had within her all along and the first time she had come here, years ago, it had already been there. It had been Christmas time, the house was covered with a thin layer of snow and decorated with lights – with a smell of warm spices hanging in the air.

> _“Jamie…this is so beautiful,” She smiled widely, holding his hand, “It looks like an old painting by some Flemish master.”_
> 
> _“Aye, that it does,” Jamie smiled and placed a kiss on her cheek. They had been dating for almost eight months and he was finally bringing her to his home to meet his family._
> 
> _“Thank you for bringing me here and during the holidays”_
> 
> _“Thank ye for comin’ wi’ me, Sassenach. Now come, the inside it’s warmer and everyone canna wait to meet ye!”_
> 
> _“I really hope they will like me” She looked at him worried. Since she had known she would be coming here, Claire had wondered if Jamie’s family would accept her. A family had always been a foreign concept to her and she was afraid to be clumsy around lots of people._
> 
> _“Ye’re right, what if they dinna like ye? Yer intelligent, witty, strong minded and ye speak yer mind. Ye’re also the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, I truly wonder what’s there to like?” Jamie grinned, wrapping his arms around her.  
>   
>  Claire laughed and kissed him tenderly “Piss off, Fraser.”_
> 
> _“Dinna fash, they’re just a little loud but they’ll like ye just fine, ”Jamie kissed her cold-reddened nose and lifted her up before carrying her inside the house._

“You can’t carry me this time, I’m too heavy,” Claire grinned, resting her hand on her bump.

After a few months arranging her move from Boston to Edinburgh, she was now six months along and everything was going well for Baby Fraser and its mother. They had bought a house in the city and while they were waiting on Claire’s boxes to arrive from America, they decided to go to Lallybroch so Claire could see Jenny, Ian and meet the children.

“I could still carry ye,” Jamie kissed the top of her head with a smile, “I’m strong, ken.”

“ _I ken_ ,” Claire smacked his butt, smirking and went inside. Over the years, she had stayed in contact with Jenny, phone calls, Christmas cards but Claire couldn’t help and be even more worried that the first time she had come here. The inside was almost identical, except for some pictures hanging on the walls of Jenny’s children and occasions she had missed by being in Boston.  

Stopping to examine the various frames, Claire’s heart dropped at the one of Jamie and Mary’s wedding day. Suddenly, the feeling of home completely disappeared and left her with a sour taste in her mouth. Jamie stood next to his new bride, a happy smile on his gorgeous face and his arm wrapped protectively around Mary. Anger crept in slowly, first at Jamie for finding happiness with somebody else and then at herself, for feeling that way.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Jamie went to stand behind her and sighed, taking the frame off the wall, “Christ, I’m sorry, I thought Jenny would have removed it by now.”

“I’m sure she simply forgot,” Claire looked at Jamie and smiled softly.

They both knew Jenny didn’t forget about the picture, it was there for a purpose but Claire refused to fall from it. She never wanted to be the other woman but, sometimes, circumstances made you do things you never thought you would and she hoped Jenny would understand.

_Jenny._

Secretly, she had never forgiven Claire for leaving and the Englishwoman knew it very well. Alongside Jamie, his sister had been bound to stay at Lallybroch to take care of their sick father and replace their late mother in the mundane tasks of the everyday. Claire knew there was some resentment and maybe a little bit of jealousy but what Jenny didn’t know was how much Claire regretted her choice of leaving everything behind.

Jamie turned Claire around and pulled her close, seeking her warms lips who he knew, needed comfort. They kissed thoroughly in the hall like the two teenagers they had been a little bit more than twenty years ago, forgetting the world around them. At last, they were together and nothing –  _or no one –_  could change that.

The sound of someone clearing their throat burst their bubble and as Claire slightly turned her head to look at who was standing on the stairs, she realised it was Jenny – her face deprived of expressions.

“There ye are, brother,” Jenny walked down the last few steps and hugged her brother. The scot wasn’t as tall as her brother and her hair was a dark shade of brown, just like their father. If there was one thing Claire knew about her sister-in-law, it was that she cast a warm light on those she trusted and a very cold shadow on the ones she didn’t.

“Aye, a wee bit late wi’ the heavy rain on the road,” Jamie hugged back his sister and smiled warmly looking at her, “But we are here.”

“Claire, ye haven’t changed one bit,” Jenny remarked with a polite smile but didn’t move to embrace the woman in front of her. Instead, her eyes drifted to Claire’s prominent belly.

“Neither have you, Jen,” Claire returned the smile, trying to ignore Jenny’s look. The woman who had been her best friend and confident suddenly seemed like a stranger and the overall feeling of it uneased her.

“Jamie, why don’t ye bring yer bags upstairs while Claire and I will get some tea, it’s been a while since she was here. We got sae many things to chat about,” Jenny looked at her brother and he simply nodded with a smile before kissing Claire’s temple and making his way up the stairs.

“Mrs Crook made some fresh scones this morning to go along with the tea,” Jenny said while the two women walked together inside the living room.

“Oh great, I’ve missed Mrs Crook’s scones,” Claire said softly but smile before sitting down – she was determined not to let Jenny’s coldness affect her but it was barely working.

Jenny poured the mugs and served the scones while completely ignoring her presence up until Claire finally spoke, “It’s great to see you, Jenny. I have missed you,” She said sincerely. As an only child, she had found in Janet Fraser Murray a sister and a friend – at least that’s what she had thought all those years ago.

Sitting down, Jenny’s deep blue eyes pierced through Claire. They were exactly the same shade as Jamie but she could very well tell the difference they bore – while the ones of Jamie were full of love and admiration, the ones of his sister were full of anger and disgust.

“Why don’t you say what you want to say, Jenny? No need to soften me with tea and scones, I already understood there is something bothering you about me being back here,” Claire said bluntly, much to Jenny’s surprise. Once shy and reserved, Claire had grown into a confident woman who knew confrontations were sometimes needed to sort a situation so she dived head first into this one.

Jenny blinked and deposited her mug right back from the table she had taken it, “Excuse me if I’m not keen on seein’ ye here after twenty years.”

“Why aren’t you? We’ve been talking during this time, not as much as I would have liked but we stayed in touch, I thought you were my friend,” Claire attentively watched Jenny’s face shift from no expression to sudden disbelief.

“Aye, I was yer friend, up until the moment ye broke up my brother’s marriage and got yerself pregnant to keep him,” Jenny spat out.

“That’s what you think? That I calculated this whole situation to get Jamie back?” Claire looked at her incredulous, “Then you really don’t know me at all.”

“Exactly, I dinna know you, ” Jenny stated, her eyes still glued on Claire, “I thought ye were a good person even if I dinna understand yer need of a career over a family and the man ye loved, I thought ye loved my brother and ye respected him but again, I was wrong…”

“I love Jamie!”

“No ye dinna,” Jenny chuckled softly “If ye did, ye wouldn’t have ruined his marriage. He was perfectly happy before ye came back and messed up wi’ his head. Mary was a wonderful wife and he loved her deeply. Actually, I never saw him looking at ye like the way he was looking at her.”

The words were cutting through Claire like little daggers carefully planted inside her body on all the right spots but she tried to ignore the pain because she knew Jenny was trying everything she could to hurt her.

“God never blessed them wi’ a kid and that is exactly why he is wi’ ye right now, simply because of that child but once he’ll realise ye aren’t the right one for him, he’ll go back to Mary wi’ yer baby and at least this child will be raised by a decent woman – not one with loose manners and the behaviour of a whore”

“How can you say that to me?” Claire’s hand gripped the fabric of her dress tightly, her knuckles turning white with anger.

“Because tis’ the truth and ye ken it…if ye love my brother so much, I advise ye to give birth to this child, give him to Jamie and return to America where ye belong. Being a mother wi’ yer job? Ye ken it’s less than ideal and ye are too selfish to give up on it.”

“So a woman can either be a mother or have a career? In exactly what century are you living in, Jenny? You know exactly why I went to study in Boston and you know if Jamie could have gone with me, he would have but he stayed here to take care of your sick father while you finished college. Right? Or am I lying?”

“Now it’s going to be my fault, eh?” Jenny rolled her eyes and got up, “Ye came back and he was married, ye shouldn’t have crossed the line again…”

“Janet,” Jamie’s voice was firm and deep – full of anger. Slowly, The five-foot-tall woman turned around and looked up at her brother, Claire couldn’t tell which one of them would jump on the other’s throat first, “I would advise ye very much to shut yer mouth, at once,”

“Or what?” Jenny raised her eyebrows, her hands resting on her hips, “Do ye think I’m afraid of ye brother? I’m no. Even more so when I ken ye’re a fool and a coward, leaving yer wife – the woman ye swore fidelity and respect before God! I’m ashamed to be yer sister, James Fraser and I doubt father would be much more proud of ye, if he was there right now.”

“Dinna bring Da into this, Janet! Ye dinna ken how I lived twenty years wi’out a heart and how unhappy I have been since the day I parted wi’ Claire. Aye, Mary was a good wife but I never loved her the way I love Claire. I will pay for my sins before God the day I’ll have to but right now, I will no’ be judged by anyone and even less by ye.”

“Aye, ye really two deserves each other,” With those words, Jenny walked out of the living room and disappeared in the house.

Claire got up and walked over to Jamie, her shaky hand resting on her stomach, “I’m sorry…”

Anger disappeared as soon as Jamie’s eyes laid on Claire and his stern expression turned into a soft one. His arms wrapped around her ripe body – full of their love, their child – and he held her close for a long moment without saying a word. Burying her head into the crook of his neck, hormones got the better of her and Claire started to sob quietly – the guilt that sometimes haunted her, fully taking over her mind.

“Mo nighean donn, please dinna cry,” Jamie caressed her soft curls back with one hand and stroked her back with the other – there was nothing whom could break his heart more than seeing Claire cry. “Please, I canna bear it.”

But Claire didn’t stop, the tears flowing not only because of Jenny’s words but for twenty wasted years. She used to imagine every little detail of what a life with Jamie would look like, from the smell of their home to the features of their children and even now, being back in his arms, with the impending birth of their baby and the acquisition of a home, she still felt like she would wake up from her dream, in her cold Boston bed, with Jamie thousands of miles away and an empty womb.

Without a word, Jamie took her hand and lead her upstairs to the room they used to share and Claire followed him, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She wanted to ask him if he brought Mary here if they shared the same bed but she didn’t need to, as soon as they stepped into the room, the look Jamie gave her was enough to know he had never brought another woman in the blue room.

“Why do you have the Laird’s room?” Claire asked with a smile, bouncing on the bed, “You are no’ Laird.”

“I’m no’ but I’ll be one day,” Jamie responded, smiling, “And I’ll need a lady.”

“Well, I’m not much lady material, if that’s what you were thinking about…” Claire grabbed his belt and pulled him close, looking up at him with a smirk.

“That’s where ye are wrong, mo nighean donn,” Jamie stroked her hair back and leaned down to whisper against her lips, “Ye are a lady and I might be lucky enough that ye’ll be my lady one day,”

“Alright, I’ll think about that,” Claire closed the distance between them and kissed him tenderly before pulling him onto the bed with a wicked laugh.

“This place still looks the same,” Claire remarked, wiping her cheeks with her palm.

“Aye, it does,” Jamie watched her, “I’m sorry about Jenny,”

Claire stayed silent as she removed her shoes and laid on the bed – she was tired and aching, and sad, “But she’s right…I shouldn’t have gone to Boston,”

“Are we going to talk about this again? Dinna let her convince ye what ye did was wrong. Ye dinna leave me without a word, I asked ye to go,” Jamie sat down on the bed next to her and took her hand, “Claire, look at me.”

Reluctantly, Claire brought her eyes up to meet his own.

“I left Mary before I even knew you were expecting our child and I came to Boston in the vain hope you’ll give me another chance, ye ken that,” Jamie took her hand and brought it to his lips,  “The past few months have been a bliss, dinna let Jenny taint this…we’ve been waiting long enough to be together.”

“You’re right,” Claire sat up slowly and raised her hand to stroke his cheek. Enough time had been wasted, enough regrets had been created and what only mattered now was Jamie and their unborn child.

“Aye, I’m no’ always right but there are some things I ken of knowing,” Jamie smiled and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose, “And one of them is that ye and I, mo nighean donn, we’re made to be together. It was decided well before we were born and it will continue well past our last day on this planet,”

“God, I love you so much,” Cupping his cheeks, Claire kissed him tenderly.

“And I love ye,” Jamie smiled and Claire rubbed her nose against his.

Together, they laid back in bed and spooned, Jamie, resting his big hands on her belly and letting themselves being rocked by the soothing sounds of their beating hearts.

“Claire, is there some names ye like for the bairn?” Jamie buried his nose into the mess of her hair and smiled, the softness of her curls and their scent of macadamia overpowering his nose.

“Well, I quite like Lambert if it’s a boy,”

“Lambert?” Jamie raised his eyebrow even if she couldn’t see his face, “Tis’ a wee bit English, Sassenach,”

“Well newsflash, I am English,” Claire chuckled, “Do you have other ideas?”

“Aye, Dalhousie, like the castle,” He said nonchalantly,

“Dalhousie?” Claire turned her head to look at him, half shocked, half amused, “It sounds like a sneeze!”

“But ye have to admit it works for both a lass and a lad,”

“Yes it does,” Claire grinned, “I’m going to take a nap and then hopefully you will forget about naming our kid after a castle,”

Jamie chuckled and kissed her again, “Aye, I’ll join you for a wee nap then if ye dinna mind?”

Claire shook her head, feeling relaxed and much better than when she had arrived and smile, “I don’t mind at all, I sleep better when you hold me,”

“Then let me hold ye forever, Sorcha,” Jamie turned slightly and wrapped his strong arms around her body. Claire smiled against the warm skin of his neck and closed her eyes. In no time, she had succumbed to slumber and Jamie quickly followed.

When Claire woke up sometime later, not feeling Jamie’s arms around her, she was confused and disorientated. There was something wrong but she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what…She had the sensation of falling at full speed and her entire body started to ache. When she opened her eyes, she was back in Boston. 


	7. Dream a Little Dream of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire wakes up at the hospital in Boston...and there are a few things she doesn't remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title for this chapter was “plot twist”, if you need me I’ll be hiding somewhere…I'll fix it, I promise!

Strange the things you remember. Single images and feelings that stay with you down through the years…As of right now, Claire Beauchamp couldn’t remember anything. 

The only thing she was aware of was the ache in her body – she felt numb, heavy and her wrist was wrapped in a cast. She might have her eyes closed, it only took a split second for her to know she was at the hospital. She sensed it. It was in the disinfected smell in the air and the beeping sound of the machine next to her.

Everything was blurry – she didn’t know if she was dreaming or in a half state of consciousness. She had no idea what time or day it was, and most importantly, she didn’t know why she was glued in a hospital bed.

Slowly, Claire opened her eyes. It was almost a herculean effort as her lids were heavy. Her nose was tickling and she used her good hand to rub it slowly.

_She was in Boston._

She knew the sight of the hospital by heart – she spent most of her time running around the halls and visiting her patients in a room just like this one. Usually, she was the one with the lab coat and the stethoscope, making sure the person in the bed was taking care of.  _Not today._

Today, she was laying down, her eyes scanning her surroundings and waiting for someone to walk through that door and explain to her what the fuck was happening. A wave of panic almost took over her body as she realised how vulnerable she was. Never in her life had she been the patient. She was always the doctor, reassuring people and making sure they were going home alright and it was frightening to be on the other side of the mirror.

The few minutes that passed before someone walked into the room seemed like hours. Claire wanted to get up and run away, she wanted to go home but she couldn’t move. And in a way, she was too terrified to even try. Finally, the familiar sight of the red headed scot made her relax at once.

“Geillis…” She said weakly.

The woman’s expression changed at once when she realised Claire was awake and the warmest smile formed on her lips, “Oh god, you’re finally awake.”

Geillis was in her lab coat – which meant she was here as a doctor and not as her friend, “Christ, Claire. Dinna scare me like that ever again.”

“What?” Claire was confused even more. The last thing she remembered was leaving her 36 hours shift to go home. She had been exhausted then but she thought she ended up at home to sleep.

“You got hit by a car,” Geillis said carefully as she sat down on the edge of the bed, “You’ve been in a coma for the last two days.”

“I don’t remember,” Claire said softly. Her voice was barely audible but it was the best she could do right now. She was confused and simply wanted to go back to sleep.

“You need to rest,” Geillis stroked her arm, “You’re out of danger, thankfully nothing vital has been damaged. Only your arm and your ankle but this will heal in time. We will have more tests once you get a bit better, you’re still out of it because of the meds and the shock.”

Claire barely nodded and closed her eyes. Maybe if she fell asleep again, she wouldn’t ache and she would dream of the tall and ginger scot once more. Just as she had done for the last two days.

***********

When she woke up sometime later, she was still in the room but she felt a tad less drugged. As a doctor, she knew it had been due to morphine and it was slowly evaporating from her blood. Now, she  _only_  felt as if a truck had run over her.  _Only_. Geillis’ words slowly came back to her and she tried to make sense of everything.

“Doctor Beauchamp,” The voice was soft and innocent and belonged to a young lady with brown hair and green eyes – who looked extremely sweet and was dressed like a nurse. Claire had no idea who it was.

“It’s Claire,” She rasped, looking at the young woman and giving her a weak smile.

“I know,” The nurse smiled in turn, “I’m glad you are awake and doing much better. Doctor Duncan will come back in a minute.”

“You know me?” Claire frowned, confused. She had no recollection of ever meeting this woman and she had worked at the hospital for the last fifteen years.

“Of course I know you, I’ve been working here for the last few months,” The young woman didn’t seem too alarmed and simply smiled again, as she checked Claire’s vitals, “It’s Mary Hawkins!”

Claire closed her eyes again, “You are very loud, Mary.”

“Oh I’m so sorry, your head must be killing you,” She said in a lower voice – looking at Claire with empathy, “Don’t you remember me?”

“I’m afraid not, I’m sorry,” Claire said sincerely, her eyes still shut. She couldn’t see Mary’s sudden shift of expression.

“I will go and get Doctor Duncan, don’t move,” The nurse disappeared as quickly as she came in.

As she was alone once again, Claire took a minute to think about her situation. She remembered Geillis and some bits about work but in the grand scheme of things, she had no recollections of her childhood or memories before the age of twenty.

“Claire,” Geillis made her way inside and smiled.

“Why is everyone yelling?” She raised her eyebrows.

“I’m no’ yelling,” Geillis said amused and looked at her friend, “So, are ye feeling?”

“Confused,” Claire said truthfully. This was her friend, there was no need to hide her feelings, “And also as if I have the worst hangover in my life.”

“Well, you’ve been hit by a car so I can guess you don’t feel your best,” The red-haired doctor sat on the edge of the bed, “I’m so glad you are fine, you have no idea how scared I was!”

“Geillis, I didn’t know that nurse.” 

“Yes, Mary told me. You might have some temporary memory loss, we will make a couple of more tests but I need to know exactly what you know and what you don’t. What is the last thing you remember?”

Claire thought for a long second, “It was Tuesday morning and I got home from my shift. I got changed and laid down to sleep.”

“Do you remember the year?”

“Of course,”She looked at the doctor, “It’s 2016.”

“Oh,” Geillis looked at her, eyes widening. 

“What?” Claire frowned – her wrist was tickling under her cast and it took all her willpower not to try and get it off her.

“Uhm, we’re in 2018, love. And you have not been back to work since we got home from Scotland a few days ago. Actually, ye got hit by a car as ye were on the way home from the airport.”

“Scotland?” Claire frowned, “Why were we in Scotland in the first place?”

“We were for the high school reunion…Claire, tell me you’re messing with me right now and you actually remember the last two years,” Geillis looked really alarmed and it didn’t help Claire relax, at all.

“No…” she answered truthfully. She had no recollection of going to Scotland and even less attending high school there, “Geillis I don’t remember about my childhood nor anything that I did before the age of twenty.”

A doctor was supposed to compartmentalise and hide their emotions well but as Geillis listened to her friend’s confession, her expression shifted from shock to horror and then to panic while Claire was very well aware of it.

“You don’t remember about Jamie? And what happened before we got back to Boston?” The scot’s eyes widened even more.  

_Jamie_. The man she had seen in her dreams. Tall, broad, ginger and very Scottish. The name was familiar but he was more like a blurry memory than a tangible sight.

Claire shook her head, “I don’t. Why? What happened?”

“Shit,” The word escaped Geillis’ mouth quicker than she realised but Claire couldn’t ask further questions nor admit what she had dreamt about. A man – who was also wearing a coat lab walked into the room. It was one of her third-year interns, Luke.

“Oh babe,” The man seemed relieved as he made his way to Claire and kissed her carefully.

“Are you insane?!” Claire looked at him with wide eyes, “Don’t bloody kiss me!”

Geillis got up, “Luke…Claire has some memory troubles.”

“You don’t know who I am?” He looked at Claire, panicked.

“Of course I know! What I would like to understand if why you kiss your resident on the mouth? I might have flirted with you once or twice but nothing to permit you to do such a thing,” Claire grabbed the little remote next to her and pushed the button to be in a sitting position.

“She thinks we’re still in 2016,” Geillis explained, looking at the confused dark haired man.

“Ah.” Luke ran his fingers through his hair, “Temporary memory loss.”

Claire looked at them both and frowned, “What? I’m sleeping with my intern now? 2018 is the year of Beauchamp’s debauchery apparently.”

“Well we’ve been seeing one another since last year, Claire,” Luke smiled tenderly and touched her cheek, “As long as you are alright, we’ll work on the memory, don’t worry about that.”  

“Oh,” Claire looked at him. He was very handsome – and a bit younger than she was – but he was really not her type. She couldn’t even remember if he was good in bed. It was not the time to ask.

“Can you leave us for a bit, please? I would like to rest some more and I need to talk with Geillis.”

Luke nodded, bringing her good hand to his lips, “Of course, I’ll be around and if you need me, just beep me okay?”

“I uh will beep you, yes.”

She watched as Luke left the room and Geillis closed the door. The scot had an amused expression on her face and Claire couldn’t blame her, “I am really sleeping with my intern?”

“Ye are. Not that I could blame ye, he’s handsome and a verra good doctor. I bet he’s good with anatomy and all.”

Claire sighed, exasperated, “Do you have some alcohol on hand?”

“Aye, in my locker but I canna give it to ye with the meds,” Geillis admitted and sat down again, “I know it’s a lot Claire but your memory will come back, just give it time.”

“When can I go home? Surely it will do me some good.”

“In a week or two,”

“This is a nightmare,” Claire sighed, closing her eyes, “I’m not awake right?”

“I’m afraid ye are, Claire.”

**********

After two weeks, Claire was dismissed from the hospital. She realised how much she hated that place when she wasn’t there to work and she believed it would do her some good to be back home. Her bruises were slowly healing and she had to keep the cast for three more weeks. Most importantly, her memory was still very much damaged and in no way improving.

During her stay, they had done countless tests and tried to stimulate her brain as much as possible but nothing had helped. She had bumped her head so hard that the hematoma on her brain had damaged a few cells in the process. 

When she wasn’t doing some test, Claire was sleeping hoping to grasps a sigh of her scot in the peacefulness of her dreams. 

“There we are,” Luke said happily, opening the door of Claire’s house for her to get in. Geillis had an emergency surgery so the intern agreed to bring Claire home before the scot would join her.

“Thank you,” Claire walked in and looked at him. During the last two weeks and his numerous visits, she had wondered what she found so attractive about him to end up in a relationship.  _She was still wondering._

“How are you feeling?” Closing the door, he put her bag on the chair and walked over to her. He had the most tender expression on his face but Claire was simply not attracted to him. At least not in the way he was to her.

“I’m fine,” She said truthfully. “I just can’t wait to remove my cast. That bloody thing is making my skin scratch and I can’t access it.”

“I remember when I broke my leg as a kid, I was desperate to take the goddamn thing off, I used a rubber to get inside and scratch the skin,” He grinned, wrapping his arms protectively around her.

“I should try that.” Claire looked up at him, “Luke, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Do you want some tea first?”

Claire nodded and watched him disappear into the kitchen. From the way he navigated into her house, she knew he had been here many times but he felt like a stranger. A very kind one, but still, a stranger.  

On her way to the living room, she stopped to examine the pictures on the wall. One was from her Harvard graduation day, another of a child with two people. The woman looked exactly like herself and Claire thought it was probably her parents. She tried to find something linking her to the red-haired scot of her dreams but nothing in her home gave her any hint of it – and it broke her heart a little bit.

“Tea for the lady,” Luke exclaimed happily, appearing into the living room. He deposited the tray on the table and sat down on the velvet chair, “And some complimentary biscuits to go with it.”

Claire sat down on the leather sofa opposite him and gave Luke a polite smile. She carefully took the warm mug and let the porcelain burn her fingers, it was the only way for her to know she was actually awake.

“Luke, I can’t be with you in this state…I think we should stop seeing one another for now,” It was better to say it at once and his stunned expression made her realise he wasn’t expecting that.

“But Claire…you will get better,” Luke reached for her cheek but she pulled away and deposited her mug back on the table.

“I know but in the meantime, I have to focus on myself and I can’t be with you right now. I don’t…I mean I like you but as my intern, not as a man I want to date.”

Luke watched her and stayed silent for a little while. He took her hand and looked at her eyes, “I’m serious about you, Claire. I’ll wait as long as I need for you to get better and to remember but I’ll give you the time you need, okay?”

Claire nodded, touched by his understanding, “Thank you.”

“Do you want me to wait until Geillis gets here?”

“No, it’s okay. She’ll be here soon and in the meantime, I’ll have a shower and sort myself out. Two weeks at the hospital, I feel disgusting.”

“Will you be alright?” He watched her. 

“Yes,” She smiled softly, “Really, don’t worry about it, Luke. I’m fine.”

“Okay,” He said softly and got up, “If you need anything, just call me.”

“I will,” Claire got up in turn, watching him. She truly felt sorry for this man but she had to think of herself first.

“Take care,” Gently, Luke leaned down and kissed her cheek. Claire didn’t say a word, she didn’t even look at him as he grabbed his jacket and left the room. She waited for the sound of the front door closing to sit down again and sighed.

**********

The warm water cascaded on her body and it was a welcomed sensation after two weeks of half warm hospital water and sink washing. She had wrapped her cast in plastic and washed her hair with her good hand, as best as she could.

Claire had no idea how long she stayed in the shower, she didn’t care. It was the one place that no matter what was happening in her life, she could get in and wash off her worries with burning water and some patchouli soap. She didn’t think, she just existed and it was enough – even for a few minutes.

Reluctantly, she stepped out of the shower and dried her body with her good hand. It was the left one and it made her feel clumsy. As a surgeon, Claire relied on her hands for everything and being deprived of one at the moment was a nightmare. She didn’t even try to wrap her hair in the towel and instead, patted her damp curls and let them dried on their own.

She struggled equally to put on panties and didn’t even try to attempt fighting with a bra. At least, she felt a bit better. Until she caught her reflection in the mirror of her room.  There was something on her side that she had not noticed and as she leaned closer, she saw it.

The tiny J tattooed on her skin. It was a bit faded but there nonetheless. She had no idea what it meant but maybe Geillis would know. The only thing that Claire known was that for the two days she spent in a coma, she had dreamt about Jamie – a man she didn’t remember and yet, she knew they were connected –  and about their lives together. She was even pregnant, then.

As Claire looked down at herself, her hand travelled to her flat and empty stomach and rested there. _It had all been a dream._

* * *

 

 


	8. To Scotland with Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire has questions and Geillis decides a little trip to Scotland would do her memory some good...

“Claire, are ye no’ going to eat anything?” Geillis watched her friend with raised eyebrows and arms crossed.

Geillis had arrived an hour ago from the hospital and had brought take away with her. They had agreed the Scottish doctor would move in until Claire’s memory would improve. Which hopefully would be soon.

“I’m not hungry,” Claire mumbled, poking her spring roll with the fork. She was leaning back in the sofa, her feet on the coffee table and her mind elsewhere. 

“What’s going on?” Geillis sat down next to her, looking worried. Since her accident, Claire had barely had time to talk with her friend who was running around the hospital all day while she was too tired to stay awake for most of the time.

Now home, the recovering doctor had a lot of answered questions and it was time to ask them to Geillis.

“When I woke up at the hospital and before Luke stormed in, you asked me if I didn’t know Jamie and what had happened,” Claire took a bit of food to distract herself, “What did you mean ?”

Geillis nodded, “I meant what happened the day after the reunion in Scotland. Between ye and Jamie.”

“Well, obviously I don’t remember what I did or who’s Jamie,” Claire looked at her. Before Geillis had arrived, she had found two things. Jamie’s number in her iPhone and an old photo booth picture of herself with him – of course she had been too coward to call the number but she had stared at the picture for a long time. They both looked seventeen at best and smitten with one another. Even if she couldn’t remember anything about this man other than what she had dreamt of, the simple sight of the picture had moved her deeply.

There was something buried inside of her  – something she needed to untrap in order to remember. And weirdly, as she looked at the two people kissing on the paper, she knew what it felt like to be kissed by his lips.  

“Ye dated Jamie for two years before you both decided to end things for ye to move to Boston when ye got accepted at Harvard. And when I mean date, I mean it in the most serious way. Tis’ wasna some high school infatuation, he simply didn’t follow you because his father was sick and he had to take care of the house and the business. Fast forward, twenty years later, ye and I go to the reunion and ye saw Jamie again - ”

“And? I guess he would be there if he attended the same high school,” Claire remarked, “Plus if we parted on good terms, I don’t see a problem.”  

“Obviously I wasn’t there but that’s what ye told me on the plane. Ye said ye two went for a coffee the next day, to a place on the Royal Mile and ye asked him to join ye in your hotel room – he accepted and ye two spent the afternoon having sex.”

Claire stayed silence for a little bit, both to let Geillis’ words sink and to try to remember something about that day.

“And then I just flew back here?” She asked softly. 

“Aye ye did,” Geillis shook her head, exasperated, “Ye believe Jamie is happily married and will never leave his wife for ye but obviou…”

“Jamie’s married?” Claire interrupted her friend, sitting straighter. That was a piece of information she had not thought about – even if he had been in her dreams.

“Right,” The scot bit her lower lip as if she had said too much.

Nodding, Claire sipped some water and cleared her throat, “Well thank you for refreshing my memory on what I did in Scotland.”

“Ye didn’t regret it, ye know,” Geillis touched her hand, “Ye needed to be with Jamie, even one last time to have closure and that’s what ye did. I can see ye beating yourself over it but please, don’t do it.”

“No, it’s not that,” Claire sighed, “I mean, I don’t condone cheating, I’m not that type of woman, I guess I did it for a reason. But there is something else…”

Claire let the words hang in the air for a little while as Geillis waited for when she would be ready to say whatever she needed to say.

“I dreamt of him. Of Jamie,” Claire said softly, “When I was in a coma…and everything felt so real and tangible,”

“Do ye want to tell me all about it? You know coma can cause such intense dreams and all,” Geillis got up and made her way to the little bar, “Do ye want a wee dram?”

“I need one, yes but don’t tell my doctor,” Claire managed a little grin as she watched her friend pour her a glass. Her head was pounding but she tried to ignore it.

“Ye’re getting yer wit back, ‘tis a good sign love,” Geillis smiled, sitting down on the sofa again. She handed Claire the drink and leaned back.

“That’s not much wit,” Claire took a sip of whisky and closed her eyes – letting the warm liquid go down her throat in a comforting manner. She finished her dram in silence before she would start the telling of her tale. Geillis was in no rush and gave her friend all the time she needed.

“I was pregnant,” Claire finally said out loud for the first time. Her hand tingled to rest of her empty stomach but she held her fist tightly shut not to do it.

She took a breath.

“I took a test after coming home and I was pregnant. Luke was in my dream too but I knew he wasn’t the father…It was Jamie,” She whispered, closing her eyes as if she tried to see it again. _His face at her door._

“Then Jamie showed up, when I told him I was expecting his child, he admitted being in Boston to see me again. That he had left his wife because he wanted to be with me. I left Luke and we moved back to Scotland,” She sighed. 

“Everything feels blurry and yet, I can still see it perfectly. Then I was at his sister’s house and she hated me.”

“Jenny dinna hate ye, she never would,” Geillis said with a smile, “You two stayed in contact over the years.”

“We did?” Claire frowned. 

“Aye. I mean the polite Christmas card and all. It wasn’t like she visited Boston on a monthly basis.”

“Why do I miss him so much when I can barely remember anything about this man?”

“Because ye and Jamie, it’s this weird thing of a love story,” Geillis admitted with a smile. 

“Tis’ the kind ye read about in books and ye try to look for in life but ye canna find. At least other people canna, ye did it.”

“I’m even more confused now,” Leaning back, Claire rubbed her temple.

“You once told me you and Jamie came from the same thing. That your souls were two pieces of the same one implanted in your bodies at birth,”

“I said that? Me?” Claire didn’t recall to be such a romantic.

“Aye,” Geillis grinned, poking her, “When it comes to James Fraser, ye’re a wee bit cheesy.”

“Well now I know why I dreamt of him for two straight days, I guess our time together after the reunion aroused my subconscious in a certain way.”

“I bet ye were aroused after yer wild afternoon wi’ Jamie alright, aye,” Geillis smirked and Claire couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s not like I remember it, Geil,” Her mouth’s curled up into a smile – there were some things she could grasp of that afternoon: touches, kisses, whispers. But nothing enough to remember properly.

“I think ye and I shall take a wee vacation to Scotland,” Geillis proposed with a grin.

“To do wot?” Claire was surprised at the idea but even if she tried to act as if it wasn’t a good one, the truth was, she wanted to go. 

_Something was calling her. Pulling her there._

“Ye canna work wi’ yer cast and ye spent a part of yer life there. A part ye canna remember so I think it would do ye some good,” 

The scot remarked, “I have a place in Edinburgh, so that’s sorted and the air will be good for yer soul.”

“Are you talking as my friend or as my doctor?”

“Both,” She grinned, “We’re going to Scotland and that’s it.”

**********

Geillis had slept the entire flight to Edinburg but Claire had been restless. Too many things were going through her mind to be able to peaceful to succumb to slumber – and planes were the most uncomfortable place to sleep properly, anyway. It had been easy to leave for Scotland, tickets booked online, suitcases packed, a taxi to the airport and a few hours later, the two women arrived at their destination. What was complicated, for Claire anyway, was what she would do once she would be there?

Jamie was permanently in her mind. There was no way she would show up at his door to say hello, whatever Geillis had suggested – but she couldn’t help and wonder what he had been feeling since their afternoon at the hotel. He hadn’t called nor tried to contact her, which to her was a good indication it had really been an afternoon of closure for him. H _e was married, after all._

That sheer fact made Claire’s heart sting every time she thought about it. It was the most confusing feeling not to remember a man and yet, to know she had been stamped by him one way or another enough to feel sad at the idea this very man was married to another woman. 

Edinburgh had been gloomy and cold when they arrived but the sight of the city had warmed her to the bone. She just knew she was home here. Geillis’ luxurious apartment was situated in the old part of town and about forty minutes from the airport in a cab. Claire spent the entire ride glued to the window like a child, taking in the unknown yet familiar street views.

They had arrived in the early evening and Claire didn’t last long before she collapsed on the king size bed and fell asleep. It had been a long day and she needed to rest – but also to seek Jamie in her subconscious. Each night, she let herself be consumed by him and by what could have been if they were together. Maybe what she saw were memories – _she didn’t know_  – but she felt happy.

***********

“Good morning, mistress,” Geillis grinned once Claire stepped into the kitchen the next morning.

“Hey Geil,” Claire said in a husky voice, smiling sleepily. Her hair was all over the place –  _like most mornings_ – and she wore some tartan flannel pyjamas.

“How did ye sleep?”The redhead handed her a coffee and Claire accepted it gladly. 

_Jetlag was a real bitch._

“Like a rock,” Claire sat down on the stool, “I didn’t know where I was when I woke up which was somehow pleasant, not going to lie.”

Geillis grinned, “Ye’re home.”

“I feel at home, yeah,” Claire admitted, sipping her coffee, “I don’t know how to explain it, I just feel…at peace.”

“Tis a good start,” Geillis winked, patting her arm, “I found a few pictures last night that can interest ye.”

Claire had spent some time in Boston going over pictures of her childhood and early years with Geillis. Her friend explained to her the unusual upbringing of the young Claire Beauchamp and the flamboyant man uncle Lamb had been. She explained how Claire moved to Edinburgh once her uncle found a teaching job at the university when she was about twelve and how before that, they had spent their time travelling the world for his archaeological researches.  

Some memories of her time with Lamb had come back to her – one afternoon in the Sahara desert or walking through the market in Marrakesh and how much she had loved the smell of spices.

Geillis handed her a bunch of photographs Claire looked through attentively,

“This is Rupert and Angus, along wi’ me, ye and Jamie. And that’s Jenny, his sister. We always hang out together when we were goin’ out,” she explained, pointing out to some people on the paper.

What struck Claire the most was how Jamie looked at her on those pictures – she had never seen anyone looking at another person that way. His eyes were full of kindness and admiration, but also of something she couldn’t grasp or name.  _Something she didn’t dare to hope for._

“Ye dinna change much really,” Geillis remarked, “It’s actually verra unfair,”

“I admit my hair is still a mess yeah. I’m sure there’s stuff hidden in there,” Claire grinned, taking another sip of coffee before looking through the pictures again.

“If tis’ no diamonds or money, I’m no’ interested,” Grinning, the scot leaned against the table, “So what do ye wanna do today?”

Claire shrugged, “I don’t know, walk around?”

“Aye, we can do that! But I need to ask ye a question first…”

“I won’t call Jamie,” Claire admitted before Geillis had the chance to even say what she had to say.

“Why no’?” The redhead’s eyes widened.

“Because I thought about it thoroughly and first of all, he is married. No matter what happened after the reunion, it’s a fact I can’t ignore,” She started, “Then, if he had been thinking about me, he would have said something but he didn’t which indicates me he’s not planning on leaving his wife anytime soon,”

“But…”

“And most importantly,” Claire continued, ignoring Geillis, “I don’t remember him. No matter what type of connection I feel, I can’t show up at his door and shatter his life when I don’t even know if I love him or not.”

“Let me tell ye somethin’,” Geillis looked at her seriously, “Wherever there is Claire Beauchamp around, Jamie Fraser canna help himself. Tis’ like the first law of thermodynamics.”

“No, it’s not,” Claire rolled her eyes.

“Trust me, it is,” Geillis wiggled her eyebrows, “I canna force ye to do anything ye dinna want but I can walk around the city wi’ ye and reminisce about the olden days so go get dressed, Beauchamp.”

“Fine!” Getting up, Claire disappeared and went back to her room. She finished her coffee and got dressed for the day – jeans and turtleneck would do. She usually didn’t fuss with her hair but with her cast, she was not even going to think about it. In ten minutes, she was ready and out the door with Geillis.

“What are we doing?” Claire turned to look at Geillis who was closing the door. She just noticed the scot was carrying two leather bags.

“We’re goin’ to the Highlands,” Geillis said nonchalantly, walking towards her car.

“Wot?” Claire frowned, “What for?”

“Fresh air and some whisky tasting,” Geillis put the bags in the boot and closed it, “Hop in!”

“I thought we were going to visit the city,” Claire said once they were both into the car. It was a vintage beige Mercedes – totally something Geillis would drive.

“We have plenty of time to do so, right now, there’s somewhere else I want ye to see,” Geillis started the engine, “And before ye ask about it, no ye dinna have any choice in the matter.”

Claire threw her hands in the air in defeat and leaned back in her seat. There was no use to argue with Geillis anyway and maybe going to the countryside would take her mind off Jamie.

The ride wasn’t very long – thirsty minutes at best and most of the time in the car had been spent singing along cheesy 90s songs with Geillis. From Deee-Lite to the Spice Girls and even TLC, the two friends did nothing to help the pissing rain outside. That was something odd – Claire didn’t remember her place of birth or who was the first guy she kissed but she knew all the lyrics to these songs.

As the car drove to the estate Geillis was bringing her, something in Claire’s body shifted. As the big house was coming more and more into view, her breath hissed.

“Geillis,” She said softly, “What is this place?”

Her question was useless, she had been here before.

_Lallybroch._

Claire stayed silent as they get out of the car and picked up the bags. She was aware of Geillis’ glance but she hoped her face was unreadable. She followed the redhead inside the place — it was a cosy bed and breakfast and apparently there was whisky tasting somewhere around the estate. Claire needed a drink and a strong one.

A young man named Ian showed Claire to her room, which was in front of Geillis’ and he explained what was going on around the estate. He then politely asked her if she needed anything else and when she had declined, he went back downstairs.

Geillis smiled, “Tis a gorgeous place is it no’? And they have the best whisky.”

“Geillis, I know I’ve been here before, I don’t know why I was here but I know I was so cut the bullshit,” Claire sighed, sitting on the canopy bed of her room.

“Good, tis’ working already,” Geillis grinned, “Now, we’re going to have whisky, relax, spend the night here and tomorrow, we’re going back to the city.”

“Alcohol sounds really nice, “ Getting up, Claire walked towards her friend and walked out the door. She cast a last glance at the blue room before closing the door. There was something so warm about this place – something she had experienced before but couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. It drove her mad.

As she followed Geillis downstairs, she was too busy looking around and racking her brain for memories to pay attention to what her friend was saying. Geillis had disappeared into a hallway when Claire stopped to study the paintings on the wall. She took long minutes to study the faces –  _familiar ones_  – before she realised her friend had disappeared.

Cursing herself, the Englishwoman hurried to find her friend and turned a corner rapidly. She bumped into a tall – _very tall –_ man and they both lost their balance.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!” She cursed, falling on top of him. Claire felt two strong arms wrapping around her waist tightly as her eyes were closed.

“A dhia, Claire!”

She knew that voice and it was enough to send a panic rush through her entire body.

Slowly, Claire opened her eyes and looked down. The face was gorgeous, the eyes were a deep blue colour such as the sea. A sea she had drowned in before.   
  
She wasn’t dreaming this time.

_Jamie._


	9. Mystery Of Love

Claire remembered the exact moment she had seen Jamie for the very first time. It had been her first day of high school in Edinburgh – she had been nervous and scared, after years of homeschooling with uncle Lambert – it turned out to be one of the best days of her life.

> _She was late. Claire had gotten lost looking for her next class and she had run to the other side of the school. She was sweaty, her hair tie had exploded to free her curls and as she walked into the class, she was out of breath. Thankfully, the teacher was late too so Claire went to sit down at the back, very aware of the other students’ eyes on her._
> 
> _She sat on the only available seat next to a giant scot with fiery red hair who was busy staring at her. After a split second of reflection, Claire turned to him, “You’re starring.”_
> 
> _The young man’s cheeks turned the colour of his hair and he ran a hand on the back of his neck, “Och, sorry I dinna mean to, ‘tis just…ye’re new, aye?”_
> 
> _“Yes, I’m new, thank you for the reminder,” She smiled softly._
> 
> _“I’m Jamie Fraser,” He smiled warmly, “Welcome.”_
> 
> _“I’m Claire Beauchamp,” She couldn’t help but return the smile. There was something about him…something that tore her inside in the most pleasant way possible._

“Claire!” The name knifed across his heart with a pain that was more racking than anything his body had ever been called on to withstand. Jamie looked up, surprise floating in his blue eyes as well as something else… _Delight? Shock?_

Claire was very aware of his body under hers and how warm he was. At once, she got up, “I’m uh…I’m sorry I should truly look where I go.”

“What are ye doing at Lallybroch?” Jamie got up too, he looked actually panicked now that he realised she wasn’t a vision. Something that Claire wished she hadn’t noticed.

“I uhm, I’m here with Geillis,” She looked around to find her friend and murder her.  

Quickly, Jamie pulled her aside into a tiny room and closed the door, “Why did ye show up here? ‘Tis no’ a good idea,” His voice lowered and he ran his fingers through his red curls – making her hand itch to do the same.

“I didn’t know we were coming here…It’s a long story,” Claire looked at him, biting her lower lip. She felt ashamed and embarrassed to be standing in front of this man who looked like he didn’t want to see her around, at all.

Jamie took note of her cast and frowned, “What happened to yer hand?”

“Oh,” Claire looked down at her cast and then back at him. Her stomach was in knots, “I had an accident in Boston and I was in a coma for two days…that’s part of the long story.”

Jamie’s face softened all of sudden, “Are ye alright?”

“I’m fine, it’s just my memory,” She smiled softly.

”That’s also why Geillis brought me back to Scotland so I would hopefully remember some things,” Claire let her last word hang in the air for a long moment as her whisky eyes observed Jamie. No matter what she remembered, what she was feeling standing here and looking at this man, couldn’t be mistaken for anything else but love. 

“Look, I’m sorry…I didn’t know you would be here, I didn’t even remember you or this place if it wasn’t for Gellis tales.”

“Ye…” Jamie stepped closer, his expression had become unreadable but something in his eyes told Claire his heart had just broken a little bit, “Ye dinna remember me?”

“I remember your face,” Claire said softly, touching his cheek with the tip of her fingers, “And what Geil told me about you. About us. The rest is…blurry.”

“I’m not here to cause trouble for you, I’m really not,” She admitted, “I was just hoping this trip to Scotland would help and we’ll go back to the Edinburgh tomorrow night.”

“Dinna fash,” Jamie’s mouth curled up into a smile, “I was just surprised to see ye is all. ‘Tis not everyday ye come to Scotland for a visit.”

Nodding, Claire returned the smile. Her heart was starting to beat faster as she realised she was in a closet with Jamie and all the air seemed to have evaporated as their eyes locked.  _Her lips were burning for him…_

“Jamie?” The voice was soft, coming from the hall and made Claire froze.

Claire cleared her throat, “Someone’s looking for you.”

Nodding, Jamie smiled softly, “Aye, tis’ Mary.”

_The wife._

“You should go,” Claire cleared her throat, taking a step back. “ And so should I. Geillis is probably wondering where I am.”

Jamie nodded again and looked at her, “I’ll see ye later, aye?”

“Aye,” Claire responded and tiptoed to kiss his cheek. Her lips lingered on his skin for far too long. It was only when Jamie pulled back that she opened her eyes again. He gave her a tender smile and got out quickly.

Claire waited for the voices to fade before she too stepped out. Her heart was pounding in her ear and quite frankly, she wanted to run away. To go back to Boston and forget about all of this. About Jamie and what could have been. But for some reason, her feet were stuck on Scottish grounds. 

Dreaming of him was one thing but seeing him in the flesh was quite another. She didn’t think her body would react in such a way: sweater palms and butterflies lose in her stomach. 

*********

“There ye are!” Geillis exclaimed with a grin once Claire made her way to the garden. She somehow already had a glass of whisky in her hand.

“I’m going to kill you,” The fresh air did her some good but Claire was still shaken from her encounter with Jamie. Apparently, he had that power over her.

“Why? Because of the whisky? Tis’ always five o’clock somewhere,” Geillis looked at her amused.

“No not because of that,” Claire grabbed the glass and downed the liquid – burning her throat in the process. “I bumped into Jamie.”

“He’s here?” Geillis looked at her.

“Yes, he is! Don’t act as if you didn’t know,” Claire sighed, looking at her friend.

“Weel, I dinna know he was here, he lives in the city. I took ye here because that’s a place you loved and ye made great memories here” The redhead said truthfully, looking at Claire, “Do ye wanna leave?”

Sighing, Claire sat down on the bench. She didn’t answer at first, instead, she stared at the bottom of the empty glass, as if she would find the solution in there. Truthfully, she was lost. Her brain told her to flee but her heart told her to stay. 

“Yes, that’s what I should want…” Claire looked up at Geillis, “But I don’t.”

“Look, we’re here until tomorrow, having Jamie around will be good to help wi’ yer memory, I’m sure.”

“His wife is around too,” Claire mumbled. She had no right to be jealous and yet, here she was. “And he didn’t seem too thrilled to see me around here before I explained him the situation. Not that I could blame him, I’m sure he doesn’t want his wife to throw a fit over his ex.”

“I think he’s just happy his prayers for you to come here have been answered,” Geillis nudged her arm, smirking. “Plus, Mary willna make a scene about ye being here. She likes to act as if they are the perfect couple or that she isna jealous because she had no reasons to be.”

“Well, maybe she doesn’t have a reason to be. They must be happy together to stay married,” Claire took a sip of the last drop of whisky in the glass.

“Do I have to remind ye who he slept with less than a month ago?” Raising her eyebrow, Geillis looked at Claire and she stayed silent, letting the words sink in.

“I asked him to do it,” She mumbled.

“Okay Beauchamp, now listen to me,” Geillis threw her hands up in exasperation while Claire looked at her reluctantly. 

“James Fraser’s faith is notorious, the man doesn’t break a promise he made before God…except for ye. For ye, he’s ready to sin to only breathe the same air as ye one last time. If ye can look at me and tell me honestly ye dinna feel anything for him, that it was a mistake to come here, we’ll be on the next plane back to Boston and we won’t talk about it any longer.”

Claire did not answer. She could not tell her friend she wasn’t feeling anything for Jamie because she was. Seeing him at woken up something buried deep inside of her, something she did not suspect to be there. She didn’t know what staying here would do but she didn’t want to leave. 

“We’re staying until tomorrow evening, not one day longer,” Claire got up, handing Geillis the empty glass.

“Fine,” Geillis smirked as Claire walked away, exasperated.  “We are ye goin’?”

“I’m going for a walk,” She responded, not looking behind her. The fresh air had been helpful at first but she was not back to feeling as if she was suffocating. Somehow she knew the estate like the back of her hand and receded further away towards the river to find some peace.

**********

After her walk and sitting by the river for a while, Claire stayed the rest of the day hidden in her room – lying face flat on the canopy bed. The fireplace was crackling and the light outside was slowly fading. She had snoozed at some point  _(no idea for how long_ _)_  and wondered what Jamie could have been doing. She had remembered their first meeting after bumping into him earlier but she was not remembering anything tangible. Some things, however, were coming back to her –  _feelings_.

Feelings of Christmas mornings by the fire, and summer afternoons kissing by the lake.   
Feelings of sun burning her nose and snow freezing her bones.   
Feelings of her skin prickling at something Jamie had whispered in her ear before his lips had found the delicate skin of her neck.

A knock brought her out of her thoughts and Claire sighed, “Wot?”

Geillis walked in, grinning, “Beauchamp, get ready!”

“What for?” Claire mumbled into the pillow.

“Tis’ happen that it’s a wee celebration for Fraser Whisky here this evening and we’re cordially invited,” Geillis grabbed the plaid and pulled it off Claire’s body, bursting her warm bubble in the process.

“Why would I go to that?” Turning around, Claire looked at her with raised eyebrows, sitting up a bit.  

“Because there’s free alcohol and Jamie in a kilt,” The scot grinned. The word Jamie torn Claire’s stomach and she felt sick again.  

“With his wife at his arm,” Claire rolled her eyes, laying back down again, “Leave me alone, I have nothing to wear anyway.”

“Okay cut the self-pity, Beauchamp. You are getting up, changing and claiming your man,” Geillis grabbed her good hand and pulled her up from the bed, “Fix yer hair, I’ll be right back with an outfit.”

“Great, I’m going to look like a hooker,” Claire said, exasperated, walking over the table where a bottle of whisky was resting. She poured herself a glass and sat down on the bed, waiting for Geillis. The redhead reappeared two minutes later holding up proudly a little black dress.

“I’ve seen Jamie earlier and let me tell ye, the man looked quite fidgety,” She closed the door behind her, “I’m pretty sure he was trying to look for ye all day.”

“Just to make sure I did not say anything to his wife about our afternoon at the hotel. Yes, probably.” Claire rolled her eyes, sipping her whisky.

“Keep going but dinna be shocked when I’ll end up slapping ye, Beauchamp,” She handed her the dress, “Put this on.”

Claire drowned her drink at once and put it away before grabbing the dress – she needed all the liquid courage she could get. She didn’t want to admit it but it was exactly the kind of thing she would wear. For once, Geillis had made a good choice and it made her think she had planned this all along. 

“Is Jamie’s sister around?” Claire got changed into the dress.

Geillis shook her head sitting on the bed, “Nay, the lovely lad who showed us our room happens to be her son and he told me she’s visiting her husband’s family in Inverness for the week. Trust me, ‘tis better not to have her around. ”

“Oh…Right, I guess it wouldn’t help” Claire was disappointed not to see Jenny again – even if she felt a slight relief in the pit of her stomach. It was enough to have to deal with Jamie alone without having his sister shoving the wife to Claire’s face for the entire evening.

“Did Jamie say anything to you?” Claire inquired, putting on the black heels Geillis had  _miraculously_  packed for her.

“Well no, we talked briefly and Mary was next to him so ye can guess we dinna talk too much about ye…She kens ye’re here though.”

“Was she at the high school reunion? I felt like I’ve met her before even if I just heard her voice.”

“Aye,” Geillis rested on her elbow, “And she dinna say a single word when ye and Jamie disappeared into the library for almost an hour to talk.”

“Ah,” Claire looked at her through the mirror, “Well I guess she won’t say anything now, either. At least not in front of me.”

“Dinna fash, she won’t,” Geillis got up and stood behind Claire with a grin, “Ye look banging.”

“My hair is a mess,” Claire said as she stared at her mass of curls. 

“Yer hair is a mystery never to be fully understood, embrace it.”

Claire chuckled softly, looking at herself in the mirror. For once since her accident, she didn’t look like a shell of herself and her hair was actually not that catastrophic. She indeed didn’t look half bad, “I guess I’m ready…At least as ready as I’ll ever be.”

*********

The two women made their way downstairs to the main living area where some music was blasting. The place was packed with guests and waiters serving whisky and appetizers.

Claire didn’t need to scan the room to see if Jamie was there. As soon as she stepped in, her eyes were attracted to him like magnets and the sight of him made her breath hissed.

For a moment, she saw him as he had looked the morning after their first night together. The set of his tartan was nearly the same now as then as he was waiting for her to come down for Christmas mass; black check on a crimson ground, plaid caught at his shoulder with a silver brooch, dipping to the calf of a neat, stockinged leg. She remembered how the sight of Jamie in a kilt was enough to make her go weak at the knees.

Time seemed to have stopped…at least until Claire laid eyes on Jamie’s wife who was resting her head on his shoulder affectionately. The sight brought her back painfully to reality.

“Claire?” Geillis said a bit louder so she would hear her.

“Uh?” She turned her head to look at her friend, “What?”

“Are ye alright?”

Nodding, Claire took the glass of whisky Geillis was presenting to her, “Yeah…I didn’t image Jamie’s wife quite like that.”

Mary was the total opposite of Claire. She had blue eyes and straight blonde hair. She wasn’t very tall and actually looked older than Jamie. 

“Plain? Aye, what did ye expect? ‘Tis not easy to find something after going out with someone like ye, the poor man tried.”

“No…” Claire sighed, “I mean, they look quite happy together. Why would he sleep with me?”

“ _Why would he sleep with me_ , she asks?” The redhead snorted. 

“First of all, everyone would sleep with you, myself included and second of all, because they’re no’ happy.  James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser never got over ye. How many times do I have to say it to ye? Remove those bullshit glasses ye have on and see it for yerself before I slap some sense into ye,” Geillis smirked.

“Oh no, they’re coming over,” Claire turned slightly around to face Geillis and sipped her whisky.

“Claire…” The voice was Scottish alright, but it wasn’t Jamie’s. It was the one of his wife. “Geillis.”

Geillis smiled politely, “Hello again, ye two.”

Claire turned again, her face impeccable and a warm fake smile gracing her lips, “Hi.”

She looked at Mary first and then at Jamie. Her eyes lingered in his for far too long – so long both of the women next to them noticed it. Geillis couldn’t help a cheeky smirk as she sipped her whisky.

“Jamie told me about yer accident, I’m sae sorry about yer memory,” Mary touched Claire’s arm in empathy and smiled. She did seem bothered but she didn’t let anything appear, “I hope the Scottish air is helpin’ ye and of course, ye can stay at Lallybroch as long as ye need. Our home is always open.”

_Our home._  The words cut sharply through Claire’s heart like a scalpel and made it bleed but she stayed silent and simply smiled politely again. Lallybroch had been her home, once.

“So, fifteen years of Fraser’s Whisky,” Claire changed the subject quickly, looking at Jamie – who seemed both angry and embarrassed. She wasn’t sure if it was to her or towards his wife. “Congrats.”

“Aye,” His lips curled up into a warm smile, “Thank ye, Sassenach. I hope ‘tis some good whisky for ye.”

“It is,” She smiled, watching him as if he was the only other person in the room. The whisky was indeed delicious, warming her bones and burning her throat. 

What Claire didn’t know then was that her eyes inspired him for the whisky. And how, at the beginning, he would stay up for hours and hours to have it perfectly match their shade.  _Warm. Golden. Intoxicating._

“Och, Mrs Crooks is callin’ me,” Mary interrupted their silent conversation, “Excuse me, I’ll be back in a wee bit,” She leaned up, kissing Jamie’s lips – something that made Claire grip her glass tighter. 

Mary disappeared in the crowd, giving Geillis the perfect opportunity to leave, “And I need a refill,” Geillis added with a smile, looking at Jamie and Claire before disappearing in turn.

“Ye look well, Claire,” Jamie said softly, smiling, “I hope yer memory is improving.”

Nodding, Claire sipped her drink. She watched him intensely – both relieved and terrified to be alone with him for a little while, “Slowly, some bits are coming back to me.”

“Good,” Jamie reached to stroke a stray curl behind her ear. She had tied her hair back in a bun but it never stayed that way for too long. The slight stroke of his finger on her skin made her breath hissed and her skin prickled in delight.

“I might as well take that off before it breaks,” Claire reached behind her and untied her hair, letting her mass of curls roam free to frame her face to perfection.

Jamie’s mouth curled up into a warm smile, “Aye, ‘tis much better…”

He looked at her, then. Really looked for the first time and she felt as if he was the keeper of all her secrets, “Claire?”

“Yes?” She looked at him – her heart beating faster.

“Would ye dance wi’ me?”  

“Dance? I have two left feet,” She chuckled softly, finishing her drink. All that whisky was going to her head and her cheeks were flushed.

“And I have no’ sense of rhythm,” He put her glass away and took her hand, “Come on, I can agree that the DJ isna the most modern we could find but it’ll be fine!”

Claire caught a glimpse of Geillis leaning against the bar, flirting with a waiter and she wasn’t coming back anytime soon. As for Mary…well Claire didn’t care just now. “Fine, fine.”

The music was some upbeat 80s song that would not require Claire to be too close to Jamie so she took the hand he was offering her and followed him to the dance floor. Thankfully, other people were dancing too and hence, the attention wouldn’t be on Jamie and his ex-girlfriend. Except that as soon as Jamie and Claire stepped foot on the dancing area, the DJ switched to a love ballad.

In a romantic comedy, it would be perfect timing. As of right now, Claire wanted to run the other way as the first notes of  _Can’t Help Falling In Love_  started to play. 

_Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can’t help falling in love with you_

Jamie watched her, unsure of what she was about to do. He seemed as embarrassed as she was but with no intention of walking away. Instead, he offered her his hand…and she accepted.

_Shall I stay?_  
Would it be a sin  
If I can’t help falling in love with you?

Tentatively, Jamie rested his hand on her lower back and pulled her closer. 

Wrapping her arms around his neck, their eyes were locked and Claire was willingly letting herself drown into the sea blue staring into her soul. 

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be

Their bodies rocked pressed together on the music as the world around them disappeared into a blurry memory. Both trapped by a thing called love.

_Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can’t help falling in love with you_

Claire felt seventeen again. At the first Christmas, she had spent at Lallybroch. They had been dancing then, she remembered slowly. Promises of a future together had been discussed, kissed shared, on a music similar to this one. Except that when the song had ended tonight, Claire had to get back to reality.

And reality was the sight of Mary Fraser staring at them on the other side of the room. Jamie had spotted his wife and the expression on his face had shifted completely. He had rasped a quick apology and left Claire alone on the dancefloor to follow Mary who had stormed out of the room, at once. 

After that, Claire had retired to her room and packed her bag.

_Reality was all she had._

And when she left Lallybroch with Geillis the next morning, she realised it was all she would ever have. She looked up at a window where Jamie was silently observing her before stepping into the car with a heavy heart and drove away.

_Away from him and away from what could have been._


	10. Down Memory Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire remembers some things with the help of a certain someone.

Claire woke up at dawn. When the sun was not up yet and the city was still empty from its inhabitants. Since coming back from Lallybroch the day before, she had hidden in her room to avoid Geillis. She decided to stay in Edinburgh for a little more, hoping to help her memory improve but she was going to stop thinking about Jamie. He was married and as much as the thought broke her heart, it was a fact she couldn’t  _(and wouldn’t)_  ignore. 

This man wasn’t heirs to claim.

Geillis wasn’t going to wake up for another hour at least so Claire got ready and got out of the apartment. Leaving a little note to inform her friend she was spending the day in town,  _alone_. Truthfully, Claire was exhausted and simply sought peace. 

Her memory was like a broken machine that couldn’t remember more than a few details. Feelings, stamped in her heart forever remained but everything was blurry. Walking through the streets in the early mornings, the golden light of fall casting the loveliest glow on the ancient buildings. She had walked these streets many times – she had felt happy here.

She knew she was home. But she did not know  _why_.

Walking through Princes Street Gardens, her nose buried in a tartan scarf wrapped around her neck, providing her with some warmth and comfort. The city was slowly waking up. She remembered why she loved Edinburgh so much. It promised everything a city had to offer but people were not rushed. In Boston, everyone was too busy running from morning to night to stop to return a  smile.

She sat on one of the benches facing the Castle and simply watched life going by. Some people walked their dogs, other ran or were on their way to work. She had been one of these people once. In a life she couldn’t remember anything more than some fragments.

> _“What are you doing with that knife?” Claire looked at Jamie with wide eyes. They had been sitting on a bench together, talking about anything and everything, when all of a sudden, he took an army knife out from his pocket._
> 
> _“People buy silver plates to put on the benches, for people they care for,” He smiled, kissing her cheek._
> 
> _“Yes but that still doesn’t explain your knife?” She looked at him amused._
> 
> _“Weel, I dinna have enough money for a wee plate just yet but I can do something else. Here’s where my knife comes in, sassenach,” Jamie winked – or tried to. He moved slightly and carved their initials onto the wooden bench._
> 
> _CEBF + JAMMF_
> 
> _“My name is Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp,” She remarked, raising her eyebrow. “Where did you get that F?”_
> 
> _“A wee bit of projection is all,” He smiled shyly, taking her hand. “One day you’ll be Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp Fraser.”_
> 
> _“You seem pretty confident about that,” Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and closed the distance between them._
> 
> _“Aye, I’m verra confident abou’ it indeed, mo nighean donn,” Jamie sealed their lips before continuing, “I kent I will spend the rest of my life wi’ ye since I first saw ye. And I ken it will be a happy one…If ye’ll have me, of course.”_
> 
> _“I’ll have you,” Claire whispered softly against his lips, smiling._
> 
> _“I’ll have you any way I can until we’re old and grey. Even after that.” Claire rested her forehead against his and rubbed her nose against his with a smile. She was only seventeen but Jamie was the one, she never had a doubt in her mind about that._
> 
> _“I love ye, Claire,” Jamie said out loud for the first time – his blue eyes lost into her whisky ones._
> 
> _“And I love you,” She said in turn, her voice full of emotions. She leaned closer and sealed their lips once more. Like a promise of her love that was only his to have._

Claire felt a shiver running through her body as she remembered that moment with Jamie in the park.  _On this very bench._ Moving slightly, she looked down at the wooden material permanently carved with hers and Jamie’s initials. 

No matter what she did or where she was, Jamie was always there.   
No matter how much she tried to scrap him off her memory even more than he already was, he kept coming back. But it wasn’t unpleasant. It was reassuring and comforting to her to know that, at least, Jamie had been a constant in her life. Even if they had spent the last twenty years apart.

**********

The city had gotten a bit busier when Claire walked her way up towards the Royal Mile. She remembered a tiny cafe near the Castle and she was in desperate need of breakfast. The crisp air hit her face in the most pleasant way and gave her lungs a well-needed boost as she hiked the paved streets. Even with the mass of tourists and the bagpipes players at each corner, the feeling of peace and familiarity never left her.

She loved the sound of bagpipes. It pulled at the strings of her heart and made her smile as she was walking – hand tucked in her coat’s pockets and heads up, watching her surroundings. She couldn’t remember why she stayed in Boston all those years when her heart had never felt as light there as it did here.

Claire noticed the cafe wasn’t very big nor very busy when she made her way inside and greeted the lady behind the counter with a kind smile and a  _“Good morning”._

“Good day to ye, mistress. What can I get ye?” The young woman smiled in turn, watching as Claire examined the pastry counter.

“A cappuccino and that white chocolate cookie, please” Claire smiled, pointing at the counter. She looked through her purse for her wallet and paid for her order. Her cast was still a pain in the ass but she had learnt to navigate life with it and it would be off soon.

“Aye,,” The Scot, whose name tag said ‘ _Fiona_ ’ smiled, “Have a seat and I’ll bring them to ye in a minute.”

Nodding, Claire scanned the place to find a table to sit at. She stopped on the one near the window and hung her coat before sitting down. The cafe looked like stepping through time back to the 70s and it was exactly the place Claire loved.  It smelled like freshly roasted coffee and there was some jazz playing softly in the background. _It was familiar._  There was not one tourist in sight, just regulars, making her forget she was next door to the most visited site in the city.

Fiona brought the tray with Claire’s order and put it delicately on the table, along with the day’s newspapers, “There ye go. Enjoy!”

“Thank you,” Claire returned the smile and watched the young lady go back to the counter. She must not be more than twenty – with blonde curly hair pinned up messily on her head and big green eyes full of kindest. At that moment, she wished she would be that age again to do things differently. From what she could remember after her accident, she knew she had spent most of her life in Boston. It was the place she had called home, the place she never felt a connection to. And the place where her broken heart healed - not because Boston provided her with happiness, but because it provided a distraction.

As she watched out the window, she realised her twenty years absence didn’t change one thing in the city. It didn’t revolve around her and no one had noticed her being gone. The impact Scotland had had on her life, however, would forever stamp her heart. Here, she was home.

“Claire.”

She didn’t need to turn her head to know who it was. She knew that voice – as strong as whisky cascading down her throat but soft, like a feather stroking her skin. She could also see the reflection in the window. Tall, broad shoulders, red fiery hair.

_Jamie._

She swallowed the bite of cookie she had and turned, reluctantly bringing her eyes up to his face. Jamie was holding a cup in one hand and watched her as if he was a little boy seeing a magical creature he never believed existed before his eyes landed on it. Floating in the blue was awe mixed with a hint of fright.

“Hi,” Clare spoke softly. She managed a smile and hoped her face didn’t give away the fact she was both thrilled and terrified to see him.

“Hello,” His mouth curled up into a smile and his expression relaxed. “Breakfast, eh? Can I share the table wi’ ye? ‘Tis a bit busy. ”

Claire looked around before responding. She didn’t realise the cafe had filled while she was daydreaming at the window. “Uh, yes sure. Suit yourself.”

Jamie put the mug on the table and removed his coat before sitting down in front of her with a shy smile. There was an awkward tension between them – like two strangers on a first date. 

“How are ye?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” She sipped her coffee. “I sneaked out of Geillis’ apartment before she woke up and decided to spend my day wandering in the city.”

“‘Tis a good plan,” Jamie watched her, leaning his head against his palm, “Edinburgh is even more bonny in the autumn.”

“Everything is more bonny in autumn,” Claire remarked, her mouth curling up into a smile. It was her favourite time of the year after all, not that she thought Jamie remembered.

“Aye, ye always said that but ye are biased because ‘tis yer favourite season.”

“Do you actually remember that?” Her eyebrow raised in amusement.

“I remember a lot of things about ye, Claire Beauchamp,” Jamie said softly. So softly she almost didn’t hear him.

Claire brushed off what he just said and took a bite of cookie, as if she didn’t hear anything, “So…do you come here for breakfast often?”

“Aye, almost everyday cause the office isna very far. Plus, I always love this wee place.”

He had come here often. And so had Claire. Their first real date, every Sundays after that, on birthdays and the mornings of new years…the day after the reunion. They had sat at this very table on different stages of their lives together. First as friends, then as lovers and finally, as exes. Now, they were almost like strangers. After what had happened this past weekend, things between them had shifted.

“It’s a very nice place indeed,” Claire answered, remembering why this place felt so familiar, before stuffing her mouth with more cookie.

“Claire…”Jamie put his mug down, his blue eyes silently pleading her to look at him. Something she did automatically.

“I wanted to apologize for what happened this weekend. I…I’m sorry for the way I behaved after seein’ ye and leavin’ the party so abruptly. I shouldn’t have…”

“I didn’t want to I cause troubles between you and Mary,” Claire touched his hand softly, trying to ignore the electric shock that went through her fingers as she did so.

“I shouldn’t have shown up at Lallybroch unannounced, I didn’t even know you would be there. I should have never come back to Scotland for the reunion in the first place and I had no rights to ask you to come to my hotel after that…”

Jamie frowned, “Claire, I came willingly…ye dinna force me. And I dinna regret it,” He whispered, “I would never regret it. Do ye?”  

“Well, everything is quite blurry in my head but there is nothing to indicate me I regret it. I wanted you…I would never be sorry for that even if the circumstances are not ideal. But I’m not a homewrecker, Jamie. I did not come back here to find you, I came back here to find myself.”  

Claire didn’t tell Jamie she couldn’t completely be herself without him, even if she knew it was the truth. But the look in his eyes indicated he knew that already.

“Aye, I ken that,” Jamie reached up to touch her cheek and lightly stroked it with his thumb.

‘I’m so lost since that bloody accident. I don’t know who I am. I’m trying to hold onto the slightest piece of information that comes back to me but it drives me mad,” Claire sighed, looking down.

“What if I’m yer personal guide today?” Jamie smiled, lifting her chin, “I ken the city, I ken ye…at least the person ye were back then. Let me help ye remember, Claire.”

The way her name rolled off his tongue so easily drove her crazy. And she was learning there was nothing she could refuse him. At least not when he asked so tenderly.

Nodding, Claire touched his hand resting on her cheek, “Fine. You can drag me around and tell me embarrassing stories about my youth.”

“Och, perfect,” Jamie carefully swipe her upper lip with his finger, sending shivers through her body. It took all the willpower she had not to bite his finger on the spot.

“You had a milk moustache, Sassenach,” He grinned and Claire couldn’t help but laugh.

“And with that, I feel like there is actually quite a lot of embarrassing stories to be told about my youth.”

“Aye, quite a bit,” Jamie chuckled, finishing his tea. “But we all got those so dinna fash.”

“That’s a relief,” Smirking, Claire got up and put on her coat and scarf. The awkwardness of seeing Jamie after the weekend at Lallybroch had dissipated and she was just happy to have someone to talk to.  _A friend._  One that knew the young woman she had been better than anybody.

**********

Edinburgh wasn’t the biggest city. It was easy to walk from one part of town to the other in a fairly short time. But today, Claire wasn’t in a rush. Together with Jamie, she walked the narrow streets as she listened to his anecdotes on either the city or their time together in the 90s.

“And this wee place used to be where we all gathered to share a pint or study,” He stopped at a pub, grinning.

“We did more drinking than studyin’ here if ye ask me.”

Claire chuckled, “I have no issue believing that!”

“Ye put us all scots to shame wi’ the way you handle yer alcohol. I have to admit, the first time I saw ye drink, I was verra impressed.”

“Verra impressed, uh?” She mimicked his accent, smirking. “Me drinking is probably the classiest thing to witness.”

“It is quite, aye. Ye look verra posh and yet ye have the strength of a sailor.” Jamie admitted as they started to walk again. His hand was hitching to take hers but Claire didn’t know that. Even if she shared the sentiment, she shoved her hands safely inside her coat’s pockets. First for warmth and to avoid an accident.

“How was I?” She asked, looking at him. “When we met, I mean.”

“When I saw ye the first time, ye looked like a proper student – “

“A proper student?” Claire couldn’t help but laugh at his remark. “Is that good or?”

“‘Tis no’ bad,” Jamie grinned, “But I thought ye were stiff and no’ fun…”

“Well, thank you.” She nudged his side as they walked.

“I’m no’ finished,” Jamie smiled, “That was just my first impression and it lasted maybe three seconds. From the time ye walked in the classroom until ye sat down next to me. Ye turned towards me and told me I was staring.”

“Well, you were,” Claire pointed out, trying to hide her smirk in her scarf.

“Aye, I was. Ye looked like an angel fallen from the sky.” His words were like music to her ears. The most delightful sound she wasn’t allowed to listen to so she diverged with a joke.

“There is more chance I looked like a tired sixteen years old fallen from her bed because she didn’t hear her alarm clock.”

Jamie stayed silent and simple made an amused noise deep in his throat.

“Can you tell me why I left? For Boston, I mean,” Claire looked at him. They were walking through Old town where time seemed to have stopped. They could have been in 1743 or in 1998. Claire wouldn’t know any different by looking at the buildings.

“I know it was to go to Harvard but…why didn’t I come back to live here afterwards?”

“Och, well. I dinna ken why ye stayed in Boston. Life, I guess” Jamie looked at her, a sadness suddenly appearing in his eyes.

“Ye wanted to be a healer since ye were a wee lass…And Harvard was yer ultimate goal. Ye often told me about it and watchin’ ye heal people was probably the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed.”

Claire stayed silent and listened to the rest of what he had to say.

“Once, ye did CPR on a lady in the street. She had collapsed out of the blue and people around her were panicked – it was true chaos. But ye, ye stayed so calm…I will never forget the look on yer face while ye were saving this woman’s life. I will never forget how it seemed as if yer hands were working some sort of magic on her body. How ye kept her alive until the ambulance arrived and took over. Before that incident, ye told me about yer dreams aye. But after it, I understood that’s what ye were meant to do.” Jamie’s face beamed with pride.

Claire stopped to look at him. The way he explained that incident made her breath hiss and the look in his eyes…She decided to deviate from the subject, “You know, to do good CPR, you have to be on the beat of the Macarena.”

Jamie looked surprised but chuckled, “Is that so doctor?”

“Yes, it’s actually the right tempo. Or at least that’s what experts say.” She chuckled in turn. It was a random thing to say but it was true.

“You place your hands right here,” Facing him, Claire put her hands on his chest and looked into his eyes. She could feel how toned and muscular he was and she remembered the feeling of his body pressed against her. She would have given anything to touch his skin one last time. To hear the way he said her name when she brought him over the edge.

“I mean, you should be laying down but…then you push,” She pressed his chest slowly, feeling the fast beat of his heart under the layers of clothes and her delicate fingers.

“Is it the beat of the Macarena?” Jamie asked as he looked down at her hands on his chest.  

“It’s slightly slower because you don’t really need assistance just now and before you ask, no. I won’t sing it for you.”

“Oh, come on!” Jamie pouted disappointed and Claire removed her hands.

“Medicinal minute with Beauchamp is over,” She grinned, starting to walk again. “Please continue your story.”

“Well when ye received the letter of admission…ye kept it from me for a wee bit because ye didn’t want to go and leave me behind. Wi’ my dad being so sick, I couldn’t really follow ye and I had to forget about my own time at university to help wi’ the business. But I made ye go, no matter if it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, I could not step between ye and yer destiny.”

“Why are you so sure this was my destiny? I could be a doctor anywhere.” She said softly – afraid to hurt herself too much with the truth of her words.

“Aye, ye could have studied here but Harvard was yer dream. Ye deserve to go there. I saw how hard yer worked for it…I would have never forgiven myself if I had selfishly kept ye here.”

Nodding, Claire took his arm as they were walking.

“Your father would be really proud of what you did with his business.”

“Aye, I hope,” Jamie smiled warmly, squeezing her arm. “I ken he never wanted grand things but he worked so hard on this whisky, I had to do something more than simply sell it in wee stores around the Highlands.”

“Brian,” Claire said with affection. The image of Jamie’s father was coming back to her. A Highlander with jet black hair and the kindest eyes. A man who had lost his wife at a young age and took care of his children as best as he could until he got sick in turn.  

“Aye, he loved ye very much so,” Jamie recalled fondly, his eyes tearing up. Claire heard his voice shift and she didn’t look up as emotion took over her.

“And how’s your sister?” Claire cleared her throat, changing the subject. 

“Janet is verra well! Too many bairns but she manages alright,” He chuckled softly. “She opened the bed and breakfast and everything is doing great.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” She said truthfully before silence settled between them as they walked through the city, arms linked. 

As much as she had tried to remember, Claire had no idea why she didn’t come back to Edinburgh once she graduated from medical school. They had parted as lovers and on good terms. And yet, she had lived her life in Boston with a broken heart, never to return to Jamie again. Claire received Christmas cards and the occasional polite phone call from her former sister in law, that much she knew. She was also aware they had been close when she was dating Jamie but something in the pit of her stomach told her there was more to the story.

> _Like every Sunday, Jamie and Claire had driven down to the house to spend the day with Brian and Jenny.  It was always a breath of fresh air to come here after a long week and before starting a new one. No matter how his illness was evolving, Brian Fraser was always pleased to see his son and his daughter in law. And Claire reciprocated in kind. With Jamie, she had decided she would go to Harvard but she didn’t want to talk about it, yet._
> 
> _“Jamie told me about yer Harvard letter,” Jenny said out of the blue as the two young women were standing in the kitchen at Lallybroch._
> 
> _“Congrats,” She added through gritted teeth._
> 
> _Claire froze as she was peeling some potatoes and looked at Jenny, “Uh, yes I did. Thank you.”_
> 
> _“Do you ken how much ye’re hurting my brother by leaving? I get ye are doin’ it for yer own selfish reasons but ye canna ignore the fact ye’re about to rip off Jamie’s heart and stomp all over it.” Jenny’s words were full of venom._
> 
> _“Excuse me?” Claire couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was the first time Jenny was so cold and spiteful towards her. “Do you think I’m not conflicted about it? Because you’re sorely mistaken. Jamie and I talked about it, more than you know. And I would not be leaving without his approval.”_
> 
> _“Well obviously he’s no’ going to tell ye to stay, ye ken that. He’s no’ selfish and he loves ye more than anythin’, he just wants to see ye happy.”_
> 
> _“Jenny, I appreciate your concerns for your brother, truly. But this is none of your business.”_
> 
> _“I’m sorry to say but it is, Claire. When ye will leave, I will stay behind and pick up the pieces of Jamie ye will leave scattered on the floor.”_
> 
> _“Jamie would follow me if he didn’t have to stay here.”_
> 
> _“Och so now ‘tis my father’s fault for being sick?” Jenny’s eyebrows rose in anger and she came closer to Claire. She wasn’t as tall as Jamie but she had the same expression when he was mad._
> 
> _“I did not say that! Do you think I’m happy that your father is sick? Or that Jamie can’t come with me to Boston? What I’m doing with my life has nothing to do with you, Jenny.”_
> 
> _“Leave him but leave him for good.” The scot said calmly._
> 
> _“What?” Claire frowned, looking at Jenny – whose face had all of a sudden soften._
> 
> _“Ye heard me. Ye are about to break his heart, dinna make it worse by promising to come back when ye ken as much as I do that, in a couple of years, ye will both move on wi’ yer lives.”_
> 
> _“How can you say that? You know how much I love Jamie.”_
> 
> _“Aye, ye’re right. But you are both verra young and people change. Ye will change, Jamie will too and this will become a far away memory that ye will forever cherish. What I’m asking ye, Claire, is that if ye love my brother as much as ye say ye do, ye have to let him go. Completely.”_
> 
> _“I can’t do that,” She whispered, a tear escaping her eye._
> 
> _“Then ye dinna love him as much as ye say.” With those words, Jenny walked out of the kitchen and left Claire alone with her thoughts. Before that moment, she had known she would come back. Come back to her life and to Jamie, as soon as her studies will be over.  
>   
>  What if Jenny was right? Jamie was hers – and he would forever be. But she couldn’t selfishly be making him hang on for all these years. By the time she would be done at Harvard, they would be different people…what if he met someone while she was gone?_

Jenny had been wrong…or at least about one thing. Jamie had moved on, yes, but Claire never did. That day in the kitchen, she had been naive and the consequences led her to live a life trying to fill the void she had in her chest since moving to Boston with the knowledge she had to let Jamie go.

_She was tired to fight it._

“Claire? Did ye listen when I talk?” Jamie asked her amused. His words brought her out of thoughts. “Ye daydreamin’ didn’t change one bit.”   
  
Claire stopped walking and looked at him – as if she had seen a ghost.

“Are ye alright?” He stopped in turn, frowning.

Something came over her. It was a wave of regrets and sorrows all at once, brought by the fresh memory of that Sunday years ago at Lallybroch. But instead of letting herself drown in it, she pulled her head above the water and took a deep breath.

She didn’t answer Jamie. She simply cupped his cheeks in her palms  _(minding her cast not to hurt him in the process_ ) and brought his face closer to hers, kissing him. His lips were warm against hers – erasing the crisp air around them. He had been surprised at first, but she felt him relax as the kiss deepened and his arms wrapped around her waist.

No matter what came before and what would come after this kiss. Right now, nothing existed beyond this moment, their lips sealed and their hearts linked.

Chaos would most likely follow…but she did not care. 


	11. The Sinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m finally bringing you the Jamie’s POV chapter I promised (at least most of it is), I hope it answers some questions! Enjoy <3

Jamie had dreamt of her just like this: asleep, wild brown curls scattered on his chest and body pressed against his – still warm from their lovemaking. She was the first woman of creation. Lover, friend, angel, devil. A forbidden fruit too exquisite not to taste and devour. Claire was the earth and the home, his home. One he had to forget for a while, or at least try to.

He had spent twenty years holding his head barely above water not to drown in his own sorrow. But the moment Claire had walked in the room at the reunion one month ago, Jamie had taken his first real breath since her departure for Harvard.

After that, everything had been disorder again.

He remembered everything. From walking into the café to Claire asking him to come into her hotel room. Jamie had decided to follow her, leaving his wedding band on the table near the door. Not once during their time spent together in that room, had he thought about his wife.

He remembered how his heart broke a second time when he left the hotel to go back home to Mary. He had wanted to ask Claire to stay (beg her, even), he wanted to tell her how much he had missed her and himself when he was with her. But he did not. Instead, he let her fly back to Boston, like a coward, too afraid to speak up.

The weeks that had followed were exhausting. When he was not trying to pretend in front of Mary that everything was fine, he was thinking about Claire. And when he found solace in sleep, she would inhabit his dreams. He had thought about calling her. He had dialed her number a couple of times to always lock his phone and shove it back in his pocket after long minutes of staring at the call button.

He had written texts he never sent. Some were short, some were long…all said the same thing: “I love you. I miss you. Why did I let you go, again?”

Jamie had thought about leaving everything behind to fly to Boston and see Claire. As a reckless eighteen-year-old, he would have done it. But now, he was married, he had a company to run and no matter what had happened at the hotel, he couldn’t assume Claire would want him back in her life.

Then she showed up at Lallybroch.

First, panic had crept in as they were both lying on the floor and his eyes rested on her beautiful face. Claire was the last person he thought he would see, even less back at his childhood home – a place they had shared memories in together. Mary was somewhere in the house and he had no idea how he would explain his ex’s sudden reappearance. It turned out, his wife kept her mouth shut and acted like a graceful hostess at the news.

Until the party.

At the party and after seeing her husband in the arms of another woman, Mary had snapped for the first time since they first started dating. And Jamie had felt awful about it. Not because he loved her more than he loved Claire but because in retrospect, he realized he had been lying to Mary since the beginning of their relationship. It had been unconscious, of course, but a lie nonetheless. No one but Claire could take residence in his heart, Jamie had known it all along.

_“How much more do ye think I will keep shuttin’ my mouth about ye and Claire? Don’t ye think ‘tis enough for me to have to lay my eyes on her initials tattooed on yer chest each time ye undress? Now I have to watch ye two dance as if ye’re both seventeen again?”_

_“I’m sorry,” Jamie lied softly, looking at his wife. He truly wanted to feel regrets about what had happened at the hotel with Claire weeks ago but as much as he tried, he couldn’t. And now, seeing her back at Lallybroch, his head was spinning because he knew it was her rightful place._

_“‘Tis no’ the fact that ye dance wi’ another woman, Jamie, ye never gave me a reason not to trust ye but… the way ye look at her…” Her voice cracked. “Would ye be happy if I looked at another man like that, eh?”_

_Jamie stayed silent. He never loved Mary the way he had loved (still love) Claire, but he had made a promise before God – a promise he had already broken, once. And the good man he was couldn’t stop thinking about it. He didn’t know if he was haunted by guilt or simply by Claire._

_“She’s leavin’ tomorrow.” He finally said. “And I doubt she’ll be back after that. She has a life in Boston, Mary – no’ here. She didn’t come for me if that’s what ye believe.” His own words were like sharp needles stinging his heart as he spoke them._

_“I dinna care what she came here for. Aye, she’s had an accident, I’m sorry for her but I willna stand by while she tries to steal my husband,” Mary answered firmly._

_“For God’s sake, Mary!” His tone startled her, and himself too._

_“She dinna came here to steal anything,” Even if she was here for him, Claire wouldn’t steal. He was hers no matter what. He just doubted that was the purpose of her visit to Lallybroch._

_“Stay hidden here if ye wanna but I canna leave the party because of yer jealous fit and I willna throw Claire out. No matter the fact she is my ex, she is my friend –”_

_“And I am yer wife!” She spat out, looking at him._

_Mary was not the type of women who ever got angry. She was the opposite of Claire – never expressing her feelings (might they be good or bad) and even less confronting anyone about anything. She always said sorry and thank you, while Claire would tell you to fuck off if needed. Mary was a calm presence, always a reassuring smile and a polite response – she was the safer option, the one he knew would never break his heart._

_Claire, on the other hand, was passionate and fierce. That’s how she lived and how she loved. Never apologizing for the woman she was._

_“Aye, ye are my wife. Ye’re no’ the one I wanted but ye’re the one I got.”_

_The words escaped his mouth quicker than he had realized and he carefully watched Mary’s swallow whatever she was about to say. She stayed silent for what seemed like a very long time – simply staring at him. Claire had a glass face, Mary did not._

_And then she spoke._

_“Now that Claire Beauchamp is back ye realize we are no’ the same woman? ‘Tis a wee bit late, James Fraser. She left ye once, never to return again – why do ye think it would be different this time? Jenny told me about her, about how she left ye to pursue a career and didn’t look back” Mary watched him carefully and he was thankful for his ability to keep his face unreadable._

_“Mary…” She could have stabbed him with a knife, it would hurt less than her words._

_“We’re no’ a perfect couple,” She continued, ignoring the pleading in his voice for her to stop._

_“No one is. We have our issues but we are a good team and ye ken it. And we are happy. Claire is yer past, Jamie. Dinna let it come back to haunt ye or to ruin a good thing we have.”_

_Jamie knew he could have told her all about his time with Claire at the hotel on the spot. He probably should have but he didn’t say one word about it. Be damned or not, it was the last thing he could hold onto that was only his and Claire to share. Mary would never know – and what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her._

_Jamie looked at his wife then, “I really have to go back to the party downstairs, Mary. Ye dinna have to come wi’ me but I canna leave the guests, some of these people are investors in the company.”_

_“I ken and I’m comin’ wi’ ye,” She touched his cheek, smiling softly. “I dinna want ye to think I dinna trust ye, Jamie. I’m just afraid yer goin’ to make a mistake is all. I ken what she was to ye but I canna let you go back to the past to shatter yer future – ”_

_“Our future…” Mary wrapped her arms around him and held him close. He rested his chin on her shoulder and stared blankly at the wall, his arms wrapping around his wife as an automatism more than a seek of comfort. He had lived twenty years without his heart, he could as well keep doing it._

Except, two days after this conversation, his heart was having breakfast in his favourite little café on the Royal Mile. He saw her as he was on his way to the office. She was sitting at the table by the window (their table) and attentively reading the newspaper. She was just there, existing in the enormity of the universe that seemed all of a sudden so small around them. She was unaware of him watching her and that her simple sight was enough to make him smile.

That’s the moment he decided, no matter what, he couldn’t (and wouldn’t) walk away this time.

Unannounced, unexpected. It seemed to be a recurring theme when it came to Claire. Each time Jamie had laid eyes on her (might it be the first time, at the reunion, or then at his home in the Highlands), it was as if she was an angel fallen from the sky to rescue him. And each time, for a split second, everything was alright in the world – and in his heart.

Walking into the café that morning had been the best decision he had made in a long time. Now, with Claire asleep in his arms, he could hear his heart beat again after all this time. Jamie didn’t think about the outside world – he would have enough time to do it later. What was important to him, was that Claire had kissed him, out of the blue – and that kiss had let to this instant of pure bliss.

_“Are ye alright?” He stopped in turn, frowning. He didn’t understand why she stopped all of a sudden and went as pale as if she had seen a ghost._

_He wasn’t sure if she had answered before her lips crashed on his but at that moment, he didn’t think he’d care. Claire sought him and he gave in. After all, he always did and always would give in._

_They kissed thoroughly in the street for a long time, unaware of the outside world around them. It wasn’t until they both needed to pull apart from some air that Jamie realized he wasn’t actually imagining it all._

_“We need to talk,” Claire said breathless, smiling against his lips._

_“Aye, we do,” His thumb lightly stroked her bottom lip – fighting the urge to bite it._

_“We could go to the hotel,” She proposed, attentively looking his face for his reaction. It was not something he had expected to hear from her._

_“I would have said_ Geillis _’ apartment but it wouldn’t be very private…”_

_“To talk?” His brows flicked up. He would never assume anything of Claire and even less ask her to give him something she wouldn’t._

_“Well, yes…” She looked at him, “Among other things.” She added, her eyes seeking the slightest indication he wanted it as much as she did._

_“Well, I aim to please, Sassenach.” Jamie brought her hand to his lips before they started walking towards a hotel. They were both silent the whole way there and up to the room they had been given. It was the same hotel Claire had stayed at a few weeks ago, before her accident. The same place where they had discovered a twenty years gap had not erased their bond._

_The elevator ride was also silent as other people were inside with them. To Jamie, the few seconds it took to reach the third floor seemed like an eternity. Finally, the doors opened and they walked to the room. The air around them had dissipated and Jamie swore his heart was about to erupt out of his chest as he was struggling to unlock the door._

_“Are you alright, there?” Grinning, Claire took the card from his hand – sending an electric shock through his body as she touched his skin._

_“Aye, just those wee cards never seem to work,” He chuckled softly, watching her._

_“That’s true, bloody things,” She tried a few times before the card unlocked the door and she grinned proudly, “Done.”_

_They froze as their eyes locked, both realizing what they were about to do. Again._

_“Do ye still want me to come in, Claire? Because I willna do somethin’ ye dinna want…somethin’_ ye’ll _regret,” Jamie asked softly, a tight knot in his stomach. He was aware of how close her body was to his and how her expression shifted as he spoke._

_“I want you to come in…” She whispered, her lips almost touching his,” And I want you to stay. Forever.”_

_“Forever is a long time, mo_ nighean donn _.” On paper, Jamie was a married man. In reality, he was a sinner. At the mercy of Claire and whatever she wanted to do. He knew her disobedience always let to something wonderfully breathtaking._

_“But forever is all I want to give ye,” It was the last thing he said as their lips touched, overlapping as he captured her bottom lip between his own._

_They clumsily made their way inside the room, kissing hungrily. Once the door tightly shut, Jamie pressed her softly against it and his body against hers, removing her scarf before his mouth attacked the delicate skin of her neck._

_“Jamie…” She rasped, tilting her head to give him more access. She had tossed her coat away and his along with it. Each time his name escaped her mouth, it sounded different. Sometimes he could hear some pleading, other times lust and then love. Simply and unconditionally._

_“I want to feel alive with you, right now.” She mumbled as they kissed passionately and Jamie undressed her quickly._

_In a matter of seconds, Claire was naked, laying on the bed. Jamie on top of her in a similar state. She was smiling, the mischievous glint he loved so much floating in her_ whisky _eyes. She was biting her lower lip in anticipation and he was sure he could never tire of the sight._

_Jamie’s mouth traced kissed down her neck down to her breast, his tongue tracing her porcelain skin. He felt the goosebumps his touch left on her it and the way Claire was arching her back seeking for more drove him mad with desire. He could have spent hours worshipping her body that way._

_“I want you inside of me,” Claire looked down into his eyes, opening her legs to give him more access. Her voice was low and warm, almost pleading him even if she knew he would never refuse her anything. In one swift movement, Jamie was inside of her._

_At first, he didn’t move. Too overwhelmed. He would never be able to describe what being inside of Claire was like. Each time, he had felt like the virgin he had been the first time they had laid together. She made him feel like the most innocent lad as well as the most powerful man all at once._

_Then, he started to move. Slowly, at first. His senses clogged by the essence of her. His Claire. He needed to possess her and be possessed by her at the same time, and he knew it was the same for her._

_“Give me yer mouth, Sassenach,” He said softly, bending his head to kiss her. Jamie started to thrust faster as Claire sought him even more._

_For a time, their bodies danced slowly together. Joined as one. A dance on top of a dangerously high cliff. A cliff they both let themselves fall from, flooded by pleasure brought to one another completely and selflessly._

******

When Claire stirred slowly, she had no idea what time or day it was. All she was aware of was the delightful ache between her legs, indicating that what had happened earlier had not been a dream. She felt Jamie’s finger lightly drawing patterns on her bare back and sending shivers through her body.

Looking up, she saw two big blue eyes looking at her with a mixture of awe and fright. Jamie’s mouth curled up into a smile as she placed a kiss on his bare chest.

“How long have you been watching me?” She asked softly, leaning up.

“A wee bit,” he admitted, smiling. His fingers stroking her wild mass of curls. She knew she must look like a complete nutcase but it wouldn’t be the first time he saw her like this.

Before she could answer, his warm lips found hers, interrupting any coherent thought she might have and she melted into him.

“Ye are sae beautiful, I canna help myself,” Jamie smiled tenderly, stroking her cheek with the base of his thumb.

Blushing, Claire hid her face in the crook of his neck. Jamie had a way to say things, that even after all those years of knowing him, had the power to catch her off guard completely. “You need glasses,” she mumbled against his skin.

“I can assure ye that wi’ or wi’out glasses, my eyes will never stop lookin’ at ye as if ye are the most beautiful thing in this world, Claire. Because that’s what ye are.”

“Damn, you are a smooth talker, Fraser,” Smiling, her index finger ran over his bottom lip.

“Och, well…Ye got me here to talk, after all, did ye no?” He grinned, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Among other things,” She chuckled softly, placing a kiss on his chest. Making love to Jamie had been the most awakening experience since her accident. Every touch, every kiss, every sensation was familiar. Her mind might not remember, it turned out the body had a memory of its own.

Silence fell between them as Claire closed her eyes and enjoyed his arms tightly holding her safe. At that moment, she realized home was not a place, home was a person and to her it was Jamie. She had been deprived of him for the last twenty years, she refused to keep going.

“I love you,” She said softly – barely a whisper. She felt his body shiver and she looked up to find Jamie with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” She muttered, sitting up, panic creeping in on her quickly. She was mentally cursing herself for saying such a thing to him when they had not even talked properly.

“Sorry?” Jamie frowned, sitting up slightly, “Christ, Claire…Do ye keen how long I’ve been waiting to hear ye say that again? Do ye keen what I would have done to hear it one last time?”

“Well,” She looked at him, her mouth curling up into a smile, “I do love you. I might not remember much but I’m sure of that, at least.”

“And I love ye,” Jamie held her close, whispering: “I never stopped. I’m sorry I let ye go back to Boston after the reunion – ”

“I’m sorry I left. Not only after the reunion but also all those years ago,” Claire said softly, taking his hand.

“Dinna apologize for that, aye? Ye dinna left me, I made ye go,” Jamie brought her hand to his lip.

“The first thing ye told me was that yer dream was to study at Harvard and to become a doctor. I couldn’t take that away from ye, even if it meant I had to rip out my heart and live wi’out it for the rest of my life,” The emotions in his voice overwhelmed her. This man was everything she had wanted and now he was in her arms again.

“Ye were born to heal, Claire,” Jamie rested his forehead against hers.

“No,” She whispered against his lips, rubbing her nose to his, “I was born for you.”

Jamie smiled warmly, a tear escaping his eye. His arms wrapped tighter around her as he held her close against him.

“I remember why I did not come back once I graduated,” She looked up at him, noting the frown forming on his face.

“I didn’t come back because your sister told me not to,“ she let the words sink in before she continued.

“Jenny?” Jamie sat up a little bit, his frown deepening.

“When we were at Lallybroch, some weeks before I had to go, she told me if I truly did love you as much as I said I did, I should let you be happy…so that’s what I did,” Looking down at her hands, Claire couldn’t help the mixture of guilt and anger she was feeling. She had been a naive eighteen years old and she had believed Jenny.

“No, I wasn’t happy, Claire. Aye, it took me fifteen years to be able to finally allow myself to feel again, or at least to try to.” Jamie said firmly, lifting her chin to look into her whisky eyes. “I have lived twenty years wi’out my heart. And the last five in a lie. I canna keep doing it, it wouldn’t be fair to myself and even less to Mary.”

Claire stayed silent as he kept talking.

“I have no’ put my ring back on since the day after the reunion because I dinna belong to Mary and I never will. I realize now that even if ye dinna want me, I’d rather be alone. For so many years, for so long, I have been so many things, so many different men. But here in the dark, with you… I have no name. I just exist and ‘tis something I haven’t done in a verra long time.”

“Back then…I loved you too much to love you properly. I thought your sister was right. That if I loved you as much as I said I did, I couldn’t ask you to wait for me and that I should have let you move on. But I’m not eighteen anymore. I never moved on from you and I never will…You and I, we’re cut from the same cloth.”

“Aye, we are mo nighean donn,” Jamie held her closer. “Two fragments of the same soul in two bodies.”

“I don’t want to go back to Boston. Since I arrived, I felt happy. Simply happy and my memory might not be working very well right now, I can assure you I have not been feeling like this in a long time,” She looked at him – her voice almost breaking with emotions.

“I want us to make a home here…together,” She cupped his cheek, “If you will have me?”

“If I’ll have ye?” Jamie couldn’t help but smile.

Jamie stroked her tear away with the base of his thumb as she drowned in his deep blue eyes. “I dinna care what other people think and I will need to have more than a word wi’ my sister but I’ll have ye anyway I can, mo nighean donn.”

“Well, I’m yours,” She whispered against his lips.

“Then kiss me, Claire,” He licked his lips, smiling “And know that you are more to me than life, and I have no regret.”


	12. The Next Step

Those few hours spent together at the hotel had been bliss –  _simply and purely._ But they seemed to have faded faster than Jamie and Claire had expected and It would soon be time to go back to reality. 

For Claire, it meant going back to Geillis’ apartment and try to deal with her failing memory. 

For Jamie, it was finally facing his wife and inform her he wanted a divorce.

They were both very aware of the storm awaiting them as soon as they would set foot outside of this place but they were ready to face it,  _together_. From now on, they never wanted to be apart again and they knew they would not be. No matter what would happen.

“Lean yer head back a wee bit please, Sassenach,” Jamie grinned, squeezing some shampoo into his palm. They had reluctantly moved from the bed to relocate in the bathroom for a much needed shower.

Smirking, Claire did as she was told while holding her arm in the air not to wet her cast. The mixture of warmth from the water and Jamie’s body made her forget the chilly air from outside, “It’s very romantic of you to wash my hair.”

“Och, I dinna want ye to ruin yer wee cast,  _mo nighean donn_ ,” Jamie shampooed her hair with more concentration than it required.

“You keep calling me that, what does it mean?” Claire asked, eyes closed. She was very much enjoying the scalp massage he was giving her.

“My brown-haired lass,” The Scot whispered in her ear, sending a delightful shiver through her body.

“I used to call ye like that all the time when we were datin’” He kissed her shoulder.

“Rather dull colour brown, I always thought,” She shrugged with a smile. Her arm was starting to ache from being held up but she didn’t mind. It was the last moments she could enjoy being with him alone for a little while.

“No, not dull at all,” Jamie rinsed her mass of curls, running his fingers carefully through her hair to detangle them.

“‘Tis like the water in a burn, the way it ruffles down the rocks. Dark in the wavy spots with wee bits of auburn when the sun touches it.” As he talked in a low voice, Jamie proceeded to rinse her body with the same delicate attention while watching the water cascade over her perfect curves.

“I’m sorry I didn’t remember,” Claire turned around to look at him, her mouth curling up into a sad smile.

“Dinna be sorry for that,” Jamie hooked the shower head up its hook and wrapped his arms around her, careful not to get water on her cast.

“What ye dinna remember, I’ll be there to remind ye. Every day if needed, I dinna mind,” He smiled, stroking her cheek with his thumb, “Memories might be lost, I ken we will make new ones,  _mo ghraidh._.. Together.”

“Yes, together,” Smiling, she sealed their lips, feeling his arms tightening around her.

“I like your hair too. The colour so vivid like a fire it makes me want to run my fingers through the curls and pull tightly,” She rasped, looking at him with a mischievous smirk.  

“Aye, I’ve noticed ye like to do that,” His whisper was lost as their lips met again. Slowly but hungrily. 

“Let’s get out of here before we get all wrinkly, aye?” He mumbled, reluctantly pulling away from her.

She looked at him with a pout. 

“Come, _a nighean_ ,” Patting her bump, Jamie turned off the water before stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his body.

“You will not like my ass when I’ll be old and all wrinkly?” Claire smirked, looking at him.

“Of course I would! Masterpieces only get better wi’ time,” His statement made Claire burst into a laugh.

“I just dinna want ye to get a cold,” He offered her his hand, his eyes making a quick motion that tried to resemble a wink. 

Taking his hand, Claire stepped out of the shower careful not to slip. Before she could say a word, Jamie had wrapped her into a warm towel and lifted her up to carry her back into the bedroom.

“Jamie, I’m going to get used to being carried around everywhere,” She chuckled, kissing his cheek.

“Aye, ye can get used to it, I dinna mind doing it,” Putting her down, he smiled. 

Jamie unwrapped the towel, as if she was some delicate present, and slowly started to dry the droplets of water all over her body. From her shoulder, down her arms, her breasts…His hands worked gently and delicately, sending Claire into a frenzy she never wanted to recover from.

Deep blue eyes turned dark with lust pierced through hers and his mouth curling up into a smirk at the realization of the effect of what he was doing to her. Dropping the towel, Jamie started to kiss the porcelain skin of her neck to make his way down to her navel. He stopped on one of her breasts, tongue flicking and licking her nipple while his hand massaged the other.

“ _James_ …” Claire murmured, running her fingers through his damp copper hair. Whatever he was doing to her was working, it also didn’t help that her breasts were unusually sensitive. But Claire didn’t want him to stop, she might as well not act like it.

“Och, ‘tis James now?” he whispered against her prickled skin before his mouth started to trail kissed down her stomach and his hands fondled her firm arse.

Claire’s breath hissed as Jamie started to kiss her most sensitive spot. She couldn’t help but pull at his curls as a bolt of electricity travelled through her entire body. She felt him smile wickedly against her before his tongue started its labour of worship.

Looking down, Claire’s vision blurred with lust at the sight of Jamie’s head between her legs, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Good God,” She groaned while Jamie held her legs in place – something she was thankful for as her knees were about to give in.  

Her orgasm was quickly building inside her body. With each tongue flick and nibble, Claire felt herself closer and closer to the edge and Jamie knew it. Not only by the sound she made but also because he seemed to know exactly the way her body responded to him. And how to drive her crazy. He mastered every inch of her skin, of her being as if it had been moulded especially for him. 

“Don’t stop!” She managed to say muffled in a moan. It wasn’t a pleading nor question. It was an order.

He wanted to worship her. He lived for it. So Jamie didn’t stop.  

Grabbing his hand resting on her breast, Claire brought it up to her mouth, starting to suck on his index finger slowly. Hearing his own moan, she couldn’t help but smile at the idea that maybe  _(just maybe)_ she was driving him crazy a little bit, too.

Claire’s breath hissed, feeling a burning rush inhabiting her body as her orgasm crept on. She was close. So close, Jamie knew it.

Soon enough, Claire’s body shook in release – climax taking over as Jamie brought her over the edge of pleasure. Panting, cheeks crimson and breath short, she looked down at him. He was staring up at her with a broad grin on his gorgeous face.

Jamie trailed kissed up her body as he got up and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Damn it, I’m just…” She trailed off, face flushed, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I always take great pride in lettin’ Claire Beauchamp speechless. It will never get old,” Grinning, Jamie sealed their lips as he pressed her against him.

“How exactly am I supposed to get out of this room?” She looked at him with raised eyebrows, making him chuckle.

“If it was for me, I would keep ye here wi’ me forever…The last thing I want is to get out,” Jamie nuzzled his neck, holding her close. The idea of staying here with him for the rest of time was tempting but they couldn’t.

_At least not yet._

“I should maybe keep this room since Mary will most likely throw me out the house,” Jamie said half amused. It broke Claire’s heart to be the other woman but she had crossed that boundary more than once now, and she wasn’t going to turn around to run the other way.  _Not again._   

Jamie had always been hers and she was his, there was nothing they could do about it, even if they tried… Maybe she wasn’t the other woman after all.

“You can come to Geillis’ apartment…I’m sure she won’t mind,” She suggested, stroking his toned arm.

“I will talk to Mary as soon as I get home and I’ll call ye, okay? Then we can figure it all out,” Smiling, Jamie looked at her and kissed her palm.

Nodding, Claire returned the smile as best as she could. The few hours spent together had been perfect but it wasn’t their reality, “Right…We should get dressed.”

“Aye,” Jamie placed a kiss on her forehead before she gathered her clothes scattered all around the room. She was aware of his eyes on her while she got dressed but tried to ignore him.

“Claire?” Jamie frowned, zipping up his jeans.

“What is it,  _mo nighean donn_? I can hear ye wee mind from here,” He walked over to her.

“It’s just…”She looked at him and let out a sigh. He could read it all in her eyes but Jamie let her talk. 

“Once we’ll be out of this room, shit is going to hit the fan and I don’t think I’m ready for that…I am not a homewrecker, I never intended to break up your marriage and I feel awful about it. Yet, on the other side, to be with you just feels right. It’s like I can breathe again…” Claire looked at his chest and delicately stroked the  _C_  inked on his chest, matching her own  _J_  tattoo.

“Claire,” Jamie took her hand and brought it to his lips.

“‘Tis situation is no’ ideal but ‘tis not your fault. I am the married one here and I will own up to my mistake in front of Mary but I refuse for ye to beat yerself over what we have done. Aye, it might be wrong towards God and I will own it before him when the time comes. I’m a sinner when it comes to ye, Claire but all those years wi’out ye, I would have done far more than lying to see ye again.” 

Resting his forehead against her, his hand cupped her cheek, “I canna tell ye how much I have missed ye. How much the simple sight of ye makes me happy,” Jamie closed his eyes for a split second, as if to remember. 

Opening his eyes again, they were shiny with unshed tears, “Ye were always near me, in spirit, watchin’ over me, protectin’ me. I saw ye so many times. Ye came to me so often. Whenever I needed ye I would see ye, smiling. Yer hair curled around yer face…but ye never touched me.”

“I can touch you now,” She spoke tenderly, lightly stroking his jawline with her index finger.  

“Aye…” Jamie whispered against her lips, “And I dinna want ye to ever stop. I dinna care what people say or what they think. I canna guarantee ye it will be easy but as long as we are together, we will be fine.”

Nodding, Claire buried her face into the crook of his neck and closed her eyes. His warmth was overwhelming. As much as the love he had for her.

“Ye are the love of my life, Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp,” Jamie whispered with a smile, holding her close.  _Safe_. 

“How did you know? That you loved me?” Claire looked up at him with a smile. The truth in his words disarmed her completely.  “All those years ago, I mean?”

“I just saw ye and I was sure of it,” He kissed the tip of her nose, “As a lad, I asked my Da how I would know when I would ken who would be the right woman, he told me when the time came, I’d have no doubt. And I didn’t.”

Claire held him tightly and closed her eyes for a moment. The feeling of peace his arms brought her was everything she needed and longed for during so many years. She was persuaded nothing bad could happen as long as he held her. He was her home.

“Nobody signed yer cast?” Jamie asked out of the blue, sounding shocked.

“What?” She chuckled, looking at him.  

“Yer cast is bare, ‘tis unacceptable, Sassenach,” He sealed their lips before going in search of some pen, “I need to rectify it!” 

Claire watched him, amused before going to her bag,  “I have a sharpie in my bag if you really need to do that.”

“Och, aye, I really need to do that!”

“Here you go,” She walked over to him, handing the scot the sharpie in question.

Grinning, Jamie took it and wrote on her cast. He then looked at her proudly, “Now ‘tis much better.”

Claire looked at her cast, smiling, “Thank you, darling.”

“Ye are verra welcome,  _mo nighean donn_ ,” Jamie pulled her closer and sealed their lips.

**********

After parting reluctantly with Jamie, Claire slowly walked back to Geillis’ apartment, her mind racing a mile a minute. Falling back into Jamie’s arms did nothing to soothe it, quite the contrary. He was hers and she was his, there were no doubts about it. Yet, she was very aware of the fact they were far from being in peace.

She couldn’t stop thinking about what Jamie was going to tell Mary and how she would react. She was both relieved and conflicted at once. Plus, the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn’t helping.

As Claire opened the door to the apartment, her eyes stopped on her cast for a second and what Jamie had written on it. She couldn’t help but smile, the pit of her stomach tickled with a teenage giddiness she had not experienced in a long time.

_CEBF + JAMMF_

No matter what, from now on they would be together and that was all that mattered to her, anyway. External forces wouldn’t pull them apart, again.

“There ye are!” Geillis grinned, looking up from her book. She was laying on the sofa, nose deep in some medical journal. “I saw yer wee note this morning but I was getting worried.”

“Well it’s only late afternoon, I wasn’t gone for that long,” Claire smiled, removing her coat and scarf. “What are you reading?”

“Some research on the latest innovation in heart transplant, nothing I didn’t ken already,” The scot put her readings away and looked at Claire with a smirk.

“Wot?” Claire asked on her way to the kitchen to make herself a tea.

Geillis got up and quickly followed, “Well? How was your day? What did you do?”

“My day was really good, thanks for asking,” Claire answered as she prepared her beverage, “I had breakfast near the Royal Mile, then I walked around the city and reminisced.”

“Ye’ve got something on yer forehead,” Geillis leaned closer.

“What?” Claire touched her forehead, frowning.

“It says  _‘I had sex’_  right there,” The redhead pointed to Claire’s face.

Claire blinked. She was going to tell Geillis everything but she didn’t expect her friend to find out so soon. Though, she wasn’t surprised. Geillis was not only one of the best doctor around, she knew human behaviour better than anyone else and she was human post-sex detector.

“Christ, how on earth do you know these things?” Claire threw her hands in the air in exasperation. 

“I didn’t but now I do.” The redhead nudged her, chuckling.

“Although, your freshly washed hair, the glow on yer face and the wee note on yer cast gave ye away rather quickly,” Geillis smirked, grabbing two mugs before pouring piping hot water in them, as well as some tea bags and sugar.

“Ye’re too obvious, Claire Beauchamp and I love ye for it! Now come drink yer tea and spill me some, too.” Geillis got the mugs and went back to the living room, closely followed by Claire.

“So, I reckon ye saw Jamie again?” Geillis asked, putting both mugs on the coffee table before sitting down.

“No, I got a random man on Princes street and brought him to a nearby hotel to have sex with me. I was rather stressed and I have to admit, it helped me relax,” Claire couldn’t help but smirk as she sat down on the velvet sofa in turn.

Geillis burst into a laugh, “Ye are spendin’ way too much time wi’ me if that’s really what ye have done!”

“No, I’m not up to that point yet.”

“Okay so ye saw Jamie and then both of ye ended up in bed. What happened in between?! I thought after Lallybroch ye dinna want to see him again. Not that I can blame ye after seein’ that wanker go after his wife.” Geillis leaned back, rolling her eyes.

“Well…you’re right, I did not, I was quite hurt about that,” Claire admitted softly.

She understood why Jamie had gone after Mary at the party and after the talked they had, she had no doubts left about the love he had for her and not for his ( _soon to be)_ ex-wife, “But it seems that the universe has a terrible sense of humour and keep putting him on my way.”

“Aye, ‘tis a recurring theme wi’ ye two,” Geillis smiled, sipping her tea carefully.

“Right…”Claire returned the smile.

“Puttin’ him on yer way is one thing but in yer bed ‘tis quite another,” Geillis grinned. “Keep going.”

“ I was having coffee on a little café near the Royal Mile and Jamie came in. We talked about what happened at the reunion, Lallybroch… How I have been feeling since the accident and then he asked me if I wanted him to be my guide around the city for the day.”

Geillis nodded, listening closely.

“We spent a good chunk of the morning just walking around town, together. Jamie telling everything I wanted to know about our youth and the various places we spent time at. I felt really…good. Happy just to be with him and talk as if this awkwardness between us didn’t exist and the more time went on, the more it disappeared. I just wanted to understand why I never came back to Scotland once I graduated.”

“And, did ye remember things about that? Ye never quite told me why ye dinna want to go back to Scotland and I never thought to ask, I dinna want ye to be sad.”

“Then we talked a bit about his family,”  Claire took a sip of tea before continuing.

“That’s when I remembered what happened with Jenny,” She said softly, a lump forming in her throat at the mention of Jamie’s sister.  Twenty wasted years with Jamie because of Jenn,  because Claire was too young and naive to stand up for herself and the man she loved more than anything.

She was tired to do that.

“Wait,” Geillis raised her eyebrow, sitting up slightly, “What happened with Jenny?”

“We were at Lallybroch for dinner, right before my move to Boston and she told me that if I truly loved Jamie, I should let him go…I shouldn’t come back from Boston and leave him be happy in peace,” She swallowed her own words, “I guess that’s what I did, after all.”

“I’m pure raging right now,” The scot threw her hands in the air and got up to pace the room. “Did you tell Jamie?!”

“Yes, I did but not right away,” Claire watched her, “Geillis please sit down, you’re making my head spin.”

“I ken Jenny was a bitch but Christ this is a whole other level! And then she sent ye Christmas cards? I’m pure raging!”

“Yes, you already said that,” Claire couldn’t help but smile. Geillis was like an older sister to her. Protective and loving, ready to snap at anyone who would come for her.

“Once I remembered, I just kissed Jamie. I had this rush of, I don’t know how to explain it, grief and regrets coming over me, I did not want to let him go again… Or at least I needed to know how he truly felt about me. One thing led to another and we ended up at the hotel.”

Geillis sat down again and didn’t say a word. Instead, she hugged Claire tightly and held her in silence for a moment.

“Are ye two quite finished chasing one another now? My heart can only take so much,” She looked at Claire, sighing.  

“Yes, we are…You were right about him not being over me.”

“Och, of course, I was,” She winked, kissing her cheek.

“Jamie went home to talk with Mary and he will call me once he’s done it…” Claire knew she wouldn’t stop worrying until he would finally tell her he was getting a divorce.

“I hope you don’t mind, I told him he could stay here with me for a while.”

“Of course not! ‘Tis yer home too, Claire,” Geillis smiled, “Plus ye two have waited long enough to be together, I’ll just go buy myself some earplugs.”

“Thank you,” Claire hugged her again, chuckling, “Not just for that but for everything you did for me some I remember and even what I don’t, Geil.”

“Ye’re stuck wi’ me until we’re old and grey, Beauchamp. Ye and me in a nursin’ home, drivin’ the nurses crazy and all.”

“Yes, we will,” Claire laughed.

“Talking about nurses, do you know when I can finally remove the cast? It’s been slightly over a month now and it’s driving me mad.”

Geillis thought for a second, “I think yer cast will be good to remove around the 24th. I’ll call the hospital for an appointment – ”

“Wait,” Claire interrupted her, a rush of panic taking over her body, “What day is it?”

“We’re the 17th, why?” Geillis frowned.

“Bloody hell…” Claire looked at her friend.

“What?” The redhead frowned.

“I didn’t get my periods.”


	13. The Waiting Game

Claire paced the apartment while waiting for Geillis to be back from the pharmacy with a pregnancy test. 

Alone, she felt sick and panicked, as the minutes dragged on and on with no sign of her friend. She knew her body, it was a perfectly timed clock. Every month, her periods were always on time without fail. 

Except once, she had been seventeen. Since then, she had been careful and disciplinary with birth control.

_“Claire…no matter what this test says, ye ken we can face it together, aye?” Jamie took her hand as they were both too afraid to look at the test on the table._

_“Jamie, we’re too young for this,” She said softly, reluctantly bringing her eyes to look at him. She loved this man, more than she had ever loved anyone and she wanted to carry his children one day but it was too soon._

_“Aye, I ken but I will stand by ye and we will find a solution. If ye are pregnant, I will support whatever decision ye will take.” Jamie wrapped an arm around her and held Claire tightly._

_Burying her face into the crook of his neck, Claire closed her eyes for a moment, “I can’t…” she croaked, swallowing back her tears, “I can’t have an abortion nor give this child up for adoption, Jamie. I could never do that.”_

_“I would support ye even if ye chose one of these two options, Claire. It’s yer body,” Jamie whispered, bringing her hand to his lips. “Let’s look at the test and then we’ll decide what to do if it’s positive, aye? Together.”_

_“Together,” Claire looked up at him before sealing their lips for a long moment._

_Jamie smiled softly, stroking her cheek with the base of his thumb, “Come on, let’s look.”_

_Nodding, Claire took a breath and finally looked at the test. As her eyes laid on the proof that it was indeed negative, a rush of relief took over her body. Yet, there was a little piece of her heart feeling sorrow._

_“False alarm,” She said out loud, looking at Jamie who seemed to share the mixture of relief and regret._

_“Aye,” Jamie kissed her temple, holding her closer, “False alarm.”_

Claire finally sat down on the sofa and let out a breath. Geillis must have left fifteen minutes ago, probably even less and Jamie had not yet called. Maybe what she had seen during her coma wasn’t a dream and simply some premonition of what was to come. She wouldn’t make up her mind until she would take the test but she knew her body and all signs pointed to a pregnancy.

“I’m back!” Geillis announced loudly as she walked through the front door. What was first relief to hear her friend’s voice quickly turned into anguish.

“They only had quite a bunch type at the pharmacy and since I dinna know how many ye wanted nor which one, I got them all,” Geillis emptied the bag on the coffee table in front of Claire who was blankly staring at its content scattered in front of her.

“Thank you,” Claire managed to say with a half an amused smile seeing the number of the table, “You didn’t need to get that much, Geil.”

“Better safe than sorry,” She smiled, “So did Jamie call while I was gone?”

“No, not yet,” Claire didn’t know if it was either a good thing or a bad one, not to have him here right now.  

“Alright, let’s give him some time. It’s not every day you tell your wife you want a divorce,” Geillis’ words were slightly reassuring to her, yet she tried to push the thought of Mary’s reaction away.

Picking up one of the tests, Claire got up, “Okay, I’ll get to that.”

“Aye,” Geillis stroked her arm, smiling, “I’ll wait for ye here in case Jamie calls.”

Claire nodded and disappeared into the hall to go to the bathroom, the knot in her stomach tightening with every step.

She had no idea of how long she stayed in the bathroom, it could have been minutes or hours. Her head was spinning uncontrollably while her heart beat faster and faster. Her eyes were glued onto the stick and the proof of her state on it.

_Two pink lines._

There was no mistaking it, she was a doctor after all. She knew how these things worked and most importantly, she knew her body.  _Sensitive breast, multiplied senses, no courses._.. These things meant one thing and one thing only: she was pregnant. 

The test only confirmed it.

“Claire?” Came from Geillis’ voice outside the door.

“Is everything alright? Ye’ve been in there for twenty minutes and I ken a test dinna take that long.”

Claire didn’t answer and simply took a long breath before getting up and opening the door. She looked at Geillis without a word.

“So?” The redhead leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed and eyebrow raised in question.

“I’m pregnant,” Claire said softly, still digesting the shock. Somehow saying it out loud gave it a whole new dimension. She was thrilled of course, but she was afraid of how Jamie would react.

Geillis made wide eyes as her mouth curled up into a broad grin, “Claire!”

“I’m…I can’t believe it.”

“Do you want to take another one? Just to make sure.”

“Yes, I think I should,” She nodded, looking at her friend.

_And so she took all six of them._

“Weel, I think ye canna be surer than that,” Geillis grinned, looking down at all the positive tests on the towel.

Claire sat down without a word.  _Pregnant_. The word resonated in her mind over and over again sending a shiver of delight  _(and slight fright)_ through her body.

“If ye we no’ pregnant I would give ye a glass of whisky, it looks like ye need it,” Looking at her, Geillis sat down in turn and stroked her back.

“Never in my life did I think I would be pregnant… I had even abandoned the idea of being a mother at all. I’m just quite shocked and scared too,” She admitted, looking at her friend with a soft smile.

“Come here,” The redhead wrapped her arms around her and held her close, “It’s fantastic news! I know deep down ye’re happy about it.”

“Of course I am,” Claire held her friend close, “But what if Jamie isn’t happy? This makes our situation even trickier and…” Suddenly it occurred to her and her eyes widened.

“Oh god, what if it’s not Jamie’s?” Claire pulled back and looked at Geillis. After all, she didn’t recall what she had been doing before the reunion.

“Okay let’s regroup and calm down for a second,” Geillis smiled, touching her arm. “This is a lot to process for ye, I’m verra aware of it but trust me, it canna be Luke’s nor someone else’s. Jamie is the father of your wee bairn.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well, the month before our trip to Scotland was the busiest at the hospital. Between surgeries and seminars, the other only thing ye did was to sleep and I ken because I spent most of my nights at yer house to commute wi’ ye since my damn car decided to break down. Plus, ye and Luke barely had time to see one another nor to do anything, ye told me yourself.”

“Oh,” Claire let out the breath she had been holding, leaning back in the sofa, “Well that’s a relief.”

“I truly dinna ken how ye managed not to climb Luke all the time but I’m glad ye did no’ because I’ve been rooting for ye and Jamie since the beginning and now I’m gonna be the auntie of a ginger bairn!”

Claire couldn’t help but chuckle at Geillis’ excitement, “Yes, you will be indeed.”

“I was born to be the cool aunt that embarrasses ye wi’ stories all the time, I canna wait! I’m goin’ to spoil that kid so much. Actually, I’ll go shopping tomorrow,” The redhead looked at her with a grin. 

Claire shook her head with a smile, “You’re insane.”

“Aye, ‘tis why ye love me!” 

“Yes,” She smiled and hugged her again.

“But dinna fash, okay? I can hear ye thinking. The dates are right, ye dinna had sex wi’ Luke, nor anyone else around the same time or ye would have told me,” Geillis held her close.

“Do I usually tell you everything about my sex life?” 

“Aye, ye do, ‘tis no’ as wild as mine, dinna fash,” She chuckled. 

“Another relief, I guess,” Claire rolled her eyes but smile. 

“Ye have no reason to think this isna Jamie’s child,” Geillis smiled warmly.

Deep down, Claire knew her friend was right. There was no way this child could be anyone’s but her Scot’s.  

“We dinna see anything when ye were at the hospital because yer accident happened two days after ye had sex. If it had been before that, we would have seen it. Another proof it’s his.”

“Yes, you’re right. I’m a doctor, I should know that” She rubbed her temples, closing her eyes for a second. Today had been too much of a rollercoaster already. 

“And it explains why ye dreamt ye were pregnant, ‘tis kind of a premonition, it happens.”

“Well you remember what Professor Thompson used to say, the body knows but the mind knows better,” Claire quoted their anatomy professor back at Harvard.

“And he was right, what a good chap,” Geillis grinned.

“Oh,” Claire closed her eyes for a second again before laughing, “I just remembered you slept with that guy.”

“Aye, sleepin’ was all he was doin’ really,” Geillis rolled her eyes before getting up.

“I’m having a niece, we need to celebrate!” The Scot clapped her hands together. 

“Geil, it could also be a nephew,” Claire chuckled, watching her disappear into the kitchen.   

“‘Tis gonna be a scot, ‘tis all I care about,” Geillis reappeared holding two glasses of orange juice and handed one to Claire.

“Oh yes, as Scottish as it comes,” She took the glass and smiled.

“To ye, the wee bairn and Jamie. And the family ye always wanted finally taking form,” Geillis raised her glass, smiling widely. “Ye truly have no idea how happy I am, I’m almost tearing up!”

“Aw, Geil,” Claire grinned, raising her glass. Geillis was not an emotional person, she was actually quite cold. Almost tearing up meant she was extremely emotional about the situation.

Claire put the glass aside and got up to hug her tightly, “Thank you.”

Geillis held her close for a moment, both women silent until the sound of Claire’s iPhone reverberated through the living room. She looked at Geillis, fear replacing the excitement in her whisky eyes, “That must be Jamie.”

“Aye, I’m sure ‘tis,” The Scot smiled.

“Pick up!  I’ll be in my room answering some overdue emails,” Geillis squeezed her one last time before she made her way out of the living room.

Claire quickly grabbed her phone, hands shaking and stomach tight. It was Jamie indeed.

She picked up and answered faintly, “Yes?”

“Sassenach, ‘tis me,” His voice sounded calm and she could hear the smile in it, something that made her relax at once.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you,” She admitted, sitting on the sofa with a smile. She laid her hand on her flat stomach.

“Aye same here,  _a_ _nighea_ n,” She could hear the smile in his voice. “Sorry ‘tis took me so long – ”

“Don’t be sorry for that, darling. I didn’t expect your conversation with Mary to take only a few minutes and I talked with Geillis, you can stay here with us.”

“Good, I’ll grab us some food on my way,” Jamie smiled, “Is there anything ye and Geillis fancy?”

“Whatever you prefer, I trust you,” She absently twisted a curl. 

“Verra well, I’ll try not to disappoint,” He chuckled, “See ye soon, mo nighean donn.”

“See you in a bit, Darling,” Claire hung up and looked at her phone. She decided she would tell him about the kid in person and not over the phone. After all, she had waited twenty years for this man, a few more minutes would not hurt.

Claire leaned back and closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the talk they had about children a few days before she received the letter of admission at Harvard. They were still young but they knew what they wanted was a family. They always did. 

_“Do ye want children one day?” Jamie stroked a stray curl away from her face as they were both lying in bed, limbs tangled._

_Nodding, Claire smiled and lightly stroked his chin with her index finger, “Yes, one day, I want everything with you… and I always wanted to be a parent.”_

_“Aye, me too,” He kissed the tip of her nose, “At least twelve.”_

_Claire burst into a laugh, “You want twelve children?!”_

_“Aye, a wee team of Frasers running around,” He grinned, holding her close._

_“You’re so extra, James Fraser,” Claire whispered against his lips before rolling them over to be on top, “Always exaggerating.”_

_“I dinna ken what ye’re talking about,” Jamie sealed their lips, his hands travelling down her back to take a firm hold of her buttocks._

_“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” She grinned, sitting up. Slowly, Claire removed her nightgown and tossed it aside._

_Jamie blinked and swallowed, watching her ivory skin glowing in the candlelight._

_“Ye are so beautiful, mo nighean donn,” He reached up to touch her cheek softly._

_“I ken we’ve got time but I canna wait for the day ye will bless me wi’ a child…” His index finger travelled down her neck, to her collarbone, the valley of her breast, sending shivers through her body._

_“To see yer body change as ye carry life within ye,” He said softly, sitting up. He moved her slightly and leaned his head down to kiss her stomach._

_Cupping his face between her palms, Claire made him look at her, whisky eyes crushing against blue._

_“We should practice for later,” She whispered, rubbing her nose against his and moving her hips to seek friction._

_Jamie made a low noise deep in his throat, his hands grabbing her ass again, “Aye, practice makes perfect, a nighean.”_

Claire opened her eyes after a while, yawning. She had dozed off on the sofa and could hear Geillis on the other side of the apartment, talking on the phone about some medical procedures.

Checking her phone, she had one message from Jamie informing her he was bringing pizzas for everyone and she smiled. Not only because she was badly craving it but also because she desperately needed to kiss him again. She realized the teenage naiveté of that feeling since they had parted only a couple of hours ago but she didn’t care. Claire had not felt this happy in years and for the first time in a while, she allowed herself not to be so serious.

The doorbell finally rang, releasing the butterflies in her stomach in the process. Claire got up at once and made her way to the hall, stopping in front of the mirror to fix her hair as if Jamie would care. 

However, when she opened the door the smile on her face faded quickly when she realized it wasn’t exactly the man she was expecting.

“Luke?!”


	14. Unresolved Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire has to deal with Luke's sudden appearance along with some unresolved feelings she had towards Jamie.

Luke stood at the door with a nervous smile on his face and proudly holding a bouquet of flowers in front of his chest, “Hello.”

“Luke…uh, hi,” Claire blinked, looking first at the flowers and then at him. He was the last person on earth she expected to see at the door and certainly not the man she had been waiting for.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this but Glenna told me about you and Geillis being in Scotland and since you haven’t been answering your phone, I…”

“You thought you’d appear out of the blue to bring me flowers?” She interrupted him, crossing her arms. Glenna was the sweetest nurse at the hospital but she was known to have very little sense of discretion. As a fellow Scot, she knew about Geillis’ apartment in Edinburgh and had probably given him the address without a second thought.

“Oh…well,” He smiled, running a hand through his dark locks, “I’ve always been a little bit of a romantic and I really needed to talk to you.”

“It’s really not a good time,” Claire watched him, stopping herself to tell him this wasn’t romantic, it was borderline pathetic.

“We’ve already had a talk back in Boston, I told you I can’t do this…” She gestured her hand, “There’s nothing you can do to make me change my mind.”

“Please,” He asked in a low voice, eyes saddened.

“I came all this way to see you. Just give me a few minutes to say what I have to say,” He handed her the flowers and Claire noted they were red roses.

“Your favourites,” He smiled sweetly.

“Actually…peonies are her favourites,” Came from a deep Scottish voice. It made  Claire’s eyes look up at once. Of course, Jamie had to arrive just now.

“Prairie charm ones, to be precise. They are a buttery colour and verra rare,” He stood behind Luke, broad and a few inches taller than the American man. He was holding the pizza he promised in one hand and a leather travel bag in the other. She had no idea how long he had been standing on the side to hear their conversation and she was both glad and terrified to see him.

Luke turned around, frowning. He looked Jamie up and down, “And you are?”

_“James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser,”_  Jamie took a step closer to stand next to her, his darkened glance glued on the other man. 

Claire knew that look. She had seen him a few times, whenever men were turning around her or making some insistent advances. Once, Frank Randall even lost two teeth because he dared to touch Claire’s arm after Jamie’s warning.

“How would you know what her favourite flowers are anyway? If you’d excuse us, we’re in the middle of a conversation here,” Luke adjusted his glasses, standing a little bit straighter to match Jamie’s height.

“Because I know a lot of things about her…Some things I’m sure you don’t even know yourself,” Jamie’s voice was alarmingly calm. Claire was about to say something when he continued.  

“Like what the little tattoo on her side means, for example, or for who it was done for,” He added, carefully watching Luke’s expression shift.  

Jamie was right, Claire had never once acknowledged it in front of Luke  _(nor any other man)_ before _._

After asking once, without much of a proper answer, he had learnt not to ask his resident  _(and girlfriend)_  about it again. The look on his face just now was enough for Claire to know he had just figured it all out by himself.

“Jamie,” Claire touched his arm, making him turn to look at her, “Luke was about to be on his way.”

Jamie handed her the pizza and let his leather bag fall on the floor. He turned his head again to look at Luke, raising his eyebrows, “Wi’ yer bouquet and that puppy look on yer face, ye dinna look like ye were on yer way to me.”

Both men were starting to lose the little patience they had with one another. On one hand, Jamie’s jealousy was out full force and Luke’s confusion was frustrating him.

“No, actually, I wasn’t,” Luke stepped closer. They were both face to face, one boiling with anger as much as the other.

“I came here to talk to Claire so cut the bullshit and leave us alone, okay?” The American pushed Jamie slightly but he didn’t wince.

“Ye heard her, she doesna want to talk wi’ ye so leave before I’ll make ye,” Jamie pushed him slightly back.

“Okay that’s enough,” Claire looked at them both, exasperated,  “You two are acting like children!”

“Children? This Scottish bastard started, I just want to talk with you!” Luke protested.

“What did ye just call me?!” Before Claire could prevent anything, Jamie’s fist had met with Luke’s face and from the cracking sound that ensued, Claire knew it was going to be a bloodbath.

What followed looked like a rooster fight in a romantic comedy, something that did not amuse Claire in the slightest.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!” She let out an exasperated groan, looking at them rolling on the floor. She was still holding the pizza box and it was probably already cold anyway, she might have well had some use of it. Hitting them with it, she had no idea which one of the two she had touched but it worked.

They both stopped, looking up at her faces covered in blood and breath coming out short.

“You two are getting up and coming inside, right this bloody minute or I’m closing that damn door!” Claire let them both outside and went in a desperate search of Geillis after abandoning the pizza in the hallway. 

“Geil?”  She knocked on her bedroom door.

“Who’s been screamin’?” The fellow doctor opened her bedroom door, looking at Claire.

“Luke showed up, then Jamie and they just fought on your porch,” Claire sighed, “I need your help, I think Luke’s nose is broken.”

“Never a dull moment wi’ ye, Beauchamp, eh?” Geillis grinned, raising her eyebrows in amusement.

“It’s not funny,” Claire poked her.

“Actually, ‘tis quite funny…” The redhead chuckled and Claire couldn’t blame her, for once.

“Dinna fash, I’ll get the medical kit and I’ll be right there!”

“Thank you, Geil,” Claire gestured her hand as she made her way to the bathroom to grab a few cloths she knew those two idiots would need.

When she walked back into the living room, she found both men sitting on opposite sofas, glaring at one another. Luke was holding his nose, a painful expression on his face. And Jamie was clutching his forehead. If she wasn’t so mad, she would have laughed at the ridiculous sight.

“I think my nose is broken,” Luke mumbled, leaning his head back to stop the blood from dripping.

“You don’t need to think it, it is broken. The noise and the bloody mess are enough to indicate that much,” She handed him a cloth before looking at Jamie.

“And you…” She leaned down, removing his hand to examine his injury.

“Your eyebrow cracked open, I’m going to clean it but you’ll probably need sutures, it looks deep,” She put the other cloth carefully against his forehead, “Hold it.”

Nodding, Jamie held the cloth and watched her, silently asking her to forgive his foolishness.

Geillis appeared with a grin, the medical box and a bottle of disinfectant, “And what do we have here? Two specimens of the weaker sex, it seems.”

“I’m taking care of Jamie and you can have Luke, though his nose is broken so he needs a trip to the ER,” Claire turned to look at her friend who tried her best not to burst into a laugh.

“I don’t,” Luke answered between two groans.

“Aye, ye do. I’ll bring ye there myself ye lucky lad,” Geillis winked, helping him up.

“I still need to talk to Claire,” He protested, looking at Claire for her to say something but she didn’t.

“Well, she has nothing more to say to ye tonight numpty so ye’re comin’ wi’ me and we’ll take care of that nose of yers. Ye have a pretty face, I dinna want ye to end up ugly because of Jamie’s labour,” The redhead grabbed her coat and bag.

“Plus, if ye have any question about Claire I’ll be more than happy to answer for her while we’re waiting for someone to take care of ye.”

Before Luke had the time to answer, the Scot had dragged him out of the house and into her car for an early evening trip at the ER. Claire knew they will need to talk eventually but right now, she needed to process everything that just happened.

Turning around, she looked at Jamie. Without a word, she opened the bottle of disinfectant and drenched the cloth as best as she could given her cast was in the way. She sat down next to him and started to clean his wound.

“‘Tis but one more scar, Sassenach. Nothin’ worth broodin’ over,” He watched her unamused face.

“I guess the pizza is ruined now though,” He said on a light tone, trying to make a joke but she still didn’t react. She was both too taken with her task and angry to even give him a smile.

Once cleaned, she grabbed what she needed to start on the suture, silently thanking Geillis for getting Luke away, and proceeded to sew his skin back together meticulously.

No matter her cast, Claire was a skilled surgeon. One of the best in her field and she could do a simple procedure like this one with her eyes closed.  _Not that she would recommend it._

“Ye’re not normally a close-mouthed woman, Claire…I expected noisier displeasure,” Jamie remarked, looking at her.

Claire still kept silent, exhibiting her displeasure by a sharp needle move while sewing his skin back together.

Jamie let out a low groan deep in his throat, jumping slightly, “But quiet anger can be very effective, aye.”

_Five stitches._  That’s how much the stubborn Scot received for his little rooster fight on the porch. That and a cold treatment by Claire. She was too angry and with age, she had learnt to shut up in such situations, at least until conversation was needed.

“It’s done,” She got up once his face was cleaned and put the medical supplies away, “You’re lucky it wasn’t your eye.”

“And I’m verra lucky to have such a good doctor,” He took her hand, placing a kiss on her palm while he looked up at her.

“You didn’t have to punch him, Jamie. We’re grown-ups here, not teenagers in a bar and…”

Sighing, Jamie got up, “I ken that but I…”

“I’m not finished,” Claire interrupted him.

“I was as surprised as you to see him at the door, I didn’t even tell him I was going to Scotland and even less the address of where I was staying. Secondly, I am not some sort of property to fight over! Got it? Before I came here, I told him I had no interest in being with him so there was no need for you to act all heroic and start an unnecessary fight.”

_“Ye are mine,_  Claire,” Jamie said simply but firmly, something floating in his blue eyes. She didn’t know exactly what it was… _Anger? Pain?_

“The simple thought of…of that man knowing what it’s like to lay wi’ ye, to kiss ye…Christ, when I saw him standin’ there, I saw red and lost all rational thoughts,” He took a step towards her. 

“You can’t blame me for living my life these past twenty years, Jamie…Because I don’t blame you for doing the same. Even if I would very much like to.”

Jamie looked at her before his eyes dropped to the floor. 

“Do you think seeing you with Mary made me happy? Might it be at the reunion or back at Lallybroch this past weekend…I felt my heart break more times than I cared to count. I kept thinking why you would come to my hotel and yet, keep acting happily married to her.”

“And now, learning that we were robbed of these years together because your sister can’t mind her own bloody business?! How do you think that makes me feel?” She crossed her arms, watching him. She was angry. Not with him for the fight but because of their situation. And her hormones were not helping much. 

“Twenty years, Jamie. Twenty fucking years!” Her voice started to tremble. All the frustrations, heartache and regrets from those last years coming back up to the surface.

“I don’t want you to ever doubt I belong to anyone else because I just don’t. I have tried to move on from you, to open up and to love but it didn’t work. Every single time, you were there. Like a ghost reminding me of what I had and what I would never have again. Sometimes it kept me up at night. Wondering what you were doing…if you had found someone who made you happy…happier.  If you were in love or if like me, you couldn’t move on.”

Jamie didn’t answer right away, his eyes filling with tears of regrets and fear. Fear of being separated from her again. He gently pulled her closer and touched her cheek.

“I’ve never loved anyone but ye,” He whispered, the sincerity in his voice overwhelming her.

“Not even Mary, aye I ken how awful this sound but ‘tis the truth,” He lifted up her chin, stroking her bottom lip with his thumb.

“I canna erase the last twenty years, I canna change the way things went nor what my sister did to us…I would give all I have to do it, but I canna,” Jamie closed his eyes for a quick second, letting a tear escape.

“What I can do, Claire, is love ye for the rest of my life,…” He looked at her again.

She had a lump in her throat and held his hand tightly, chin wobbling with emotions and hormones.  

_“And love ye well, mo nighean donn_ ” Jamie whispered against her lips, almost kissing her.

He didn’t move, waiting for Claire to accept his proposition…and she did, with a long and passionate kiss full of hope and promises of a future together.

Claire held him close, letting the comfort of his arms overwhelm her with a sense of safety. They both had unresolved feelings about being separated for twenty years and didn’t know what to do with them other than taking them all out on each other.

“I’m sorry about the fight, I ken ‘tis no excuse but I canna stand to see a man aroun’ ye and even less one whom ye had a story with.” Jamie looked down at her, his eyes pleading. “Forgive me?”

Nodding, Claire cupped his face between her palms and kissed him again, “Forgiven.”

“I might have overreacted a little bit, I’m sorry too. I didn’t see you arrive, then Luke showed up and I’m all over the place,” She stroked his jawline with her index finger.

Jamie kissed the tip of her nose, “Dinna fash, I’ll order us another pizza and then we can talk, aye?”

Nodding, Claire sealed their lips one more time before reluctantly pulling away from him, “Do that, I’ll go get you some painkiller for your forehead and ice for your hand.”

Claire got the supplies back to the bathroom before a pit stop in the kitchen to grab some drinks. She could hear Jamie on the phone ordering another pizza.

She had briefly forgotten about the nervousness to tell Jamie about the pregnancy but it came back full force. She needed to find the perfect moment to tell him he was going to be a father and prayed he would be happy about it.

Taking a long breath, she made her way to the living room holding a beer for Jamie, an iced tea for her and the icepack tucked under her arm.

“Pizza will be here in twenty minutes, Sassenach,” Jamie smiled, taking the drinks from her.

“Good, I’m starving,” She smiled softly, sitting down sat down on the sofa.

“So…how did it go with Mary?” She brought her eyes to his face to note any indication before he could answer but his face was  _(and had always been)_ unreadable.

“Och, weel,” Jamie sat down next to her, “Better than I expected if I’m honest.”

“I guess that’s good,” She leaned against him, taking his hand and carefully putting the icepack on it. The simple sight of his ring finger being bare was enough to send a giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Aye,” He shrugged, “Mary has never been someone who expressed her feelings so I dinna ken how to take it. She didn’t seem surprised, though… I guess she saw it comin’”

“What did you tell her?” She stroked his palm with her thumb.

“Everything,” He answered softly, bringing her hand to his lips. Somehow his word made all the weight on Claire’s shoulder evaporate at once. She never intended to be the other woman but sometimes life has other plans. And in retrospect, she realised Mary had been the other woman.

“I feel lighter in a way,” He looked at her. “I finally stop lying to her and to myself included. Not only about ye but about the relationship we had, it was never love and it shouldn’t have ended up in marriage, ye only made me realise it.”

“I can’t help but feel bad for Mary, though. I never wanted for her to be hurt by all of this, no matter what,” Claire admitted softly.

“Claire,” Jamie turned slightly, wrapping his arm around her neck, “Mary was never yer responsibility, to begin with. I was the married one who willingly followed ye at the hotel, twice. Aye, ye had Luke when ye came to the reunion but still, Mary was my wife and I willingly chose to sin, ye dinna force me.”

“Why did you marry her? It’s not a light decision to make,” Claire wasn’t sure she truly wanted to know his reasons, afraid to be hurt. But she needed to.

“I dinna ken…I had been trying to move on, it took me a while to start datin’ again, to be out there. Then Jenny introduced me to her, telling me I should go on a date and so on,” He started, the name Jenny making Claire’s jaw tighten.

“We went on a date, then another, and before I realised it, we were married, I just went along wi’ it because I realised I would never have what ye and I had. A love like ours doesn’t occur twice in a lifetime. Ye were never comin’ back and maybe living half a life was better than wishing for something I could never have again.”

“But I came back…”

“Aye, thank Christ ye did,” Jamie smiled, pulling her closer.

“And ye made me realise that even after all these years, ye were still what I wanted more than anythin’ else in this world, no matter the lifetime. I’m glad ‘tis was the same for ye,” He kissed the top of her head. 

“We’re together now and I will never leave you again,” She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight.

“Ye will really move back to Edinburgh then?” Jamie lifted her chin, his blue eyes piercing her soul. His voice was trembling slightly as if he was afraid she would say no.

“Yes, I am…I need time off from the hospital and I’ll get a job here when my brain won’t be so fried. I just need to arrange the move and I will probably have to go back to Boston to sort everything out but I want to live here, with you. It’s where I belong.”

“I canna wait to finally start our life together,  _mo graidh,_  “Jamie smiled, teary eyes. He sealed their lips.

“Jamie…” She looked at him, knowing it was time to tell him. 

“What is it? Why do ye look so worried all a sudden?” He frowned, panic creeping into his eyes.

“I have something to tell you…it’s nothing bad but I don’t know how you will take it,” She said softly, biting her lower lip.

“Just say it, aye?” He gave her a reassuring smile, stroking her cheek, “Except if it’s to leave me, dinna say it.”

Claire chuckled softly, “It’s not that! I just told you I want to live here with you, that would be bad.”

“‘Tis true,” He grinned, kissing her cheek. “Just tell me then.”

Younger, Claire had imagined many times how she would tell him such a thing. She had thought about cute ways to do it, with tiny shoes or a letter but this wasn’t planned and it didn’t matter how she announced it. What matters was his reaction.

“I’m pregnant,” She said simply, her mouth curling up into a shy smile. She watched his expression shift softly.

Jamie went from confusion to shock to finally look at her with the widest smile, “Are ye? Truly?!”

Nodding, Claire quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks, “Yes…I know it’s a shock but we’re having a baby, Jamie.”  

“Aye, ‘tis a shock but I dinna think I could be happier right now. Christ…” Jamie pulled her close, first kissing her with the most tender passion, then holding her close against him.

“A wee bairn!” He whispered giddily into her hair.

“I know it’s not the best timing but…”

“We’ve never been good wi’ timing, Sassenach, but we’ll manage,” Jamie lifted her chin, looking into her whisky eyes with the most honest smile.

As Claire looked into his sea blue eyes, she saw it. What their life together was going to be like, exactly the way they had imagined it all those years ago. Full of love, of laughter and happiness.


	15. Closure

Claire spent a long moment watching Jamie sound asleep next to her. It had been the first night they had slept in each other’s arms after twenty years apart. The image of him as a young lad was vivid in her mind and she noted every little changed detail of his face and what was the same. The little lines around his eyes from laughing, his auburn eyelashes, the scar on his right cheekbone…The first time she had seen him, it took her altogether three seconds to realise she had a big fat crush. One that turned out to be far more than a simple infatuation.

Her fingers itched to touch him…to claim him, but she had to get up and fix the mess Luke’s arrival created the night before. She had heard Geillis come home in the middle of the night with the American and she knew he was waiting for her to come and talk to him before he would fly back to Boston.

Reluctantly, Claire got up and left Jamie to his slumber. Once dressed, she took a breath and walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach, mostly due to morning sickness than anything else.

“Mornin’,  _m'eudail_ ,” Geillis said with a smile as she poured Claire a cup of tea. “How did ye sleep?”

“I slept fine,” Claire smiled softly, taking the mug her friend was presenting her. Actually, she slept more than fine. Being in Jamie’s arms, at last, and for the entire night at that, brought her a sense of peacefulness she had long thought forgotten. Even knowing Luke was still around couldn’t taint her good night of sleep.

“I brought Luke back here after the trip to the ER. He was a wee bit out of it from the meds and I figured he had nowhere else to go —”

“And I need to talk to him,” Claire interrupted her. She wasn’t mad at Geillis’ gesture, “After all, he came all this way, I should at least give him the reason as to why he got his nose smashed by a giant Scot.”  

“He slept on the sofa so I reckon he must still be in the livin’ room, waiting for ye,” Geillis stroked her arm and smiled. 

Claire nodded, taking a sip of peppermint tea. She let the hot liquid cascade down her throat,  warming her bones in the process.

“I’ll go and talk to him while Jamie is still asleep.” She put the mug away, looking at her friend.

“Aye do that,” Geillis winked,  “Luke said he’ll be out of here once ye two have talked.”

“Alright then,” Claire gave another look at her friend before going to the living room.

Luke was sitting on the large leather sofa, mug of coffee in hand and nose wrapped in a bandage.

“Hi…” Claire said softly, looking at him.

Luke looked up, sitting slightly straighter as he saw her, “Claire.”

“Can we talk?” She leaned against the doorframe, trying to control the nervous feeling in her stomach. 

Nodding, Luke put his mug on the coffee table and patted the space on the sofa next to him. Claire walked over to him, sitting down.

“First of all, I’m sorry you came all this way to get a broken nose,” she said truthfully, looking at his face.

“Well, I’m not,” The American looked at her. “I came here for you, the broken nose is the least of my concerns. But I won’t leave until you give me an explanation, Claire.”

“I know, I owe you that much,” she started, taking his hand.“The big Scot you met last night is Jamie Fraser.”

“Your first love?” He watched her. Claire could barely read his expressions as his bandage took most of the space on his face.

“My only one,” she admitted, knowing full well the brutal honesty of her words. There was no way to have this conversation without hurting Luke, no matter how she approached it, so she might has well be as truthful as she could.

His jaw tensed but he said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

“You don’t know much about my life before I moved to Boston but I think you should know, in order to understand at least a little bit.”

“Before I moved to Boston all those years ago, I thought I would spend my life with him and, in a way, I always knew I would, things just made it so we couldn’t. We were young and I got caught into medical school while he was back here taking care of his father and the family business. I never thought I would see him again.”

“Obviously, you did,”  his eyes dropped to his hands.

“Yes,” she paused for a second before she continued. “When I went back to Scotland for my high school reunion, a month or so ago.”

“I remember the trip, it was right before your accident…We barely saw one another before you left, it was so busy at the hospital and with your seminars —”

“Indeed it was.” Not that Claire remembered but Geillis had told her that much. Something that made all her fears of the child being Luke’s disappear. 

“Something happened at the reunion, right?” Luke looked at her again, his eyes seeking a completely different answer that he knew to be true. “Between you two?”

“Yes, something did happen, not that night but the day after. We went for a coffee and well…I don’t remember exactly but I know back then I simply wanted closure for something Jamie and I shared all those years ago, but that’s not what I found.”

“And what did you find?” He knew. But he needed to hear it.

“I found out I was still very much in love with him and there was not much I could do about it.” Nothing she could ever do could change that. 

“But you came back to Boston…surely if you loved him so much —”

“He was married,” she interrupted, noticing the surprise on Luke’s face at such a statement.

“And I had not many indications it wasn’t closure for him, either. Then my accident happened. I barely even remembered him, or you, for that matter. When I ended things with you before I got back to Scotland, it wasn’t because of Jamie but because I needed time for myself. Except when I took this time, I realised what I needed.”

“I guess you two worked things out now?”

“Yes, we did,” Claire squeezed his hand, “I know Jamie and I would have stayed together for all those years if it wasn’t for outside forces pulling us apart, but I can’t change the past.”

“Thinking about it now, I realise you’ve never been fully committed to me.” His tone was in no way accusatory, it was simply true. And deep down, Claire knew it.

“Our relationship started as some lighthearted fling, but once it started to get serious, I took little steps towards you and you always took a step back.”

“You’re right, and I don’t think I even did it consciously. I simply know now that I can’t keep lying to you or to myself about the fact my heart belongs to someone else, and it will be that way for the rest of my life.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t the girlfriend you deserved,” she finally said, letting go of what they had, no matter how brief it had been.

“Don’t be sorry, Claire…I could try and be mad at you but I just can’t,” his mouth curled up into a tender smile.

“I’m a doctor, I know organs and sciences. I mean, you know that too,” he wrapped his arm around her, “And you know as much as I do that the heart wants what it wants, no matter what we do to fight it.”

“Indeed,” Claire smiled in turn, stroking his arm.

“So do not apologize to me for that, okay?” He moved slightly, stroking her cheek, “Your heart wants to be here, with this guy, I can’t force you to come to Boston and be with me when I know you wouldn’t be fully happy. Or not even happy, at all.”

“Luke, don’t think you never made me happy because you did. It was just different and it’s not only about Jamie…it’s being back here, too. I’m home here and I spent the last twenty years longing for it and for him.”

“I understand,” he kissed her temple, ”and I realise, you were always his, never mine.”

Claire nodded. She realised a long time ago Jamie had a hold on her earth that no one else would ever have, and she knew it was the same for him.

“I hope this dude will take good care of you because you deserve it. Though, seeing the state of my nose, I have no doubt he will,” he chuckled softly.  

“Och, I’m sorry abou’ yer wee nose,” Jamie stated, standing in the door frame with a kind smile but one that indicated to Claire he was not sorry at all. He was dressed, sleepy expression on his face, and she wondered how long he had been listening to their conversation.

Getting up, Luke walked over to him, “I can’t blame you, I would have done the same. Sorry about your eyebrow.”

Without a word, Jamie held out his hand to him as his eyes were glued to his face.

Claire got up, waiting for Luke to either shake Jamie’s hand or punching him. Thankfully, he chose the first option.

“I should be on my way,” Luke then looked at Claire with a soft smile.

Nodding, she walked over to him and hugged him, “You’re are a good guy, Luke. I know you’re going to make someone really happy.”

He smiled, holding her, “I’m sorry I showed up here unannounced, but I’m glad we talked.”

“I’m glad too,” she pulled back, feeling Jamie’s eyes on them.

“I’ll miss seeing you at the hospital Doctor Beauchamp, I know everyone will.”

“I’ll be back to sort everything out and say goodbye to everybody, don’t worry about that.”

Smiling, Luke grabbed his bag and coat. “I’ll tell them, then.”

“Goodbye Luke,” Claire’s mouth curled up into a smile.

“Goodbye Claire,” he touched her cheek, smiling in turn before turning to look at Jamie.

Luke gave them one last smile before disappearing into the hall and out the front door.

Once the door shut, Jamie pulled Claire closer, wrapping his arms around her, “Weel, good morning, Sassenach.”

“Hello, you,” Claire wrapped her arms around his neck, tiptoeing to seal their lips.

“Are ye alright?” Jamie lightly stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“I am, more than alright,” she smiled, “I thought I would let you sleep while I had a talk with  Luke.”

“Och, I thought so,” He kissed the tip of her nose, “I dinna ken how I slept twenty years wi’out ye because the moment ye got up, I woke.”

“Did you hear everything?” She asked, resting her forehead in the crook of his neck.  

“Aye,” lifting her chin, blue crashed against brown, “Ye’re mine.”

“I always have been,” she leaned closer, whispering against his lips, “and always will be.”

“‘Tis the same for me, mo nighean donn,” Jamie closed the little distance between them to kiss her tenderly, a reminder of a promise he had made to her a long time ago.

“Claire, I need to ask…” 

“Tell me,” She cupped his cheek, looking in his eyes. 

“The bairn –”

“Is yours,” She answered even before he could finish his question. “I wondered too when I learnt the news but Geillis assured me Luke and I were not intimate in the weeks prior the reunion and the dates matches, Jamie. That’s why I didn’t tell him I was pregnant.” 

She saw his face relax then and he smiled, “’Tis just…I would still raise the bairn as my own, Sassenach.” 

“We can do a paternity test to be truly sure if you want,” Her heart squeezed and she started to feel panic crept on slowly. 

“Nay,” He leaned down to kiss her again, “If ye say the dates match, I have no reasons to doubt ye.” 

“Are you sure?” She looked at him, “Because we can if you’d rather –”

“I am sure,” He pulled her close, “I ken ‘tis my bairn ye’re carrying.” 

Holding him close, Claire stroked his back slowly and relaxed again, “Tha gaol agam ort.”  

Jamie smiled in her hair, his arms wrapped tightly around her body. “And I love ye, mo graidh, so much. Ye and the bairn.”

“The bairn and I need a long and warm shower,” Claire chuckled softly, “And some tea afterwards, morning sickness isn’t pleasant.”

“Go have yer shower, I’ll make ye some tea,” Jamie kissed the top of her head. “Peppermint is verra good to sooth yer feeling of sickness.”

“Thank you, darling,” Claire cupped his cheeks, giving him a long and slow kiss, “I won’t be long.”

“Take all the time ye need,” He rasped against her lips, his hands giving her firm bump a good squeeze.

Giggling, Claire made her way to the bathroom. Finally, since reuniting with Jamie, she felt fully and completely happy.

**********

“Mornin’ Rambo,” Geillis looked up from her computer as Jamie made his way to the kitchen. “Ye got yerself a wee eyebrow cut, did ye no’ ?”

“Och weel, I may or may no’ have overreacted last night,” Jamie admitted with a mischievous smile.

“A  _wee_  bit,” Geillis grinned.

“Aye, just a wee bit,” he leaned against the counter.

“Ye still canna believe she’s really back, can ye?” She closed the computer, leaning back in the chair.

“No,” he admitted, smiling, “I see her and I feel like I’m watching something happening before my eyes and I’m going to wake up any second.”

“Weel, James Fraser, you aren’t dreaming,” Geillis hit his arm, smirking, “Claire is back and she wants to be wi’ ye.”

“And we’re havin’ a bairn!” He smiled widely, his eyes filling with happy tears. “I canna believe that either.”

“Och, believe me, she took six tests,” she chuckled. “She is carrying your bairn.”

“It took ye long enough but I’m glad ye got there in the end,” the redhead smiled warmly, “and ye two deserve to finally be happy, together.”

“Aye, together,” Jamie repeated, smiling. “I wish I could make up for lost time…”

“Ye canna and neither can Claire but ‘tis no’ necessary. Ye have all the time in the world now.”

“Aye, we do,” Jamie smiled.

“What you both can do is finally live your life and not care about what people think or expect from you.”

“Ye’re right, Geillis — ”

“I’m always right, Fraser,” she interrupted him, smirking.  

“Now, what are ye goin’ to do about Jenny? Claire told me the reason she never came back to Scotland.”

“She must ken by now that I’m divorcin’, ‘tis just a matter of time before she put her nose in it to try and make me change my mind. If Mary told her everythin’ then she kens about Claire already, if not, she’ll have a surprise when we go to Lallybroch.”

“Do ye really think Mary wouldn’t say a word about Claire?” Her eyebrows rose in question. 

“I dinna ken, I guess she would. Jenny and Mary are verra close, closer than what she was wi’ Claire even. But I dinna care, I have to talk to my sister and make sure she kens Claire and I have wasted enough time, because of her, and we dinna want to keep doin’ it.”

“You’re a grown man, there’s nothin’ Jenny can do to prevent ye two to be happy again so dinna fash, I’m sure it will be fine.”

“Aye but ye ken Jenny —”

“Yes but I also know Claire,” Geillis smiled, getting up. “And she won’t let Jenny walk over her feet again, trust me on that one.”

“‘Tis true, what matters most to me now is Claire and the bairn. I dinna care what my sister thinks but I need to make sure she kens it.”

“I would pay good money to be at Lallybroch when Jenny will see Claire again, but sadly I have to go back to Boston. I ken Claire will come wi’ me for a bit but as I told her, ye two are more than welcome to stay here as long as ye need once she’s back.”

“Thank ye,” Jamie smiled. “Truly.”

“Dinna thank me, ye two deserve to be happy and I’ll do anything to help. Now, make her some tea, she’s gonna be done in the shower soon,” she winked, handing him the kettle.

Jamie chuckled and went on with his task to prepare some peppermint tea for Claire.

*******

_A week of perfect bliss._

That’s how Claire would describe the last week spent with Jamie, in the safe bubble that was Geillis’ apartment before removing her cast.

When they were not making love or talking about their unborn child, Jamie was telling her stories about things they had done together, in order for her to remember. A little bit more every day, her memory started to improve as Claire reminisced, every kiss of his bringing back fragments of her life before.

Sometimes they talked about what they would do next, but most of the time, they just stopped and simply enjoyed the moment, being with each other. They didn’t need anything else. Jenny had not tried to reach her brother, something both odd and alarming not only for Jamie but also for Claire.

She had finally taken out her cast and would be on her way to Boston to prepare for her move while Jamie had to stay behind for work. Once she’d be back, they would both go to Lallybroch to have a well-needed talk with Jenny Murray.

“I’ll be back in ten days,” Claire said looking at him, passport in hand. “I’ll call you as soon as I land, okay?”

Nodding, Jamie wrapped his arms tightly around her, “Please do.”

She held him close, closing her eyes for a moment. Twenty years ago, they had been in almost the same situation, except this time, she would be back.

“I’m sorry I canna come wi’ ye — “

“Don’t be, you have to work and Geillis will be with me, I’ll be back before you know,” she said softly, her whisky eyes piercing his soul.

Nodding, Jamie smiled softly, “Aye.”

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, “Have a safe flight, mo graidh.”

Looking down, his hand rested on her stomach. “And ye be good wi’ yer mam, ween.”

Claire’s mouth curled up into the broadest grin watching him. Since knowing about the baby, Jamie had quickly picked up the habit of talking to herstomach, first thing in the morning, last thing at night and whenever he felt like it during the day.

“Good God, I love you,” she chuckled, cupping his cheeks to kiss him.

Smiling, Jamie pressed her closer and deepened the kiss. They kissed slowly, forgetting the world around them and the rushed atmosphere of the airport.

“And I love ye,” he whispered against her lips, after a moment. “Now go before I change my mind and keep ye wi’ me.” 

“Yeah and because otherwise, we’re goin’ to miss the plane,” Geillis chimed in, chuckling.

Claire smirked, kissing Jamie one last time, “See you soon, darling.”

“See ye, mo nighean donn,” Jamie kissed her hand before reluctantly letting go of it.

“Take good care of her, Geillis,” He smirked, watching them. 

“Ye ken I will big scot,” Grinning, Geillis hit his arm playfully and picked up the bags. 

Both women started to walk towards the check-in doors, the same ones Jamie had watched her disappear behind all those years ago.

“Come back to me, Claire Beauchamp! ” He said a bit louder as she was already a few feet away.

Claire turned around a wide smile on her gorgeous face. She waved, winking at him, and he knew she’d be back.

_It wasn’t a farewell this time._


	16. Home Sweet Home

_Two months._

That’s how long Claire had been in Boston for. It had to last only a week but one thing led to another and her stay dragged on, much to her and Jamie’s misery.  _Packing her belongings, giving the letter of resignation, and putting her house up on the market._ Things she had not expected would take so long but did. They had called one another every day. Talking for hours on end before one of them would fall asleep or reluctantly hung up to go to work.

Jamie had felt hollow. It seemed the lightness he had found with Claire back in his arms had disappeared all over again to leave space for fears and doubts.  _What if she stayed in Boston, again? What if she decided her life was truly over there and not in Scotland?_

Her tender voice managed to soothe his fears after each phone call but laying alone at night, they would roam back full force and prevented him to sleep. He missed her. Her smile, her laugh, her perfume…He wondered how he managed to live twenty years without her. Jamie started to count the minutes, the hours, and the days until she would be back in his arms.

_“And what are you doing? Are you at the office?” Claire laid in the middle of the bed, eyes glued to the ceiling as she talked to Jamie. She had woken up ten minutes ago and had to call him immediately._

_“Nay, I just got back to the apartment,” Jamie said with a smile, “How are ye feelin’ this morning?”_

_“Good, I’m not feeling so sick and I noticed my boobs are getting humongous,” She looked down at herself, chuckling._

_“Ye could send me a picture, mo ghraidh…”_

_“Yes I could, maybe I will once I’ll find the courage to get up but it wouldn’t come free of charges,”_

_“What?” He grinned, “Would ye like a picture of my cock?”_

_“No, not particularly,” She muffled a laugh in the pillow, “Though I’m rather fond of it. I’m afraid I’d be looking at it with an anatomical point of you which ruins the entire concept of sending nudes.”_

_Jamie burst into a laugh, “Well then, I willna trouble ye wi’ it, go have yer shower, Sassenach.”_

_61 days…1464 hours…2108160 minutes.._.and finally, Claire’s plane was about to land.

Since asking his wife for a divorce, Jamie had no news of Mary, and his sister had not picked up the phone whenever he tried to call. Which, given Jenny Murray’s character, complete silence was rather odd…alarming, even. He knew she was waiting for him to show his face at Lallybroch, but he refused to go without Claire. No matter how much he wanted for them to have a little talk.

He had an appointment with his lawyer in about ten days which would hopefully move the divorce forward. He didn’t want anything from Mary, except for the divorce. She could keep the house, their belongings, and the ring. Nothing mattered to him, anyway, and they never had. All he wanted was Claire.  _His Sorcha._

_“Mary?” Jamie called in the hall, removing his coat and scarf. He couldn’t wash the smell of Claire on his skin and he didn’t want to. He had waited twenty years to feel whole again._

_“In the kitchen!” She answered happily, depositing a pan on the stove._

_Jamie closed his eyes for a brief instant before making his way towards the kitchen. He had never realized until now how little this place felt like home to him._

_“How was work?” She asked without looking at him, keeping at her task of stirring whatever she was making. He could tell she was smiling while she was busy preparing their dinner. It reminded him how bad of a cook Claire was and the memory of her burning their dinners most nights than not made him smile._

_“Jamie?” Mary frowned, turning around._

_“Oh aye?” Blinking, he looked at her. He knew she could tell something wasn’t right but she had a habit to always keep silent, no matter what was happening around her. Around them._

_“I asked ye how was work?” She rested her hands on her hips, waiting for an answer._

_“I wasna at work –” He had no time to finish when Mary cut him off._

_“Did you go to Lallybroch? Are there some issues wi’ the barrels again? I had Jenny on the phone earlier, she would have told me — ”_

_“Nay, nothin’ of the sorts,” he interrupted her, “Mary, we need to talk.”_

_“What’s wrong?” Her frown deepened. She was either truly in denial or completely trying to hide from him the fact she knew what was coming next._

_“I was with Claire.” He couldn’t hide the hint of excitement while speaking these words and the ping of guilt that followed when Mary’s face decomposed on the spot._

_Silence.  
_ __  
A thick one that wasn’t supposed to belong between two people who had been married for the last five years. Two people who were supposed to be intimate. Jamie suddenly felt like a stranger in his own home. A house he had bought long before meeting Mary.

_“I want a divorce,” he said finally, his words hanging heavily in the air between them. There was no need to beat around the bush because there was no sensitive way to ask for such a thing._

_“That’s not very wise of ye,” she answered quietly, swallowing hard._

_“‘Tis no’ a matter of bein’ wise, ‘tis a matter of bein’ happy. And ye and I both ken we havena been in a verra long time.”_

_“In a very long time or since Claire Beauchamp showed up? It didn’t seem that bad before she did. Never heard ye complain,” Mary crossed her arms._

_“Nay, it wasna that bad because I thought I was fine but I was wrong and I lied to ye for far too long, I canna keep doin’ it…Since the reunion, I have been thinkin’—”_

_“Aye, I have noticed ye havena been yerself since the reunion,” She remarked, a snark in her cold tone._

_“I have actually been more myself since the reunion than I ever had before, Mary.”_

_“I always knew you were never over her,” She watched him. Her face was unreadable and her tone was calm, “Jenny told me as much, many times —”_

_“Dinna bring Jenny into this,” His jaw tensed at the mention of his sister. He didn’t think he could ever forgive her for what she did, “I have things to say to her in time about this situation but right now ‘tis wi’ ye that I want to talk to.”_

_“What do ye want from me? Are ye expecting me to say I knew it would happen? Because I did.” She took a step forward towards him._

_“Are ye expecting me to apologize not to be the woman ye needed? Because I won’t. I gave ye my love, my body, I gave ye everythin’ I had even when I saw ye were no’ willing to give me anything in return because ye could never get over yer first love. The same one that lived twenty years away from ye and didn’t seem to mind, then.” She laughed mockingly._

_Her words had no effect on him because he knew. He knew why Claire had not come back and why they had wasted so many years being miserable. He knew, so he let her talk, his heart protected by the essence of Claire. He didn’t even hear what she was saying, he was simply waiting for her to be done._

_“Did you sleep with her?” Mary’s question actually surprised him and yet, not really. He had lied to her for far too long, it was time to be honest. Completely and brutally._

_“Yes, the day after the reunion…” And this afternoon. But he didn’t add that one._

_“We had coffee together and she asked me to come to her hotel room —”_

_“And she’s a hoor wi’ that?!”_

_“Dinna talk of her like that!”_

_“She asked another woman’s husband to go come to her hotel room, ye ken how these women are called!”_

_“I went, more than willingly! If ye have to blame someone here, ye blame me but no’ her, Mary,” He was boiling._

_“So now she’s back and ye two will pick up where ye left off and ride into the sunset?”_

_“Ye deserve someone who loves ye unconditionally, Mary… ‘tis no’ me and ye ken it. I wasna the husband ye deserved and I will never be because I belong to someone else and I always will. I dinna ken what else to tell ye, I’m tired of lyin’ both to ye and to myself.”_

_“Ye’ll get yer divorce, ye’ve been unfaithful to me wi’ Claire long before she even came back, she’s always been there, lurkin’ in yer shadow… Ye ken what? Once Jenny told me she had a vision durin’ our wedding ceremony. A vision of Claire standing next to ye. At the time, I brushed it off, I even found it funny because ye were my husband after all but in retrospect, it makes sense now. She was the other woman, Jamie — ”_

_“Claire was never the other woman,” he spat out, his words making her stop at once._

_“I’m sorry for hurtin’ ye Mary, I truly am,” Jamie said sincerely, “ But I canna be sorry for loving Claire. I will never be sorry for such a thing.”_

“Jamie?” Her thick British accent pulled him out of his thoughts and his heart started to beat again. The way she said his name, with a hint of amusement and another of mischief. The way it cascaded off her lips so naturally.

His smile widened and his arms wrapped around her tightly. The lightness was back. _The happiness._ All of it. He held her close for a long moment, eyes closed and head buried into her hair. The smell of her shampoo and the softness of her curls, a reason enough to make him smile like a child.

Looking up, Claire cupped his cheeks between her palms and smiled widely. She brought his face closer to hers and sealed their lips for a long time, erasing all his fears in a second as if they had never existed.

“Christ, I’ve missed ye so,” he whispered against her lips, emotions caught in his voice and his hand pressing her closer to him.

“And I’ve missed you.” Smiling, she stroked his jawline with her index finger, “I’m sorry it took longer than planned.”

“Ye’re back!” His wide grin stamped his face as his hand cupped her cheek, “‘Tis all that matters,  _mo ghraidh._ ”

“Oh, you won’t get rid of me that easily, Fraser,” She grinned, tiptoeing to kiss the tip of his nose.

Jamie held her close again, sighing happily. “I dinna intend to,” he kissed her cheek, “Ye must be exhausted.”

“I’m shattered,” She rested her forehead against his. “I need a warm bath and a cuppa and you.” 

Jamie brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, “This all sounds like a good plan.”

“Take me home, Darling.” 

**********

“And I’ve missed our ween,” Jamie whispered in her ear, his hands cupping her burgeoning stomach. It wasn’t very noticeable under her clothes but once naked, it was the cutest little bump.

“The baby’s the size of a plum right now,” She grinned, stroking his hand.

“A wee Scottish plum,” Jamie grinned, nibbling her earlobe softly.

She chuckled, his tongue tickling her skin. “And I just look like I had too much to eat!”

“Nay, ye look beautiful, a nighean,” He wrapped his arms around her, “Carryin’ life within’ ye, one that we created together…There isna a more beautiful sight in the world to me.”

Claire turned her head slightly to look at him. She didn’t know exactly what it was — _probably a mixture of hormones and relief to be back in his arms —_  but she felt overwhelmed and couldn’t help the tears escaping her eyes, “I love you so much!”

“Och, dinna cry,” he smiled, wiping her tears away with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it…It just came up all at once,” She chuckled softly through the tears, leaning back against his chest.

“Hormones, eh?” He kissed her temple.

“Yes and I’m afraid it’s just starting,” She brought his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles, “The other day I cried because I burnt my toast, I mean come on.”

“‘Tis fine, I got some books for future dads, I’m ready to handle it all and have my hand crushed durin’ labour.” He stroked her belly, smiling tenderly.

“There are a few more months until I go into labour but I’m glad to know you are prepared, James Fraser.” She smiled warmly. He was the sweetest man and he was hers. At that moment, she didn’t think she could be happier.

“Always, mo nighean donn.” He held her close and silence fell between them. Bringing with it serenity and peace.  

The warm water of the bath enveloped them both and Claire was grateful for Geillis’ expensive tastes in home decor for the humongous tub in the bathroom. Jamie was 6ft4 and he fit nicely along with her. Limbs tangled together, heartbeats slow and in sync.

“We should get out at some point, the water is getting cold and I need a bed.” Kissing her cheek, Claire sat up slowly before getting up and out of the bath carefully.

“Jet lag is startin’ to kick in?”  He watched her for a moment, smiling, before getting up and out in turn.

Nodding, Claire couldn’t prevent the yawn escaping her as she dried her body.

“Go to bed,  _mo_ _ghr_ _aidh_ , I’ll go make ye some tea and I’ll be right there.” Smiling, Jamie kissed her forehead and wrapped a towel around his waist. She watched him disappear out of the bathroom and couldn’t help but grin happily.

Claire knew that the jet lag wasn’t primarily to blame for her exhaustion. She had felt tired and sick since her 6th week mark and hoped things would improve now that her second trimester was starting. She quickly changed into knickers and a large band t-shirt before sneaking under the warm covers and letting out a satisfied sigh.

She could hear Jamie in the kitchen, humming happily. He was tone-deaf and couldn’t sing to save his life but the sound amused her as much as it warmed her heart. She heard the porcelain of the mug against the marble of the counter and the kettle boiling. Those sounds were a welcome novelty compared to the complete silence she had to live with all these years in Boston. Even when Luke was around, it seemed that her house had no life into it. Now here, with Jamie, everything felt right.

Her lids were heavy and after three yawns, she finally let sleep take over and fell into a deep slumber.

The Scot walked into the room a few minutes later and stopped in his tracks as he saw her. Smiling, he put the mug on the drawer and made his way towards the bed. He carefully climbed up, not to wake her, and turned off the bedside table lamp.

Sensing him, Claire turned and instantly laid against him. He knew she was asleep so he didn’t say a word. Instead, he wrapped her safely into his arms, spooning her and kissing her head.

“God, shield my beloved, my white dove and the child she is bearing. Preserve her from violence…and from harm,” He whispered in her hair, his hand resting on her stomach, “In this place and every place. On this night…and on every night.”

Closing his eyes, Jamie was unaware of the smile forming on her lips as he spoke those words. Words he thought slumber wouldn’t let her hear.

**********

Slowly rubbing her nose against Jamie’s, Claire brushed her lips against his and whispered, “Wake up sleepy head.”

“Sassenach,” he yawned, holding her close and eyes still closed.

“Good morning.” Claire cuddled him, smiling. It was the first morning where not only she had slept decently the night before, but she also she didn’t feel nauseous.

“What time is it?” He opened one eye to look at her. 

“Very early…” She admitted with a mischievous grin. “You told me I could wake you up if jet lag struck again.”

“I dinna recall saying that,” he chuckled, kissing the tip of her nose, “But ‘tis alright.”

“I’m sorry I fell asleep like a lump last night, I just got in bed and I didn’t even understand what happened.”

“Dinna fash, I like to watch ye sleep,” he smiled, stroking a stray curl away from her face, “To see how ye changed…how ye’re the same. And I wasna long to follow into slumber.”

“Well…It’s the weekend, you don’t have to work and it’s early,” she purred, rolling them over to straddle him. “And I’m not feeling as if I want to paint the bathroom with my organs, so maybe we could —”

Jamie cut her off with his lips, his hands travelling down her back to take a grip on her arse,  “Oh aye…we can.”

“Great, I really wanted to go out for breakfast.” Grinning, Claire slowly got up but Jamie pulled her back in bed, making her laugh in the process.

“We can go out for breakfast but ‘tis still dark outside, let’s wait a bit aye?” He lifted up her t-shirt and tossed it away before laying her down again and kissing her neck down to her sensitive breast.

“They did indeed get humongous,” He whispered, before taking her nipple into his mouth. 

Claire winced of pleasure, feeling the coldness of his tongue against her skin. She didn’t bother answering. She ran her fingers through his hair and groaned as he continued his labour of worship. 

He placed kissed along her skin, down to her navel, leaving goosebumps on all over his path.

“Don’t you want to eat?” She arched her back, a groan escaping her lips and she looked at him.

“Oh aye,” Jamie pulled down her panties slowly.

Looking up, the mischief floating in his blue eyes sent a bolt of electricity through her body and the last thing she saw before surrendering herself to him was his face disappearing between her legs.

He took his time. Savouring every inch of her and her porcelain skin. He knew how to drive her mad and the way he smiled when she pulled at his curls indicated he was very pleased with himself.

“Jamie… “ She rasped, her body arching and her whisky eyes looking down at him. Her voice was full of lust, never wanting him to stop what he was doing but knowing she was so close, she couldn’t hold it in.

“Come for me, _mo ghraidh_ ,” His hand reached up to massage her breast thoroughly and Claire let go.

In no time, she was shaking and panting. Her body taken over by climax and her fists tightly shut to grasp the sheets, “Fucking Christ,”

“I ken I did my job right when ye come up to the point of blasphemy,” Grinning, Jamie rested his head on her abdomen.  

She looked at him, face flushed and broad grin, cupping his cheek, “I’m glad I woke up early.”

“Och, me too for once.” He smiled, rubbing his nose against her stomach, “How are ye feelin’?”

“Good,” she smiled. “Like I said, I’m not feeling sick so it’s a nice change.”

“I’m sorry I wasna wi’ ye in Boston, ye were so sick each day, it killed me to be away.” He sighed, holding her close.

“I’m rather glad you didn’t see me like that,” she chuckled softly, closing her eyes for a second. Her first few weeks had been a nightmare. Not only she had bad morning sickness, she felt like a complete shell of herself. “I was just a lump moving from the bed to the sofa and to the bathroom.”

“‘Tis no’ nice to make yer Mam feel so bad, _a leannan,_ ” Jamie placed a kiss on her stomach.

Claire watched Jamie going on a full conversation with their unborn child in her womb and her heart was about to burst. He was so gentle, so tender. She didn’t know what she did to deserve this man but she thanked God for him.

“Darling?” Claire said softly, once Jamie had gone quiet and rested her head on her stomach. “So you still haven’t heard from your sister?”

Jamie’s body tensed at the mention of his sister and no matter how much Claire didn’t want to talk about Jenny Murray, it was needed. And badly.

“Nay, I have called but she dinna call back and I haven’t been to Lallybroch since ye left, I sent Fergus to check on the distillery for me.”

“Well I’m not thrilled about the idea, but I think we should go to Lallybroch at some point. You can’t avoid this place forever, it’s your home too and you have the distillery along with it,” She stroked his fiery curls.

Jamie placed a kiss on her stomach and leaned up, pulling her closer. “I ken, a nighean, I simply dinna want to show my face there without ye.” He kissed her.

“When is your appointment with your lawyer again?” 

“I’m seein’ Ned in ten days,” He thought for a second, “No, nine.” 

“Should we wait for that before we go?” She looked at him, stroking his jaw. 

“Nay, I dinna think it’s necessary,” He pecked her lips, smiling softly. 

“Well, I planned to spend my first day back here enjoying you but we could go tomorrow? Or next weekend?”

“The sooner the better I guess,” He kissed the tip of her nose, “Let’s go to Lallybroch tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be an on wee hiatus for a few weeks but fear not these babies will be back soon for a much-needed talk with Jenny Murray! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	17. Unwelcome Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we’re back! Thanks for your patience when I took a wee break from posting this story. It's back to weekly updates.
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy the new chapter <3

A long time ago, the sight of Lallybroch was able to warm Claire to the bone and sent a rush of happiness through her entire body. But that was before. Now, standing in front of the estate, she almost felt sick. She knew it had partly to do with her state but the knowledge of having to see Jenny Murray again wasn’t helping with the feeling either.

“Are ye alright, mo graidh?” Jamie came to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her body.

“Yes, it’s just…Well you know, I’m not exactly thrilled to see your sister,” She leaned into him, knowing he shared the sentiment, “I might as well be honest with you.”

Jamie kissed the top of her head, “Och weel, I’m no’ exactly thrilled to see her, either. But ‘tis my home and yers along wi’ it, if she has somethin’ to say about it, I’ll have some answers for her.”

Claire turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck, “If,” She tilted her head to the side, “You know full well she’ll have things to say. A lot of things.”

“That makes two of us, then,” Jamie kissed the tip of her nose, “I’m a grown lad, I dinna care what she says, what she thinks, what she wants from me. As long as I have ye, I’m fine,” He bent his head and kissed her, lips overlapping.

“Ye’re all I need,” Jamie smiled, pressing her closer to him. Claire melted into his touch, not bothering to respond other than with a long and slow kiss.

“Uncle Jamie!” The voice of Jamie’s nephew, Young Ian, made them jump and pull apart at once.

“Mornin’ lad,” Jamie smiled, hugging the teenager. Claire had seen him during the weekend here with Geillis. He was a charming young man, about to be seventeen if Claire recalled what Jamie had said correctly.

Claire watched fondly the scene before her until Jenny Murray standing at the doorway reached her sight.

Lallybroch was separated into a few entities. First, there was the distillery where Jamie meticulously made his award-winning whisky. Then, Jenny ran a bed and breakfast in the converted barn, away from the house. Last, the main part of the estate where the siblings used to live with their parents was now where Jenny lived with her own family and a room was reserved for Jamie.

“Look who we have here,” Jenny said in a snarky tone, walking over to the little group, “Claire Beauchamp.”

“Jenny,” Claire gave her a polite smile to show her she was the bigger person.

Jenny looked almost the same as the last time she had seen her. She was the total opposite of Jamie, small with dark hair and soft features, except for their blue eyes. Though Jamie’s carried love and warmth for Claire, Jenny’s were cold and full of resentment.

“Welcome back to Lallybroch,” Young Ian looked at Claire with a kind smile, “Can I call ye auntie Claire, then?”

“Ye already have an auntie,” Jenny shot a look at his son and Claire felt Jamie tense next to her.

“Go back inside, would ye? I havna done sortin’ the emails for the day and it needs doin’,” It wasn’t a question and young Ian knew it perfectly well. Nodding, he looked at his uncle and Claire, giving them a warm smile before going back inside.

“‘Tis good ye finally felt that comin’ back here was needed, brother. I thought ye had disappeared from the face of the earth and forgot about us,” She rested her hands on her hips, her eyes glued on him.

“Good day to ye too, Janet,” Jamie wrapped his arm around Claire protectively, “I suppose ye remember Claire –”

“What are ye doin’ here?” Her eyebrows rose in question, “Ye’ve spent the last two months hiding after ye left yer wife and now ye’re finally showin’ up? And wi’ her?”

“‘Tis my home as much as it is yers, I have to check on the distillery and I thought the country air would do Claire and myself some good,” Jamie picked up the travel back and started to walk with Claire towards the house.

“Oh and I would like to have a talk wi’ ye,” Jamie added without looking at his sister who stayed down the stairs.

“Aye, we need to talk!” Jenny answered firmly, crossing her arms.

Jamie didn’t respond and Claire turned her head to look at her former sister in law. The look she got then confirmed her suspicions that the few days they’ll spend at Lallybroch were going to be long.  _Very long._

**********

Stepping into the bedroom, Claire looked around and smiled at the comforting feeling she experienced down in her stomach. She removed her coat and laid it on the chair before turning to look at Jamie as he closed the door. She didn’t really remember how it had looked twenty years ago but she was sure they had redecorated. It wasn’t a typical young man’s room. It was warm and rustic, with a wooden canopy bed taking centre stage. A matching chest of drawers on the side, shelves decorated with books, a bottle of whisky and a fireplace.

“‘Tis changed a bit, aye,” He smiled, putting the bag down.

“I don’t really remember the way it was before, I’m sorry,” She smiled softly, “But it’s lovely now nonetheless.”

“Och, no’ much to fuss over, ‘tis was a typical teenager’s room wi’ posters of Radiohead and The Rolling Stones on the wall and mess everywhere.”

Claire sat down on the bed, bouncing on it with a grin, “Is this room where we lost our virginity or am I making things up?”

“This very one,” He chuckled, sitting next to her. He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “No’ this bed though, I had a one-person bed back then,” He chuckled.

“Was it very awkward?” She grinned, looking at him.

Jamie kissed her palm again and looked at her with a smile, “No, ‘tis was perfect. Ye were perfect, I was surely not the best nor did I last verra long but then we spent the night awake, talkin’, kissin’ and holdin’ hand under the plaid. To this day ‘tis still one of my favourite moments in my life.”

Claire leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder and smiled.

“I willna forget when I woke that mornin’ and I watched ye sleep, wrapped in Fraser tartan. Christ…and now we’re here together, with a wee bairn on the way. ‘Tis all I ever dreamt of,” He sighed happily.

“I know it sounds ridiculous but I can’t help but wonder if I’ll be any good at it…” She asked softly, her eyes glued on their linked hands, “Being a mother, I mean.”

Jamie looked at her, “Of course you will.”

“Well, I’m a doctor,” She reluctantly brought her eyes up to look at him, sensing his silent plead for her to do so, “I know how to deliver a baby, how to feed one, how to take care of one when it’s ill but,…” she stopped for a brief second and turned slightly on her side to face him.

“That’s not being a mother.”

“I only have a vague memory of my own mother, nothing really to guide me,” She looked down at her burgeoning bump, feeling the tears coming up. She had lost her parents at the age of five. The only thing she remembered of them weren’t tangible enough to know how they had been like. She had the stories her uncle told her and photographs, but it was it.

“I never thought I’ll be a mother… After all, with my impossible hours at work and my barely existent love life, I had started to grieve that idea, even. Some women aren’t meant to be mothers, I thought I was one of them –”

“What ye dinna ken, ye’ll learn,” Jamie leaned towards her, resting his hand on her belly and kissed her cheek, “We’ll learn.  _Together_.”

“Ye will be a wonderful mother, Claire. I know it,” He smiled tenderly.

Claire cupped his cheek and smiled, a tear strolling down her cheek. She was reassured by his words and deep down, she would be alright. They would be alright as long as Jamie was around, “I do love you.”

“I love ye too, mo nighean donn,” Jamie sealed their lips before he whispered, “Ye and the ween.”

**********

Once settled in the room, Claire and Jamie made their way downstairs. She had changed into a chunky beige knit to hide the little bump she had. The last thing she needed right now was Jenny to see her state before they had the chance to say anything to her first. 

Claire wasn’t exactly nervous. She knew Jamie’s sister wasn’t thrilled about the situation due to her closeness to Mary and, being a good Catholic girl, couldn’t forgive cheating. Something she was though was angry. Because if Jenny had minded her business twenty years ago, they wouldn’t be in this situation right now. After all this time, Claire still felt guilty for leaving Jamie without a fight.

“Go in the livin’ room, mo ghraidh, I’ll go and get her,” Jamie kissed the top of her head and waited for a nod to disappear towards the kitchen.

Claire walked towards the living room, stomach tight. On their way, Jamie had extensively told her about Jenny’s husband, Ian, and their four children, Young Ian, Michael, Margaret and Caitlin.

She stopped to examined the wall of pictures at the entrance and smiled absently seeing the family pictures. Some of Jamie as a child with his sister and his parents, some of Jenny’s family, various pictures of the children. There was one of Jamie with Mary but it wasn’t from their wedding like Claire had dreamt of. Even if the slight annoyance of seeing this was definitely there, it didn’t bother her as much as she thought it would. She knew Jenny had left it on purpose.

She sat on one of the Chesterfield and waited for Jamie to come back. Either alone or accompanied by his sister. Looking around, she realised how much growing up she had done in the last twenty years. She wasn’t afraid, just slightly nervous. Not because of what Jenny would think or say but because it killed her to know she was the cause of a rift between Jamie and his sister. She was angry, for lost time, but rational, knowing that from now on, her life was in Scotland with the man she had always loved. No matter what these few days at Lallybroch would bring, there was one thing she was sure of: the love she shared with Jamie was too strong for anyone to jeopardize.

Jamie stepped into the living room first, followed closely by Jenny who Claire almost didn’t see behind the tall Scot. Her expression from earlier was still very much stamped on her face - _\- not going anywhere anytime soon._

Jenny stayed silent as she sat in the Chesterfield opposite the one Claire and Jamie sat on. She didn’t say anything and simply looked at them, arms crossed, eyebrows up. 

“Now all of a sudden ye lost yer tongue, Janet?” Jamie finally asked, breaking the awkward silence between the trio. If Claire knew something, it was how heated the arguments between the Fraser siblings could be. This would be no different, she had no doubt about it. She had to let them sort things out between the two of them before she would talk.

“What do ye want me to say? Ye’ve made yer choice, ‘tis pretty clear,” Jenny’s eyes quickly drifted towards Claire before looking at Jamie again. Her tone was disdainful and cold, “I might no’ agree wi’ it but ye’re a grown lad, are ye no’?”

“Aye, exactly,” Jamie took Claire’s hand in his. Both not failing to notice Jenny slight expression of displeasure at such a simple gesture.

“I wish ye had better judgement but I’ve got enough on my plate trying to raise my children, I dinna need ye on top of it all brother,” She brushed him off.

“So when exactly are ye goin’ to admit ye’re the main reason Claire and I stayed apart for twenty years?” Jamie’s voice was alarming calm to Claire. She knew he could snap at any second.  _They both could._

“Are ye goin’ to blame me for yer more than questionable life choices?” Jenny rolled her eyes and got up.

“Dinna lie to me Jenny, if ye ken there is one thing I hate is lies!” Jamie got up in turn, his jaw tightly clenching.

“Ye hate lies? That’s verra rich of ye brother!” She threw her hands in the air in disbelief.

“Aye, I have made mistakes, the first one was to marry Mary, but at least I can admit them and take responsibilities for the consequences –”

Jenny chuckled then. A snarky sound, “Take responsibility now? Ye spent the last two months hiding from us, too ashamed of yer behaviour to show yerself in front of yer family. ‘Tis what ye call bein’ responsible?”

Claire felt Jamie’s anger rising slowly up the surface, she didn’t need to look at him to know. But before he had the time to say anything, Jenny continued on.

“What do ye want me to say? That I told Claire not come back from Boston for yer own good? Aye! I did! Ye ken the way ye were when she left, ye were a shell of yerself, a ghost even, floatin’ around the house lost and depressed. She was no’ going to come back anyway, ye ken it as much as I do –”

“I would have come back sooner than this if I had known Jamie still wanted me,” Claire got up in turn, stopping herself of touching her stomach and instead grabbed Jamie’s hand.

“You know it perfectly well, Jenny. I was naive and I thought you were right. Because I loved him so much I was willing to leave him alone if I thought he would be happier without him —“

“Dinna start playin’ the victim, Claire,” Jenny rolled her eyes, “Ye kenas well as I do the long distance wouldna have worked.”

“You don’t understand, do you?” The Englishwoman almost laughed, “This was none of your business to sort out to begin with. We were young but we knew exactly what we wanted –”

“Ye dinna or ye would have stayed wi’ my brother instead of movin’ to Boston for yer own selfish reasons,” With those words hanging heavily in the air, Jenny left the room.  

“Glad to see she is still as stubborn as a mule,” Claire looked at Jamie, eyebrow raised. It had gone exactly the way she had imagined.

Jamie didn’t answer, boiling with rage, fists clenched tightly against his body.

“Jamie,” She touched his arm, “Darling, look at me please.”

“I knew she wouldn’t understand and she wouldna admit her faults,” He sighed, looking her eyes. His breath slowing when she smiled.

“Exactly,” She touched his cheek, “We just got here, give her time and we’ll have other talks with her. Maybe she will never understand but we can’t do anything about that. I’m sorry my presence here is causing a rift between the two of you –”

“Dinna apologize, Claire,” He frowned, “‘Tis largely her fault and she kens it, ‘tis why she’s reactin’ this way, no’ only because of the divorce or how I treated Mary.”

“Well,” She wrapped her arms around his neck, tiptoeing to seal their lips, “We’re grown ups, are we not? I won’t let your sister mingle into our relationship again, she already did enough damages. If she can’t see how happy we are, there isn’t much we can do about it other than being civil towards her. Eventually, it’ll pass.”

Jamie’s mouth curled up into a smile as his arms wrapped around her waist, “I dinna ken what I did to deserve such a wise woman but ‘tis must have been somethin’ right.”

Claire chuckled, “I’m not sure I’m very wise, Fraser.”

He held her close, cradling her head, “Thank ye for bein’ here, Sassenach. Ye ken my flaws and yet, ye love me.”

Looking up, Claire touched his cheek again, “I am not perfect, either. I could tell you the same thing. But you don’t have to thank me for loving you, I don’t think I have much choice in the matter,” She grinned, sealing their lips.

“Och, no?” Jamie looked at her with a smirk.

“No, I saw you and I was done for,” She whispered against his lips, “And the rest is history.”

“Aye, ‘tis…” He kissed the tip of her nose before resting his hand on her belly, “And still in the making.”

“Well that is another thing your sister will be thrilled about,” Claire grimaced, stroking his hand. She didn’t know if she had any energy left for another confrontation with Jenny Murray today and it was not even noon.

“Secretly, she’ll be thrilled. Ye dinna ken how long she waited for me to finally be a Da –”

“Too bad I’m the one carrying the child.”

“Dinna say that…”

“I’m just kidding,” She kissed his cheek, grinning, “Or not.”

“I just dinna want ye to be stressed, ‘tis no’ good for the baby,” He sighed, “Maybe I shouldn’t have brought ye here –”

“We’re fine, darling,” She took his hand, “And I’ll tell you immediately if it becomes too much. The last thing I want is to stress the baby.”

“Why don’t ye have a wee rest while I go check on the distillery? I’ll give ye a tour in the afternoon if ye’d like,” He stroked her cheek, smiling.

“Alright, it sounds like a plan,” She smiled, the idea of a nap thrilling her. Since the news of her pregnancy, Claire had a new found love for naps or simply laying on her bed doing nothing.

“See ye later, mo nighean donn,”  He kissed the top of her head and blinked both his eyes to what was considered a wink coming from Jamie.

Smiling, Claire watched him leave the living room before she made her way towards the stairs. Jenny stood there, clearly waiting for her.

“How far along are ye?” She asked, her face expressionless.

Claire blinked, looking at Jenny who was coming down the stairs. There was no way she had heard the conversation she just had with Jamie.

“I have had four bairns, do ye really think I can no’ see when a woman is pregnant? At least ye can give me that even if ye tried to hide it wi’ yer huge sweater,” Jenny pointed to Claire’s knit.

“Jamie and I were going to tell you, we just didn’t know when –”

“How far along?” Jenny asked again, resting her hands on her hips. Her annoyed pose these days, it seemed.

“I’ve started the 15th week –”

“I ken ye were a hoor but ‘tis even worse than I imagined,” The Scot said casually.

“I beg your pardon?” Claire almost laughed at the remark, “I know you don’t like me very much right now, Jenny, but calling me a whore is rather dramatic. I do not believe your brother would appreciate it very much.”

“Was it always part of yer plan to unleash yer claws on my brother when ye saw him again?”

“My plan? Because you believe I premeditated all of this situation?” Claire couldn’t comprehend what she was hearing, “Do you actually think I had this in my head when I made my way to the reunion? I was not even planning to go if it wasn’t for Geillis!”

“Oh, of course, no’,” Jenny rolled her eyes. Twenty years and she didn’t seem to have grown one bit.

“No, I wasn’t. I never planned to come back and steal him away from his wife. I thought he was perfectly happy when I saw him again, I accepted it and I tried to move on –”

“He was perfectly happy,” Jenny spat out.

“Who exactly are you trying to convince with that? Me or yourself?”

“Aye, no’ marriage is perfect, no’ that ye would ken since ye havena ever been married but ‘tis doesn’t mean it’s unhappy,” Her condescending tone was starting to annoy Claire.

“No matter what you say or even do, Jenny, your brother and I won’t be apart again,” Claire crossed her arms as if to shield herself from the pain she felt of this woman’s disdain towards her. Jenny had been her friend once, she even considered her like a sister,  “So you might as well start accepting it for the sake of this family.”

“Ye’re no’ part of this family. Dinna tell me what it needs,” Jenny had the exact same expression on her face as Jamie when he was angry. And Claire couldn’t get past that look in her eyes. A look that was so full of resentment.

“Don’t act like you know what Jamie wants because you don’t. He loves you and values your opinions but he’s an adult and he doesn’t care anymore, he just wants to live his life the way he intended. You lied to him for twenty years, don’t you think he’s disappointed in you?”

“And I’m disappointed in him, ‘tis makes two of us.”

“You convinced me to stay away and then you pushed him into this marriage. Not immediately, I grant you that but don’t tell the idea wasn’t somewhere in the back of your mind this all time.”

“Ye two were too young and no’ ready to face whatever was about to come yer way. Ye were no’ ready to settle and Jamie had other things to accomplish than simply bein’ a boyfriend who waited for ye to have a career. I couldn’t stand by and watch my brother live half a life while ye had fun in Boston and he waited here for ye –”

“You don’t even know what my life was like when I got there!” Claire cut her mid-sentence. She was very calm but simply to mask her anger. She didn’t know when the mask would crack and she’d explode.

“I was a mess and most of it because of you. Geillis was the one who helped me get back up and going because she thought I had a broken heart. Little did she know, I had promised you I would leave Jamie alone,” She tried to control the trembling in her voice as she recalled those first few moments in Boston when she had been a shell of herself.

“I just wanted the best for my brother and ye ken it. Ye knew I was right because ye kept yer word and stayed in America,” The Scot’s tone was cold and detached as if she truly didn’t care about the damages she had made.

Claire was starting to lose the patience she had carefully crafted on her way up here when she knew she would need it but Jenny knew exactly what button to push and the pregnancy hormones were not helping, either.

“You were just jealous because I wanted a career. Yes, I have a career, a great one but I had to mourn a family in the process. You always had this archaic belief that women were either mothers or whores, Jenny. This isn’t the 18th century. Women can have careers and family if they want to. What do you want me to be sorry about, exactly? Loving your brother?”

“Ye dinna love him,” Jenny spat out, “Ye’re usin’ him to be a mother. Ye kent exactly what his and Mary’s struggles to have children were like, I’m sure he told ye and ye saw an opportunity there. Ye had yer career so ye came back to have a family. Ye knew he could never say no’ to ye and ye knew wi’ this child, he’ll be nestled in yer web and leave his wife for ye. Ye succeeded, Claire.”

Claire didn’t exactly know what it had been, then, but she lost all patience and her temper rose, at once.  _Unexpectedly_. Like a volcanic eruption. It wasn’t the words Jenny used. No, those were lies and Claire knew it – simply by the fact Jamie had left his wife before he even knew Claire was expecting their child. It was how much Jenny couldn’t admit to being wrong and tried to inject poison in her thoughts by the same occasion. Poison in order to separate Claire from Jamie again.  

She had felt her hand trembling a couple of times during their heated discussion but each time, she shut it tightly to avoid landing it on Jenny’s cheek. She didn’t know exactly what happened this time.  _Twenty years of repressed anger. The Hormones. Jenny’s condescending tone. Her voice full of fake rebukes._  Nonetheless, Claire’s hand met Jenny’s cheek and a “ _smack_ ” echoed in the hall. Quickly followed by a shriek and then silence.  


	18. Dachaigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! Since this was ready, I thought I’d share it today instead of waiting for Thursday (also dinna fash, the next chapter will come on Thursday, like usual)  
> Thank you, always, for reading! 
> 
> Enjoy <3

_Silence. Thick like a fog, enveloping the air in the hall._

Jenny stood frozen in front of Claire, holding her cheek and looking mildly shocked by what just happened.

Claire stood equally frozen, feeling her hand tingle from the slap and her chest tightly pressed by an invisible weight, “I shouldn’t have done that,” She finally said, her voice calmer and not trembling. She knew she had been wrong but it had been the only way to make Jenny stop with her insensitive remarks and lies. 

“Aye, if ye believe this would get he back on my good side, ye’re sorely mistaken,” Jenny’s eyes shot right through Claire, casting a coldness on her.

“Look, Jenny,” She sighed, “I don’t want to get back on your good side because quite frankly, I don’t believe that would ever be the case. Slap or not.”

Before Jenny could answer, Claire continued, “I shouldn’t have done this but I needed you to stop talking and you were not listening to me. I am not using your brother to be a mother, do you understand that?”

Jenny stayed silent, crossing her arms.

“I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life and we have the opportunity to finally be together again —“

“He had a wife!” She spat out.

“Yes, thank you, I was aware of that fact when I saw him again at the reunion. But what happened between Jamie, Mary and I has nothing to do with you. If anything, you’re the one to blame for making me go in the first place -- ”

“Of course,” Jenny rolled her eyes.

“I don’t want to keep arguing with you, Jenny. We’re both adults and I can put my anger towards you aside for Jamie’s sake, I just hope you can do the same about me.”

“Ye just slapped me, why would I even think about being keen to ye?”

“As I said I shouldn’t have but what’s done is done,” Claire repeated, “Same about what you did to Jamie and me twenty years ago.”

“It was for my brother’s sake,” Jenny brushes past Claire and disappeared down the hall towards the kitchen.

Sighing, Claire rubbed her stomach, giving herself a minute to completely calm down. She shot a look at the stairs, deciding whether or not to go have a rest. Eventually decided on the latter. Instead, she grabbed her scarf and walked out of the house to go for a walk.

She loved Scotland. And it might be an understatement. She didn’t exactly know what it was about the place that made her so happy. _The people. The landscapes. Jamie._  But she had seen her fair share of the world and nothing ever compared to it. After living in Boston for a few years, she had started to trick herself into believing it was home but it had not been the case. It never would be the case.

Home was breathtaking mountain views and gloomy days. Home was the birthplace of Robert Burns and Walter Scott. Home was walks on the Royal Mile and hike up Arthur’s seat. Home was Irn Bru and deep fried everything. 

_Dachaigh._

She had been less than thrilled when Lambert got himself a job at the University of Edinburgh and informed her they’d be moving there permanently. She didn’t see the point of settling somewhere when they had such a fascinating life of travelling the world. She didn’t have a choice, she had been twelve then. In retrospect, it had been the best decision Lambert had ever taken. They settled into a real family routine, with school runs and weekends activities, things they had never done when they travelled around, never staying anywhere long enough to appreciate it, fully.

Thinking about her uncle and what he would think of the situation, Claire couldn’t help but smile as she walked around the estate. He had always adored Jamie. More times than once, he had confined to his niece how he knew they’d finish their lives together and she had agreed, she never had any doubts about this. He died a year before she would leave for Harvard, with the belief his niece would spend her life with a good man. It took her twenty years but she’d finally come around to do it.

Claire realised she was walking towards the little cemetery and decided to pay a visit to Brian and Ellen. She had never met Jamie’s mother but she had loved his father like her own. He had welcomed her into the family with open arms and open heart.

Walking up the little path, she caught a flash of her favourite mop of red hair. Smiling for a brief second, she observed Jamie from afar. He was kneeling down, hand resting on his parents’ grave and eyes closed, lips moving. She waited for a bit, just watching him and absently stroking her bump.

Jamie got up again, after a while and did his cross sign, eyes still glued on the grave.

She started to walk over to him and sensing her, he immediately turned around. His face lit up with a warm smile, “Sassenach,” He held out his hand to her.

Claire grabbed it and went to stand next to him, “I didn’t think I’d find you here.”

“Aye, I thought the distillery could wait a wee bit,” He kissed her cheek, smiling.

She returned the smile before kneeling down in front of the grave and touching it too, silently greeting his parents. She did her cross sign and got up again. Her Catholicism was nominal at best but it was a mark of respect towards the Frasers and Jamie.

Jamie’s arm came around her then and pulled her close.

“Is everything alright?” She looked at him with a smile.

Nodding, he smiled in turn and grazed her forehead with a kiss, “Aye, more than alright.”

She wrapped both her arms around his waist and held him close, nuzzling his neck. He was always so warm, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when your father passed away,” She said quietly, her voice full of regrets. She had learnt the news through Geillis and it had been too late to come to Scotland, then.

“Dinna be,” His grip tightened around her, “Ye would have been if...well ye know.”

Claire nodded, understanding what he meant and looked up at him, “I’ve told you that already but I know he’d be really proud of you. Your mother too.”

Jamie smiled, resting his forehead against hers, “Aye, I hope. They’d be so happy to ken I’ll be a Da soon.”

“Yes they would,” She smiled, cupping his cheeks.

“Are ye alright, mo nighean donn?” Jamie frowned. Claire knew she had a glass face, no matter how much she tried to hide the way she was feeling to him.

“Jamie...about the baby,” She started, seeing his frown deepening, “Your sister guessed it.”

His face relaxed and his mouth curled up into a smile, “Weel, she needed to ken it at some point, I’m glad we dinna have to have another discussion wi’ her today. Even less abou’ it.”

“Well, I had a discussion about it with her and I may or may not have slapped her -- ”

“You slapped her?” Jamie’s eyebrow rose but his face was unreadable. She didn’t know if he was angry or annoyed. If he believed she was just a brat or whatever could go on into his head at that moment.

“I’m sorry, I gave you a speech about not minding her and I truly don’t know what I did such a thing...Well, I know but still, I shouldn’t --”

Jamie burst into a laugh, “A nighean, I canna believe ye did that.”

She watched him, “Jamie, it’s not really funny. I hate to say this but I have to blame my hormones for it. ”

“Aye, surely cause I ken ye wouldn’t hurt a fly,” He smirked, kissing the tip of her nose, “And right now ye feel guilty, not because of the slap, but because my sister will believe ye are a child for gettin’ angry at her like that.”

“Well...yes,” Claire admitted, sighing. She sat on the little bench and watched him, “I didn’t want to lose my temper in front of her. I didn’t want her to think whatever she said to you, to me. To us. Affected me in any way because it didn’t...I know whatever she said to me were lies but my hand met her cheek before I could realise it.”

Jamie sat down next to her and took her hand in his own, “What did she say to ye? I ken ye, Claire, ye dinna go around slapping people.”

“Maybe I do now,” She looked at him, her mouth curling up into a grin.

Jamie chuckled softly, “I doubt ye do, a nighean.”

She leaned against him, “Not that I’m afraid her perception of me could have gotten any worse but still.”

“What did she say to you?” He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her palm.

“She went on and on about how I had this plan to get you to have a child because I knew you and Mary had fertility issues. And that you are only with me because I can give you a child,” She looked at him. 

“Ah dhia,” Jamie let out a frustrated groan, his jaw tightening. He got up at once.

“Jamie, none of it is true,” She grabbed his hand to make it look at her. Which he did.

“You know it, I know it and that’s all that matters. Your sister doesn’t know what happened at the reunion or after it. She doesn’t know what went on in the weeks preceding you leaving Mary and she doesn’t want to hear it, anyway. I got angry and I shouldn’t have, I won’t let you do the same,” She got up, wrapping her arms around his neck and gently touched his cheek.

Nodding, Jamie melted into her touch and relaxed, “I love ye.”

“I love you too,” She smiled, sealing their lips, “Stop being stressed, alright? It’s not good for the baby,” She grinned, making him chuckle.

“Aye, I promise,” He rubbed his nose against hers, “Ye should go and take a nap, now, though.”

Claire shook her head, “First, I want my private distillery tour than we can have a nap. Together.”

“Can we have a nap and then a tour?” He grinned, the tip of his ears turning crimson as his hands travelled down her back to rest on her ass.

“You promised me a tour and it’s not nice to get on a pregnant woman’s bad side,” She smiled, holding him close.

“I’ve heard…” He said, making her laugh.

He kissed her then, slowly and tenderly before whispering, “Come on then, a nighean, let me give ye a tour.”

They walked together hand in hand towards another building near the stables. A place that was in construction when Claire had last been here years ago. They were both unaware Jenny was observing them behind her window.

Brian Fraser’s dream had been to own his own brand of whisky but his illness caught him up as soon as he had started and taken him away before he could do so. Jamie had then meticulously continued what his father had started and turned  _MF Whiskies_  into a respected and award-winning company.

Jamie opened the door for her and let her go first, attentively watching her reaction.

Looking around, Claire smiled. It looked almost like a laboratory with modern machinery and shelves full of bottles. The smell of distilled alcohol hung heavily in the air but it was a pleasant scent.

“Do ye like it, Sassenach?” Jamie came to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Yes,” She smiled proudly, looking at him, “This is exactly what I pictured all those years ago when you and your father told me about your plans for this business.”

“Aye, I hope my Da would approve,” He smiled, kissing her cheek.

“Of course, he would,” She stroked his cheek, “And you know it as much as I do. You took a small family business and kept its integrity while making a very tasteful product everyone raves about. What is there not to be proud of?”

“Ye give me too much credit, a nighean,” He held her close, “I have two people to thank for this whisky to be so good and none of them is me.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, in my opinion. Yes your father started it but you kept it going for twenty years and made it what it is today,” She turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Do ye ken how I know the whisky is ready?” He asked, stroking her cheek with the base of his thumb.

Claire shook her head, smiling.

“When the colour turns out to be exactly like yer eyes,” He licked his lips, leaning down to kiss her.

Claire tilted her head to the side, smirking before he had the time to, “My eyes?”

“Aye,” He smiled, stroking her bottom lip. 

“My eyes are brown, it’s the most boring colour,” She lightly stroked her index finger against his jawline.

Jamie shook his head, almost amused as her ignorance about her own eyes,  “They are no’ a simply brown, Claire. They’re like a dark honey glaze wi’ streaks of gold and the warmest undertones. The first time I looked into them, I got so drunk I dinna ken what was happenin’ to me…When I dinna have ye near me anymore, I thought maybe if I could capture that colour in the whisky, I could stare into it forever and maybe see ye.”

“And? Did you see me?” Her smile widened as her grip on him tightened.

“Sometimes,” He smiled, holding her close by the waist, “But nothin’ compare to the real thing.”

“I would like to taste some of that whisky, Mr Fraser,” She purred, stroking his bottom lip.

“Dr Beauchamp, ye canna have alcohol in such a state -- ”

“I said I wanted to taste it,” She pecked his lips, “Improvise something.”

Grinning, Jamie walked towards the shelves and grabbed one of the bottles. He then proceeded to pour some of its content into a glass and walked back over to Claire.

She watched him, leaning against a barrel, arms crossed and smirking, “You look like a real professional doing that.”

“Och, I like to think I ken what I’m doin’ a wee bit,” His blue eyes locked with hers, a mischievous glint shining through them.

“Why is there no one here? I thought this place was open for tours and tasting,” Claire cast a quick glance around. 

“Only every first weekend of the month,” Jamie explained before bringing the glass up to his lips. He closed his eyes and took a long sip.

“I see,” Claire grinned, watching him. “May I remind you I’m still waiting for my private tasting?”

Jamie chuckled, then. An earthy and warm sound coming directly from his stomach, “Ye have no patience, a nighean.”

“No, I do not,” She grabbed his belt and pulled him closer, leaning up.

“‘Tis no’ good not to have patience,” He leaned down, whispering against her lips.

“Coming from you of all people, uh?” She raised her eyebrow, gripping the back of his neck and bite her lower lip. “That’s very rich, James.”

“James ‘tis? Am I in trouble?” He took another sip of whisky, smirking.

“You might be very soon if you don’t make me taste that right this second,” She tiptoed to kiss him but he pulled away, smirk still stamped on his gorgeous face.

“And bossy wi’ that? Christ, Sassenach,” He pouted, putting his glass on the table.  

“Fine,” She removed his arm from around her.   
  
“I’ll go and take a nap now,” She turned around and started to walk when Jamie grabbed her hand and pulled her closer again. His lips crushing on hers with a force that equalled the tenderness he brought to it. She tasted the alcohol on his lips. Strong and warm, just like him, tingling down her throat.

Claire just melted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck before her knees failed her. Her lips opened to welcome his tongue and start a slow dance with it.

“Jamie…” She pulled reluctantly back for air, her breath hissing.

“Aye,” he whispered against her lips, his eyes turning dark with lust, “How did ye find the whisky?”

“Delicious,” She rasped, licking her lips. “Hands down best whisky I’ve ever tasted.”

Grinning, Jamie slowly removed her scarf and attacked the delicate skin of her neck, “Good to hear.”

Claire let a groan escape her lips as she leaned against the barrel, “Jamie...Wait, wait -- ”

He was already at the task of unzipping her jeans and looked at her, “What?”

“What if someone walks in?” She looked towards the door, slightly worried, yet aroused at the possibility.

“I dinna ken, maybe we should be quick then?” His brow rose and he smirked.

Claire chuckled and kissed him again, her hands reaching between them to open his own jeans and free his erection. In no time, they both had pants and underwear around their ankles.

“I must have ye now or die, Sassenach,” He whispered against her lips, gripping her thigh and wrapping her leg around his waist.

“You always talk too much,” She kissed him again, hungrily and tilted her hips forward to give him more access, pressing him closer with her leg.

He quickly shot a look behind him towards the door to make sure no one was coming in before his eyes locked with hers. In a second, Jamie slid inside of her and made a now noise deep in his throat, “Christ.”

“God, it’s so hot in here, I’m melting,” She mumbled against his lips, gripping his sweater, as he started to move inside of her.

“I’m meltin’ wi’ ye,” Jamie’s lips travelled down her neck and up again to nibble her earlobe.

Claire half moaned and half giggled at the sensation, feeling him deep inside of her. His thrusts started to increase and she closed her eyes. She couldn’t give a fuck if anyone walked in on them at this point. 

Her leg was starting to ache and so was her back pressing so hard against the barrel but that too, she didn’t care about. “Faster,” She moaned into his ear, her hand gripping at his curls and he obliged, nuzzling her neck.

He thrust almost desperately inside of her. Desperate to feel. To make her feel. To fall down from the cliff together. His fingers dug into her skin as he was holding her steady and his lips found hers again.  _Hungrily. Passionately._

Claire came first. Feeling a cold rush taking over her body as a wave of pleasure crashed against her. Jamie quickly followed, letting himself surrender to her, completely. He moaned against her skin, then cursed in Gaelic and Claire couldn’t help but smile, holding him close.

“Very good whisky,” She said, cheeks flushed and smirking. She rested her forehead against him, waiting for her heartbeat to slow down.  

Jamie chuckled, stroking her leg, “Ye wee wild cat, making me do indecent things.”

She hit him playfully, grinning and pulled up her panties and jeans, “I didn’t force you to do anything.”

“Nay, I just canna resist ye,” He kissed her cheek before doing the same, “And no one walked in on us.”

“You almost sound disappointed,” She laughed, fixing his hair.

Smirking, Jamie brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, “Just an observation, is all.”

“We can go and have a nap, now,” She grabbed her scarf from the floor and smiled.

“Aye a wee nap sounds perfect, Sassenach,” Smiling, Jamie grabbed her hand and led her out of the distillery and back towards the main house.

“It’s so obvious we just had sex,” Claire said quietly, laughing as they walked.

“Och, is it eh?” Jamie grinned, kissing her cheek.

Claire stopped in her tracks as they arrived on the porch and it made Jamie almost trip. He followed her gaze and his eyes widened as a sight came into view, 

_“Mary...”_


	19. Divorce Terms

To say that Claire Beauchamp was uncomfortable would be an understatement.  _And a big one._  If she had any doubts Jenny Murray hated her before Mary showed up at Lallybroch, they were now all gone and dissipated.

> _“Mary?” Jamie frowned, looking at her and then at his sister in slight confusion. His face was notoriously unreadable, to the point where only Claire could pick it out._
> 
> _“What are ye doing here?”_
> 
> _“Och weel, I had invited Mary for the lunch before ye showed up wi’…” Jenny looked at Claire quickly, “Wi’ her.”_
> 
> _From the look Mary and Jenny shared, Claire was sure Jenny had called her to come as soon as they had arrived earlier. But she didn’t say anything and, instead, squeezed Jamie’s hand softly, sensing how tense with annoyance he had become._
> 
> _“‘Tis still my house, brother, and Mary is my friend. I’m sorry if ye dinna agree to any of this,” Jenny crossed her arms. “Ian is away for the day, I was just going to spend time wi’ her like we always do.”_
> 
> _“Have yer fun, Janet,” Jamie answered simply and walked inside the house with Claire, ignoring both his sister and his former wife._
> 
> _Claire felt four eyes following her move as she followed Jamie inside, holding his hand tightly._
> 
> _“We’re leaving,” he muttered as they entered the bedroom and he started to look for their bags._
> 
> _He was fuming. Rightfully. But she tried to keep a cool head and approach this with a certain attitude. Trying to ignore the urge she had to go back downstairs and jump on a certain Janet Murray._
> 
> _“Jamie,” Claire closed the door and watched him. “Darling, look at me for a second.”_
> 
> _He turned, looking at her. His eyes were full of anger for his sister — yet, he looked at Claire with the most tender expression. Almost afraid she was about to run off because of this._
> 
> _“Ye ken as much as I do that she called Mary as soon as we arrived here —”_
> 
> _“Yes, I know,” Claire walked over to him and cupped his cheek. “Exactly to rile you up like that. So please, don’t give her the chance to see you angry, alright? One of us slapping her was already too much.”_
> 
> _“At least ye can blame the hormones,” Jamie’s lip flicked up into a smile and he wrapped his arms around her waist._
> 
> _“Well, yeah,” she chuckled softly, wrapping her arms around his neck._
> 
> _“Look, here’s the thing.” She kissed him again. “We don’t have to stay here, we really don’t. I’m not overjoyed to see Mary and even less so that your sister invited her. Though, I’m not surprised,” she rolled her eyes, “but, if we leave now, Jenny will be way too smug about it and I don’t want to give her such satisfaction.”_
> 
> _“How are ye so wise, uh?” He stroked her cheek with her thumb, smiling._
> 
> _“Wise or completely mad, the line between the two is very thin, my darling.” She couldn’t help but smile. She wasn’t thrilled to stay at Lallybroch, but she was too stubborn to let Jenny get away with it again._
> 
> _“I’m just done trying to prove a point to your sister who will never understand it,” she watched his eyes, “I’ve wasted way too much time already trying to accommodate her and I’m done doing it.”_
> 
> _Jamie held her close, kissing her head. “Ye’re right and we were no’ planning to stay for a month anyway.”_
> 
> _“No, thank God,” she grinned, looking up at him. “We’re out of here tomorrow, let me tell you that.”_
> 
> _Jamie chuckled and brought her hand to his lips, “aye, I promise ye, mo nighean donn.”_
> 
> _“Jamie?” She looked at him, the thought suddenly occurring to her. “Do you think Mary knows about the baby?”_
> 
> _“I dinna ken,” he frowned, rubbing the back of his neck._
> 
> _“Maybe Jenny dinna say anything, maybe she will tell her now that she’s here or maybe she kens already —”_
> 
> _“Look, I don’t care about my reputation. I don’t care if people believe I trapped you with this child, because I know you left Mary even before you knew I was pregnant. But you thought you had issues that prevented your ability to have children, and I really feel awful about this situation —”_
> 
> _“Ye’re no’ happy to have a child?” He looked at her, panic creeping into his eyes._
> 
> _“No, that’s not what I said,” she took his hand and sat down onto the bed with him._
> 
> _“I never thought about being a mother when I was in Boston. I never wanted it, but deep down, I always knew I wanted children with you. And you only. I can’t imagine how I would feel if we had troubles and suddenly you ran off with another woman who’s pregnant with your child.” She looked down, eyes swiping the floor._
> 
> _“Claire,” Jamie turned towards her and lifted her chin, “Mary and I were married for five years and we tried to have children, aye, we did. I wanted children, selfishly, but I truly do believe if it didn’t happen, ‘tis was for a reason.”_
> 
> _He continued before she could say anything: “Ye are no’ a bad woman for breaking up my marriage. ‘Tis was broken way before ye came back…Christ, it was broken already before it started. I wasna meant to have children with Mary. I wasna even meant to spend my life wi’ her because I was meant for all that wi’ ye and I always kent it.”_
> 
> _She rested her forehead against his and let his words soothe her guilt, eyes locked on each other._
> 
> _“Nothin’ was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong wi’ Mary. We did all the tests necessary…’tis was just no’ meant to be.” He cupped her cheek and she melted into his touch. A solace._
> 
> _“This,” he kissed her lips tenderly with so much love she almost wept._
> 
> _“And this,” his hand travelled down to her stomach, his eyes getting shiny with tears._
> 
> _“This is all meant to be, Sassenach,” he whispered._

That had been an hour ago. They stayed in the bedroom and napped until Jenny called for them to come downstairs to have tea.

_Tea._  The polite term for  _“Jenny Murray’s way of putting everybody involved in an uncomfortable situation.”_

And uncomfortable, Claire was. Not only did her bladder decide it wanted to burst, but she was now also sitting around a table, her boyfriend’s soon-to-be ex-wife in front of her.

Claire stayed silent as she poured herself some more tea, feeling everyone’s eyes on her, and Jamie tensed next to her. She was on her second mug and barely anyone had talked, save for some of Jenny’s small conversation with Mary as if no one else was there.

“Why did ye ask us for tea, Jenny?” Jamie finally asked after taking a sip of his own tea.

“Weel, since Mary is aroun’, ye two should finally talk about the divorce. Would be nice dinna ye think?”

“Are ye a lawyer, now?” his eyebrows raised in a sarcastic question and Claire had to muffle a laugh in her mug.

“I’m just tryin’ to help since ye’ve hid for two months,” she responded, eyes glued to him as she took a bite of shortbread.

Jamie and Jenny’s fighting was either an explosion scattering everywhere or a game of ping pong, the ball being sarcasm and disguised insults thrown from one side to another. They loved each other dearly. Too much, even, sometimes. And Frasers were notoriously stubborn, hardly giving in until they had the last word.

Jamie looked at Mary. “Ye want to talk about the divorce then? Since yer lawyer barely responded to mine I was starting to wonder if ye really wanted to come to an agreement.”

“What agreement? Ye told me ye’re leaving me everything,” she answered, her eyes stuck to him.  

“Aye, I am,” he nodded, stroking Claire’s leg under the table. “Ye can keep the house and everythin’ in it —”

“That’s not all,” Mary crossed her arms, looking at Claire who had tensed in her seat.

She didn’t know if she was aware of the baby, but if she was, she had not mentioned anything. And Claire was glad of it. They had agreed not to say a word.

“What else do ye want from me? Alimony? The distillery, too, perhaps?”

“Aye,” Mary said firmly. “Ye owe me that much.”

Claire looked at Jamie for a brief moment — she was enraged. “This is preposterous!”

“I dinna think ‘tis any of yer business, Claire,” Jenny stated nonchalantly, which didn’t help matters.

Claire was about to say something but Jamie was quicker.

“‘Tis alright, if ye want the distillery Mary, ye’ll get it,” he answered simply and even managed a smile.

“What?!” Both Jenny and Claire had the same reaction and looked at the redheaded Scot.    

Jamie shrugged. “If ‘tis what Mary wants, ‘tis what she’ll get. I just want a divorce is all.”

“Aye, brother,” Jenny answered almost faintly. “Ye do apparently.”

“But again, ‘tis will be a talk to have wi’ both our lawyers during our meeting next week,” Jamie finished his tea and got up. Looking at Claire, he held out his hand. “Come wi’ me, a nighean.”

Silently, Claire took his hand and got up. It took all she had not to say one word — to stay silent as she followed Jamie out of the dining room and back upstairs to the room. She didn’t say anything until he closed the door.

“Are you bloody serious?!” She looked at him in disbelief. “You cannot give up the distillery to Mary —”

“Claire…” Jamie looked at her.

“You have worked too hard to make it what it is. You have spent too much time making it a success —”

“Claire,” he repeated, crossing his arms.

“You were on the business for fifteen years before you even married her! I won’t let you throw all of this away because of me —”

His lips crushed against hers to make her stop talking. It worked. For a quick second anyway, she melted into him and wrapped her arms around his neck before pulling herself together and looking at him. “I’m serious, Jamie.”

“She willna get the distillery,” he kissed the tip of her nose, smiling. “I had a wee talk about it wi’ Ned the other day and he told me she has no right to it. Not only because I had the company already when I marrit, but my dad was also the one who created it and left all the power to me. No’ even my sister could get it if she tried.”

“So you were just bluffing, then?” She looked at him, eyebrow raised.

“Aye,” he smirked. He looked so smug about it, she almost laughed. “I’m no’ good at poker but I’ve always been told I had the face for it. I thought now was a good time to verify that information.”

“Well, I think it worked. I for one believed you and it took me a lot not to throw the teapot around.”

Jamie burst into a laugh.“I’m sorry, a nighean, I dinna want to make ye mad.”

“It’s alright.” She stroked his chin, relaxing slightly, “I just hope Ned is right because I don’t want you to lose the distillery. I really don’t.”

“Ye dinna understand, do ye?” He watched her, smiling tenderly.

“No, I really don’t,” she sighed, exasperated with him.

“I dinna care what I lose as long as I have ye, Sassenach.” He stroked her hair back, his smile widening. “‘Tis as simple as that. I’m no’ a complicated man, I dinna need much more to be happy.”

Claire cupped his cheeks, bringing his face closer. She rubbed her nose against his, smiling. “You are not just a simple man, James Fraser, but you’re mine and I’m so thankful for it.”

“Only yers, a nighean,” he kissed her tenderly, pulling her close. “Nothin’ or nobody will ever change that. I think we’ve both proven as much.”

“Exactly,” she kissed him back and rested her head on his chest. “And I love you.”

Holding her close, he cradled her head, “I love you sae much, a nighean.”

*********

Claire had been back in Scotland for only a few days but she couldn’t believe this was her life now. Jamie was hers.  _Again_. Nothing would change that.  _Ever_. No matter what the mood had been at Lallybroch, this was it.

Mary had left a while ago. Jamie and Claire had not bothered to go down to say goodbye and, instead, heard Jenny’s farewell and the door closing.

Laying in bed, Claire absently rubbed over her bump and smiled. It was too early to feel anything, but her body had already changed so much. She was already enamoured with a child she had never met, imagining what he or she would look like.

She listened to the water of the shower and Jamie humming a song. He was so tone deaf, it made her smile even more. Along with her own inexistent talent for singing, she hoped their child would not inherit such a trait.  

She grabbed her phone lying on the bedside table and dialled Geillis’ number. She would be awake in Boston by now.

It rang for a few times. Nothing unusual when it came to Geillis Duncan. She was either in surgery or sleeping in late.

“M'eudail!” Geillis picked up enthusiastically.

“Hello, darling,” Claire smiled to herself. “Am I interrupting?”

“Och, no, ye never are!” She could hear the smile in Geillis’ voice. “I have a day off and I was just procrastinatin’ because I went out last night and well…ye can guess the rest.”

“You’re either hungover or there’s a stranger in your bed,” Claire grinned, making Geillis laugh.

“Och, first option. I dinna get any last night, sadly,” the Scot sighed.

“But what abou’ ye? How are things wi’ Jamie and in Edinburgh?”

“Well…we’ve been at Lallybroch since this morning —”

“Jesus fuck! And? Ye’re callin’ me which is a good sign, ‘tis means Jenny has not yet killed ye both. Or at least no’ ye, but ye sound alright so I guess she hasna killed Jamie either —”

Claire laughed, “you are insane but your observations are quite right. We’re both alive and well, thanks. He’s showering and I’m laying in bed.”

“Ye seem in good spirits! ‘Tis good.” Geillis seemed to be walking around her house. “So? Abou’ Jenny?”

“Jenny lost her shit, first on Jamie and then on me. I slapped her and then she invited Mary over for tea,” Claire said casually, rolling her eyes to no one in particular.

“I knew I had to stay in Scotland,” the redhead laughed on the phone, “I fuckin’ knew it!”

“Yes, today’s been quite interesting, to say the least.”

“Wait, but ye’re still there now?”

“Yeah, we’re leaving in the morning,” she mumbled, looking forward to it. “I didn’t want to give her any satisfaction of us leaving because Mary showed up.”

“Weel, there’s somethin’ to be said about English manners,” Geillis smirked, preparing herself some tea or coffee, Claire couldn’t tell.

“It’s not much about my manners, I would have loved to leave earlier, but I knew Jenny would have been too glad.”

“Did ye really slap her?”

“I did…I’m not actually proud of that one but well,” she played absently with a curl.

“Hormones, eh? Though I have to admit, Jenny Murray has a very slappable face, I canna blame ye —”

“Geil!” Claire laughed.

“Anyway, and what abou’ Mary?”

“My time spent with Mary was the most awkward tea time I have ever experienced and I said maybe two sentences. She and Jenny ignored me for most of it until Mary started to talk about the divorce and the fact she wanted the distillery.”

“Who knew Mary MacNab had such nerve?”

“Nerve is the only thing she has right now,” Claire mumbled, “I felt sorry for her before today but now most of my guilt has disappeared. I guess she’s hurt but still.”

“Soon Jamie will be a divorced man and ye two will finally be free —”

“I cannot wait for that,” Claire smiled, resting her hand on her bump.

“How’s my favourite Scot?”

“Jamie? Oh, he’s good given the situation  —”

“I was talkin’ about yer bairn but I’m glad Jamie is doing fine,” Geillis chuckled. “How’s my niece?”

“Your niece or your nephew is doing just fine and making mommy’s boobs looking glorious,” Claire looked down at her.

“‘Tis almost makes me want to have a child, ‘tis sounds cheaper than a boob job.”

“You did not just say that…”

“I have,” she laughed, “but I said almost! A boob job still is more attractive than pushing a child out of my poonany.”

“Geil, I think you should go back to bed.” She closed her eyes for a brief instant, still laughing.

“Fine, fine! But call me again tomorrow, aye?”

“Alright, I’ll do so,” Claire smiled, “bye, darling.”

“Bye, m'eudail,” Geillis said with a tender voice before hanging up.

*********

Jamie watched Claire for a long moment as she slept. She looked so peaceful. Curls scattered on the pillow and breathing slow. She smiled slightly, which Jamie liked to attribute to the fact she was either dreaming of him or their unborn child. He never understood how he managed to live twenty years without her, but the sheer knowledge of not having to do it again was a real balm to his heart.

_Nonetheless, he was restless._

Being at Lallybroch had been even more awkward than what he had imagined, and he didn’t recognize his sister. He was angry.  _Confused_. Sad, even. But he was determined to stand up for Claire and their relationship — something he should have done all those years ago.

He knew it was pointless to look back and hope to have done things differently, but he couldn’t help it. Not after learning what his sister had done.

Jamie carefully got up and covered Claire properly before walking out of the bedroom. He walked downstairs in search of a dram of whisky and sat on the sofa once he poured himself a glass.

They both decided to leave Lallybroch in the morning and drive back to Edinburgh and to the apartment Geillis was kindly lending them.

“Jamie?”

He turned around, not that he needed to see who that voice belonged to.  _He knew._

“Janet,” he watched her, “Canna sleep?”

“I could ask ye the same,”she walked over to the sofa and sat down next to him.

Jamie shrugged, taking a sip of his whisky. Leaning back, he stayed silent and watched the fireplace.

“I’m sorry,” Jenny said after a little while, bursting the silence in the room. “No’ only about today but about everythin.’”

He looked at her, not quite expecting that. He stayed silent, waiting for his sister to continue.

“Twenty years ago, I shoudna have told Claire to stay away…’tis was wrong of me —”

“Aye, took ye along enough to realise that.” He took another sip of his drink.

“If ye are willin’ to leave the distillery to Mary, it means ye truly dinna care about anythin’ else but Claire. I ken how serious ye are about the business,” she stated as she looked at him, “I’m sorry I underestimated ye.”

“Are ye tryin’ to make me change my mind about the distillery? Cause I will give it to Mary if that’s the only way for me to have a divorce,” he lied, knowing full well he would never have to do such a thing, but he was up to a point where, after everything that happened, he didn’t even believe his own sister.

“I’m no’, I’m just sayin’ this made me realise what Claire means to ye. All those years ago, ye two were so young, I thought it wasn’t as serious as it was and I wanted to prevent ye havin’ yer heart more broken than it was already but I was wrong,”

“No matter what ye thought was a good idea or no’, Janet, ye should have never decided for me and Claire.” He put his glass away, looking at her, “never.”

“I ken it now,” she looked down.

“Twenty years, do ye ken how long that is? Twenty years I lived wi’out my heart and in a lie. I lied to myself, I lied to my family, and I lied to Mary when we got married. Just because, once again, ye decided what would be good for me. I’m done wi’ it now. I’m a grown lad and I ken what I want. I always did and I can finally have it.”

“I just hope ye will forgive me in time, brother.”

“In time, aye,” he admitted, “if ye stop taking decisions for me. I dinna think what ye did today was verra wise, either. I’m no’ fool, I ken ye called Mary the second I arrived wi’ Claire this morning, but I’m glad ye can finally realise how wrong ye were.”

“Ye must hate me.”

“Nay, I dinna hate ye, Jenny,” he said sincerely, “but it will take some time before I can forgive ye fully. For everythin.’”

“Aye, I understand but I just hope ye ken it never came from a bad place…I just wanted ye to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Jamie got up, looking at her. “I’ve never been happier than I am today wi’ Claire by my side and our bairn on its way. ‘Tis the first time in twenty years that I can breathe properly, Jenny. Dinna worry for me, I’ll be just fine.”

Nodding, she looked at him, “I’m —”

“Goodnight,” he said softly as he walked out of the living room and back upstairs. He knew he’d forgive his sister one day. Right now, all that mattered to him was Claire. _His sorcha._ And finally being able to build a life with her. 

_A future._


	20. Chapter 20

When Jamie woke up that morning, he felt exhausted — as if he had lived a couple of lives in one night. As if he’d been awake for years, unable to fall asleep when his eyelids grew heavy and tired. He barely dreamed at night; it had stopped the moment Claire left for Boston twenty years ago. He was occasionally haunted by her, but when it happened, he’d spent the night mostly awake — his eyes glued to the ceiling, too scared to close them again in case he’d see her. He fought not to see her again.

However, last night, Jamie dreamed again. It was so vivid, he could swear he had lived what he had seen. What he had felt.  _Claire. Sorcha._  Back in his arms. Plump with their child. It felt so real.

_It felt too real. It couldn’t be a dream._

Jamie let his eyes adjust to the light peeking through the window and patted the bed next to him, feeling the emptiness. The cotton cold.

Finally looking around, he realised he wasn’t at Lallybroch but back in his home in Old Town Edinburgh — just like he was last night when he fell asleep. Even though it seemed to be a blurry and distant memory, he felt something in his chest. A pain. One he had learnt to live with since Claire had gone to America. It was still very much there, pressing against his ribcage until it would finally crack. He felt hollow. Like he did every day in the past twenty odd years.

_Feverish._  Skin warm as fire and blood cold as ice. He was partly shivering and partly battling hot flashes. Jamie flung the sheet away from his body and got up at once, rubbing his face. It wasn’t the first time dreaming of Claire provoked such a drastic reaction, but usually, he could control it. And usually, his dream was less detailed and realistic.

He heard noises downstairs, directly coming from the kitchen. Noises of a kettle boiling and eggs sizzling.  _Humming_. He walked down slowly, almost afraid of what he would find waiting for him.  _Or more so...who._

His steps were hesitant and heavy, making the wooden floor crack under each one. His palms were sweaty and the hall towards the kitchen felt interminable. The humming grew closer and closer, almost ringing in his ears, along with the frantic beating of his heart.

_Then he saw her...and almost fainted._

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” The voice was so soft, yet had a hint of amusement rooted in it. And it was British. With a posh and thick accent. Sophisticated beyond measure.

Claire. Her curls all over the place. Her whisky eyes staring at him. She was wearing flannel pyjamas, the top mostly unbuttoned except for the first two buttons, letting her prominent bump peek out.

“Darling?” Frowning, Claire walked over to him and touched his face, her fingers like electroshock.

It hadn’t been a dream. She was truly here.

“Och, sorry I’m…” He looked at her, letting his sentence die as he relaxed and smiled. “You’re here—”

“Of course I’m here,” she frowned slightly but smiled. She touched his forehead. “You’re burning up —”

He cut her off with a kiss, his hand travelling down to her stomach to rest on it.  

Claire pulled back, smirking, “okay, go on the sofa and I’ll bring you breakfast and something to get your fever down.”

“Aye, doctor.” Smirking, Jamie kissed her cheek.    
  
She quickly poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him. “Come on, sofa, my darling.”

“I like it when ye’re bossy,” he took the coffee and couldn’t help but smile, no matter how aching his muscles were. She laughed, that deep earth laugh of hers and he felt lighter. Happy. Complete.

*********

Claire was thirty weeks pregnant and over it. Not that she didn’t like being pregnant, but it was starting to feel like it had been an eternity. All she wanted now was to give birth and finally meet their ween, as Jamie affectionately called the baby.

In the last months, she managed to move to a new country, find a new job, grow a not-so-tiny human in her womb, and, two weeks ago, move into a new house with Jamie. Their home.

They had lived together before and it seemed just as natural now, sharing a space, shelves, and a closet. Two toothbrushes on the bathroom sink. One big bottle of Aesop mandarin body wash in the shower and another by the bath. A pantry full of snacks — sweet for him, salty for her. A mixture of pieces of furniture. Lamb’s Moroccan rug. A Fraser tartan plaid on the sofa.

The boxes were mostly unpacked and the nursery almost ready for the baby’s arrival, but the last details would have to wait since Jamie decided to come down with the flu.

“I think I’m dyin’, Sassenach,” he said dramatically, laying on the couch as Claire walked into the living room with the breakfast tray.

“You’re not dying,” she grinned, putting the tray onto the coffee table, “and fever never killed anyone—”

Jamie’s brow rose up as he smirked, “are ye sure about that?”

“Wait,” she grinned, “forget it, it has and quite often in the past. Never mind.”

“See,” he pouted, sitting up to make some space for her, “I’m dyin’ and I need my personal doctor.”

“Your personal doctor started her maternity leave already.” Grinning, she sat down on the sofa and wrapped her arms around him, “but I’ll make an exception just for you.”

“I appreciate it, a nighean,” he smiled tenderly, stroking her cheek. “Are ye sure ye should be aroun’ me if I have the flu?”

“I’ll be fine, I’m used to being around people full of germs and my immune system is very strong,” she grinned, kissing his temple. “You’re going to rest and I’ll make sure to take good care of you and give you a lot of vitamins.”

“I dinna ken what I would do wi’out ye,” he grinned, kissing the palm of her hand.

“Well, you would still be sick because I told you not to go running when it’s been so cold outside and you didn’t listen to me, so,” she smirked, handing him a toast.

“I’ll listen to ye next time, I promise,” he smiled, resting his ear against her bump, and started to eat.

Claire took a bite of toast as well and stroked his hair slowly. “Well I don’t want to say I told you so, but I told you so.”

Jamie grinned, looking up at her, “aye, ye did.”

“At least we’re not buried under boxes anymore,” she smiled, looking at him. “It’s good to have a house just for us, and I can’t wait to really make it our home.”

“Oh me too, Sassenach,” he smiled, stroking her belly. “And ye ween, we canna wait to meet ye. I hope ye’ll like yer bedroom. Painted it myself.”

Leaning back, Claire closed her eyes and smiled, feeling the kicks of their child as Jamie was talking to it. They decided to not know the gender, instead choosing to be surprised. The only thing Claire was sure of was that their baby would most likely have a mop of red hair, just like Jamie, and her heart squeezed just thinking about it.

“Hopefully you will finish building the cot before the ween arrives,” she grinned, eyes still closed.

“Och, I will,” he chuckled, “just no’ today, I’m sick ye ken?”

“I ken alright, but it’s just a really bad flu, you’ll be fine very soon.” She touched his forehead, remarking, “your fever is already starting to go down.”

“Should I take somethin’?”

Nodding, Claire kissed his head. “Get some ibuprofen, there’s one on the tray for you.”

Jamie sat up, watching her. “Alright, Sassenach.”

“And then take a nap, it’s going to make you sleepy.” She opened her eyes and looked at him taking a pill with some water.

“Could ye wear yer wee labcoat for me?” His smile turned into a mischievous smirk, making her laugh.

“No,” she grinned, crossing her arms. “Don’t you like my pyjamas?”

“Och, I do.” Sitting down again, he wrapped his arm around her neck. “Wi’ yer wee bump peeking out, ‘tis verra cute.”

“I wouldn’t call my bump wee,” she chuckled, stroking her belly, “I’m huge!”

“Ye’re no’ huge, Sassenach,” he smiled, stroking her cheek, “ye’re full wi’ our child and there isna a sight more beautiful to me, ye ken that.”

“Yes, you say that a lot,” she smiled, holding him close.

“Cause ‘tis the truth.” He kissed the tip of her nose, resting his hand on her belly.

Jamie’s face illuminated suddenly as he felt another kick. He looked down in amazement, just as if it was the first time he felt it. “I’ll never get tired of feelin’ this. Does it hurt?”

“No, it doesn’t,” she stroked his hand, smiling. “It’s actually like someone’s playing the drums against my stomach or redecorating my organs.”

“We’ve got a wee musician on our hands,” she added, closing her eyes.

“Aye,” Jamie said softly, holding her closer. “Did you think about names, Sassenach?”

“Well, I like Quentin, which works for both a boy and a girl. And it was my Uncle’s middle name.”

“Quentin Fraser does sound good, aye,” he smiled.

“What about you? And don’t come with more weird Castle names again, please,” she grinned, looking at him.

“Dalhousie wasna weird, Sassenach,” he chuckled.

“Well Dalhousie sounds like a sneeze and Glamis isn’t much better, sorry to break it to you. Plus, our baby will most likely have twenty-five names, just like you —”

“At least twenty-five, aye,” he laughed, kissing her cheek. “What do ye think of Aila for a lass? ‘Tis means from the strong place and, well, I think ‘tis verra appropriate for a child who’ll have ye as a mother.”

“Jamie, I already cry all the time for nothing, you don’t have to say things like this to make me cry even more,” she bit on her lower lip, trying to prevent the hormonal tears from coming out again, her chin wobbling in the process.

“Aw, mo nighean donn,” he held her close, kissing her head, “‘tis the truth nonetheless, dinna weep.”

“I’m sorry, it just comes up,” she sighed, wiping her cheek, “but I love the name.”

“We dinna have to decide just now, though.” He stroked her hair back. “Maybe wait and see how the ween looks like before we decide, aye?”

Nodding, Claire smiled and kissed his cheek. “Yes, that’s a good idea.”

“Ye wanna go back to bed, Sassenach? After all, we have nothin’ planned today and ye said I had to rest.”

“Yes, let's go back to bed darling,” she sat up slowly.

Jamie kissed her belly before getting up and holding out his hand, “let me help ye.”

“You’re so full of attention towards me, I would climb you if I could.” Sighing, she grabbed his hand and got up.

He chuckled, leading her upstairs. “Ye ken the doctor said we canna and I’m currently on the verge of death, Sassenach.”

“That never stopped you before,” she grinned, looking at him, “but you’re right, you need rest.”

“So do ye,” he kissed her head.

“How are you feeling?” She stroked his chin with her index finger.

“I’m okay,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around her. “When I woke up this mornin’ I dinna ken why but I got scared all of sudden. As if ye were no’ here anymore...as if ye never came back —“

“It happens to me sometimes, Jamie,” she admitted. “I’m always afraid to go to bed and then wake up and realise I never left Boston. Or that everything never happened and I am alone again.”

“Ye’ll never be alone again, Sassenach.” He held her close, cradling her head. “I promise ye.”

“Neither will you,” she looked up, smiling with shiny whisky eyes.

Smiling, he kissed the tip of her nose. “Now get in bed, aye? I’ll join ye in a second.”

“Alright.” Cupping his cheeks, she pulled his face closer and gave him a kiss before getting under the cover.

Claire watched as Jamie opened one of their drawers and took out a little box. “I’ve got a gift for ye.”

“A gift?” She frowned, leaning against the headboard. “What for?”

Jamie didn’t answer at first and got in bed, looking at her. “Weel, I’ve had this for a verra long time, ‘tis overdue.”

He handed her the velvet box, smiling, “come on, open it.”

Claire first looked at him, perplexed, before finally opening the box, her breath catching at the sight inside of it. “Jamie is that…”

“Aye,” he said softly, looking at her, “‘tis from that vintage store we found in Aberdeen twenty years ago. I got it then thinking I’d have use of it one day, I just dinna ken it would take me a while.”

Claire remembered their trip clearly. Their time spent in Aberdeen in a little cottage by the sea. It had been the last summer they had spent together before she left for Boston. She had seen the ring in the shop’s window and simply pointed out to Jamie how beautiful she found it.

“You kept it all those years?” Reluctantly, she took her eyes off the ring to look at him. Still in disbelief, but her smile was warm and tender.

“I did,” he smiled in turn, “I ken how much ye liked it.”

“Thank you,” she leaned closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I love it and I love you,” she looked at him, “so damn much.”

“I love ye too, Sassenach.” He kissed her tenderly, stroking her back, “But ‘tis not all…”

“What?” She frowned.

“Do ye remember at the reunion I asked ye why ye didn’t marry me?’ He looked into her eyes, blue crashing against brown.

“You did...and I said because you never asked me,” she answered softly, a lump forming in her throat.

“Cause I was scared ye would say no…” he continued, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Yes, I remember that but I told you I would have said yes.”

“And would ye say yes now?”

“Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?” Claire’s frown deepened. She grew afraid again that she would wake up all of a sudden.

“Aye, I am, a nighean. I have loved ye since the moment I saw ye. I have spent my life lovin’ ye, even if ye were away from me...now that ye’re back and I’m no’ longer tied to someone else by law, I want to make ye mine, before God and before everyone who will want to witness our love.” He took her hand, his blue eyes moist with unshed tears. “I wanted to ask ye then, no matter if people believed we were too young, but I dinna have the time. Now I do, and I can finally ask ye if ye’ll do me the honour of becomin’ my wife, Claire?”

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear such a question.” Her mouth curled up into a broad smile as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Yes!”

“Thank Christ,” he held her tightly, closing his eyes.

“Shit Jamie, I told you not to make me cry every two minutes,” she chuckled, wiping her cheeks.

“I’m no’ sorry for ‘tis one,” he smiled, kissing her cheek.

“And you’re sure it’s not the fever talking, right?”

“Och no, I promise ye,” he stroked her hair back, “I wanted to ask ye since ye came back, but I needed to wait until Ned confirmed that the divorce was pronounced.”

“Well, we’re engaged, Fraser,”  she smiled tenderly, kissing him again.

“Aye, we are,” he whispered against her lips before taking her hand.

Jamie slid the ring on her finger slowly before kissing the back of her hand. “Perfect.”


	21. The Day Before

Geillis was always late. It was as characteristically her as her ginger hair. She was always late — even when, like now, her plane had landed early....Claire didn’t know why, and after more than twenty years of friendship, she didn’t try to understand it.

She had last seen her friend in Boston six months ago before finally moving back to Scotland, and no amount of phone calls or facetime video chats could replace the actual feeling of having her around. Jamie was the love of her life, but Geillis came pretty close to being the other one. She was the sister she never had. The one person who held her up when she first moved to Boston, devastated from leaving Jamie behind.

The first few weeks in Boston, Geillis made sure Claire was functioning properly — or as properly as possible. Eating, sleeping, going to class. She let her grieve her relationship without drowning in sorrows. She gave her the space necessary to grieve while always making sure she wasn’t letting herself hurt too much. And even if Claire knew she could hear her cry at night, she never commented on it in the morning.

Geillis had been there every step of the way from the beginning of Jamie and Claire’s relationship. And she’d be here now, for their wedding.

“Beauchamp!” The voice was loud, rasped with a hint of too many cigarettes, and belonged to the other mop of red hair Claire loved to see. Geillis might have been in an eight-hour flight, but she looked impeccable as if she was coming from some important seminar.

“You always take so fucking long to get off a plane,” Claire laughed, walking over to her.

“I was flirtin’ with the security agent,” the Scot said casually, grinning, making Claire laugh.

“Of course you were,” Claire shook her mass of curls before hugging her friend tightly.

“Och weel, ye ken me,” the redhead smirked, holding her close, “I’ve missed yer face!”

“And I’ve missed yours,” Claire looked at her with a grin. “Look at you all dressed up. I love the fact you still dress for flights as if it was the sixties when you could simply wear sweatpants or leggings now.”

“Over my dead body,” she rolled her eyes, “I dinna want to show the men they won by wearing such pieces of clothing if we can even call them that —”

Claire couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t the first time Geillis had told her this. “Right.”

Geillis took a step back, her lip flicking up into a smirk, “and look at ye!”

“I know, I’m huge.” Smiling, Claire looked down at herself, resting her hand on her belly.

“Well newsflash, ye’re about eight months pregnant so that tends to happen,” the redhead smirked wider.

Claire grinned, nudging her, “alright, shall we be on our way?”

“Aye, m'eudail,” Geil kissed her cheek and took her suitcase before following Claire outside of the airport.

“How was the flight?” Claire asked, walking towards the parking.   

“Like any flight, boring and full of vulgar people,” she rolled her eyes, following her. “I was lucky enough for the lad next to me to take off his shoes for the entire thing. I wonder why I book first class when this shit still happens —”

“Oh so no romantic love at first sight with the man next to me on the plane kind of thing?” Pouting, Claire looked at her and opened the car.

“Something tells me ye’ve been spendin’ way too much time watchin’ rom-coms on Netflix,” she grinned, putting her bag on the back seat.

“Well I’m home all day while Jamie is at the office, so I’ve got time to kill,” Claire remarked with a smile.

“You need me to be around more,” Geil grabbed the keys from her hand and got into the driver’s seat.

“Well yeah, no shit,” Claire chuckled, getting in the passenger seat, “I miss having you around all the time! And no, facetime isn’t the same thing — ”

“I’ve been thinkin’ about that, actually,” Geillis grinned, starting the engine. “You’re going to give birth to my niece —”

“Or nephew,” Claire added, chuckling.

“To my niece,” Geillis repeated with a grin, “and yes, this child will have pretty cool parents but she will need auntie Geil around because ye know, who wouldn’t want that? So I thought I could ask for a transfer at the hospital…”

“You already asked for it, didn’t you?” Claire couldn’t help but grin widely, looking at her.

“Guess who’s movin’ back to Edinburgh?!” The Scot looked at her.

“Look at the road! I’ll hug you once we’re home,” Claire chuckled, leaning back.

“Fine, fine,” the Scot smirked, turning her eyes back to the road. “So, are ye excited about tomorrow? Nervous? Scared?”

“You know, it’s a tiny church wedding and I’m not really scared of anything going wrong with it. I’m also not scared that Jamie will run off before it starts, so I’m feeling really good. It’s been a long time coming —”

“Aye, I was gonna say it took ye long enough! But I’m glad ye two are finally tying the knot and I’m verra proud to be part of it. I know ye said it wasn’t fancy, but my outfit is fire.”

“I can’t wait to see that,” Claire poked her arm.

“What are ye wearin’?”

“Linen wrapped dress — white, of course. And you’re going to love my shoes —”

“If they aren’t Hangisi Manolos, we can’t be friends anymore.”

Claire couldn’t help but laugh. “You know me so well. Of course, they are!”

“Which colour? The blue ones you sent me? Or the light greys?”

“Light greys, cause I plan to keep wearing them with denim and what not once my child is out of me.”

“How excited are ye for that, huh?”

“So excited! A few more weeks and the ween will be here. The house is finally cleaned up, the room is mostly done, and we’ll be married before the birth. It’s all good.”

“Do ye really not know the gender? Or are ye just not tellin’ me to annoy me?”

“No, we really don’t know. We wanted to be surprised.”

“Boy or girl, ‘tis gonna be ginger,” Geillis smirked proudly, making Claire laugh.

“Yes, that’s for sure.”

**********

When Claire woke the next morning, she knew she wasn’t home. The bed was empty and the side next to her was cold. Not that she was surprised since she had spent the night at Geillis’ apartment to respect the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony. The only tradition they would respect.

They had talked long and hard about what kind of wedding they wanted, and with not many people attending, not even Jamie’s sister, they decided a little church would be more than enough. Then, a roast at the pub, and it would be perfect. They didn’t care, they simply wanted to be married as soon as possible.

She woke up before her alarm clock so she decided to laze in bed for a few more minutes, just relaxing and stroking her baby bump. Feeling a kick, she couldn’t help but smile. “Good morning, wee lamb. Slept well?”

_Another kick._

“I take it as a yes,” her smile widened. “Thank you for letting me sleep decently, by the way. It’s greatly appreciated.” She had only woken up two times to go to the bathroom which, frankly, wasn’t much compared to other nights.

“M'eudail,” came from Geillis’ voice outside of the door as she softly knocked.

“You can come in,” Claire sat up slowly, still rubbing her bump, and watched the door open.

“Breakfast for the bride to be,” the Scot announced with a broad grin, holding a tray full of food and tea.

“You are the best, how many times can I say that?”

“Never enough.” Grinning, she sat on the bed, putting the tray between them.

Claire leaned in as close as she could and simply hugged her friend tightly. “I love you.”

“I love ye too,” Geillis smiled, holding her close, “but don’t tell anyone I hug and show emotions please.”

Claire couldn’t help but laugh, even with her damp eyes full of emotions, “I never betrayed you for all these years, have I?”

“‘Tis true,” she grinned, kissing her cheek, “why are you crying?”

“I’m not!” Claire wiped her cheeks, “I mean I am but it’s not because I’m sad. It’s actually the contrary. I just realised that, without you, I would probably still be in Boston and miserable, without Jamie nor a child on the way.”

“Just because I asked you to come to the reunion?”

“You didn’t ask, you practically forced me,” she chuckled, taking a toast.

“Fine, I did,” she grinned, sipping some tea, “and I dinna regret one thing.”

“Then you made me go back to Scotland after the accident and, yeah, overall you’ve been there for me, no matter what. I’ll never forget that.” Claire smiled, squeezing her friend’s hand.

“Ye always said I was like yer sister. Weel, sisters are annoying and make ye do things ye dinna want but in the end, it works out. I’m verra proud of myself,” the redhead winked before getting up. “I’ll go take a shower while ye finish that and then we’ll get ye all ready and cute for yer big day!”

“Do that,” Claire smiled, leaning back against the headboard.

“Before I forget,” Geillis reached in her bathrobe pocket and handed Claire a little envelope, “a certain Fraser gave that to me after dinner last night to give to ye today.”

“Thanks, Geil,” Claire grabbed it and smiled.

“Anytime, m'eudail.” Winking, Geillis disappeared out of the bedroom and closed the door.

Quickly, Claire finished her toast and opened the ivory envelope addressed to “Sassenach” — heart already so full, it was about to burst. She unfolded it slowly and started to read:

_“Claire,_

_I have thought about writing this letter since I was about sixteen. Actually, I started thinking about this letter approximately two minutes after you talked to me for the very first time. I’ll never forget that day. The moment you sat down next to me and I felt like a piece I knew was missing from my heart finally appeared. Of course, I had seen you outside the school that morning and wondered who you were. I even asked God if he could put you in my class, and I wasn’t disappointed._

_Just thinking about finally calling you “my wife” brings me a joy I cannot describe. I want to weep at the simple idea because that’s how happy it makes me. I’ve lived half a life for the last twenty years. A life haunted by the memory of you. Your smile. Your laugh. Your scent. You. Now, I wake up in the morning and the first thing I see is your face — or your mass of curls,”_  she stopped, laughing at that observation.

_“And there is nothing more beautiful to me than the sight of you carrying our child. I could try and tell you just how much I love you, Claire. But I don’t believe there are enough words to describe it even if I tried._

_You are everything to me, Claire Beauchamp. You, and now the bairn._

_I’m sorry we have wasted the last twenty years. I would give all I have to go back in time and do it all over again. Not only to follow you to Boston but also simply to relive our first kiss. I promise you we won’t waste the next twenty years. Nor thirty. Nor forty. Forever is a long time, but it’s not long enough when it comes to us._

_Tha gaol agam ort, mo nighean donn.”_

Claire finished reading and could barely see through her tears. He was right. There were no words to describe just how much they loved one another. A love that endured twenty years and didn’t fade. It grew and would keep growing until death do them part.

In a few hours, she would finally be Mrs. Claire Fraser.


	22. The Frasers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire finally tie the knot!

Jamie Fraser had married before. He had woken up on the morning of his first wedding -- a nervousness gripping his entire body. He had been anxious. A weight pressing against his chest.  _Heavy. Suffocating._  And everyone told him it was the normal thing to feel.  _But he knew it wasn’t._

He had known he wasn’t with the right woman. He had known the love of life wasn’t Mary McNab. He had known it all, yet, he had gotten married anyway. Simply because he felt alone and saw no end to his misery. He couldn’t go to Boston. He didn’t even know if Claire still wanted him.

Now, almost six years after the day of his first wedding, he was finally going to marry the love of his life. And when he woke up that morning, there wasn’t an ounce of nervousness in his body.

Jamie woke up before his alarm had the time to go off but stayed in bed for a while, simply letting the sun dazzle him. Stretching, he leaned up and grabbed his phone resting on the bedside table, smiling once he noticed an unread message from Claire.

Sitting up slowly, he opened it, his smile growing even wider at the picture Claire had sent him. It was a picture of her bump, taken while she was laying down, with the text:

_“I can’t see my feet anymore. It’s because of you, let’s be honest. It’s fine, I love you. The ween loves you and we’re really excited for later! <3”_

He couldn’t help but chuckle as he read. He was in awe of Claire. Carrying his bairn and being so chill about it. He never doubted her strong-mind but seeing her blossoming during the last few months, voicing her fears and her hopes for this child - _\- their child -_ \- he was so glad she was the person who was meant to share such an experience with him.

Jamie was about to get up when his phone rang, the screen lighting up with the name “ _Jenny_ ” -- Since their weekend at Lallybroch a few months back, Jamie had barely talked to his sister, other than the polite greetings whenever he visited the distillery.

“Hello?” He picked up and sat up in bed.

“‘Tis me, Jamie…”

“Aye, I ken ‘tis ye, I’ve seen yer name on the screen,” He leaned back against the headboard.

“Right,” His sister answered, a bit embarrassed, “Look, I’m just callin’ because Ian told me about the weddin’ a few days back and I wanted to wish ye good luck.”

“I dinna need good luck, Claire is goin’ to show up, Jenny,” He rolled his eyes.

“I ken, I meant I wanted to wish ye to have a good day is all.”

“Well thank ye, then. ‘Tis means a lot to me comin’ from ye, Janet.”

“Aye, good,” He could hear her smile on the other receiving end. “And to Claire as weel, of course.”

“I’ll tell her too,” He was actually touched by his sister’s phone call. He knew she probably wasn’t very happy not to be invited and yet, she made an effort to be cordial.

“Weel I willna keep ye much longer, I bet ye have to get ready and all --”

“Aye, I need to,” He smiled, then, imagining Claire in her dress. “Tell Ian and the kids hello for me, alright?”

“I will, brother,” She agreed, “Goodbye --”

“Bye --”

“Oh and Jamie?”

“Aye?”

“Come over wi’ Claire sometime, okay? Before the bairn is born. I’d like to have ye both for dinner maybe? Or ye can stay for the weekend. Whatever ye two prefer.”

“I’ll tell Claire and we’ll let ye know if we have a minute, aye.”

“Perfect.”

Jamie hung up after a few seconds, putting his phone aside. He felt a little guilty about not having his sister at the ceremony. Just a tad. Claire actually had told him many times to invite her but Jamie selfishly wanted their wedding day to be just for them. He didn’t need a reminder as to why they had spent most of the last 20 years apart. He was slowly forgiving Janet. But he was aware It would take him some time.

*******  
**  
Jamie arrived at the little church around fifteen minutes after ten. Dressed in his formal kilt and a perfectly ironed white shirt. He had stopped by Claire’s favourite florist shop to get her a bouquet of peonies and after a quick chat with the priest, he was now waiting on the step by the entrance. **  
**

He checked his watch once, nodding at the fact she should be here very soon. Their ceremony started at 10:30. If he had not felt nervous before, right now he was starting to get sweaty palms and a racing heart.

Not because he was afraid she couldn’t show up but because the moment he had thought about since he was seventeen was finally here.

Jamie heard footstep and looked up at once.

“Relax mate, ‘tis just me,” Rufus, one of his best friend and witness, grinned broadly.

Jamie smirked, “I am relaxed.”

“Good,” The fellow scot hugged him and patted his back, “And I told ye I wouldna be late!”

“Thank ye for that because wi’out a witness I canna get married,” Jamie chuckled and sat down again.

Rufus sat down in turn, “Och I ken, ‘tis why I made an effort. And also because I dinna want to be fired on Monday.”

“Verra smart of ye,” Jamie leaned back, smirking.

Rufus had been working at the distillery from almost the beginning. He had been a big part of growing the business and he was practically Jamie’s right hand, alongside being the advertising manager. He had also attended his first wedding.

“I have to admit, ye do seem far more relaxed than the last time,” He said softly, looking at the groom to be.

“I canna fault ye there,” Jamie nudged him, his eyes glued to the door again. “But let’s no’ talk about my first wedding today.”

“Och, sorry,” Rufus smiled, patting his back. “Also stop starrin’ at that door, she’s goin’ to show up, lad.”

“I ken,” Jamie said smugly.

“Or maybe she willna,” Rufus said sternly, looking at him again.

Jamie nudged him, chuckling, “Fucking stop. She will!”

“I will what?” Claire stood in front of the two men, Geillis next to her. She was smirking broadly. Hair a mess around her face. Face glowing. She looked breathtaking. So much so, Jamie blinked a few times before he could say anything.

“A nighean,” Getting up, he took her hand and smiled widely, “Christ, look at ye...”

“Well look at you!” Claire answered, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Isn’t she gorgeous?” Geillis chimed in, grinning.

“The most beautiful,” Jamie said softly before he sealed their lips softly. “No offence to ye Geilllis, ye look great too --”

“None taken, Rambo,” The redhead smirked, watching them. Her eyes travelled down to Rufus and she was about to say something flirty but somehow nothing came out.

“Och ‘tis my friend Rufus McNeil, Geil. He works wi’ me at the distillery,” Jamie introduced them, “And Rufus, “tis Claire’s best friend, Geillis Duncan.”

Standing up, Rufus smiled, “Nice to meet ye wee fox.”

Geillis let out a giggle Claire never heard her made before, her cheeks blushing furiously, “Nice to meet you too --”

“If ye two are quite ready?” The priest walked over to them, a broad smile on his face.

“Aye,” Jamie said, smiling widely and presented her the bouquet, “Are ye ready, Sassenach?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, my love,” Claire sealed their lips once more and took it, “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”

Jamie winked -- blinked both eyes at the same time, looking like he was about to sneeze -- and took her hand to follow the priest. They were closely followed by Geillis and Rufus who seemed like two old friends already.

**********

The ceremony had been brief but oh so full of love. Jamie and Claire exchanged quick vows and matching gold bands before sealing their love and promises with a kiss, before God. While Geillis and Rufus cheered on.

The quartet then made their way towards the local pub to share lunch, drinks and laughs.

“Look at them,” Claire smirked, her eyes in the direction of Geillis and Rufus who were the only two people dancing in the pub. “I think we might have another wedding very soon.”

“Och ye think, Sassenach?” Jamie wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer.

“I have never seen Geillis like that,” Grinning, she looked up at Jamie and sealed their lips. “She is smitten, my lad.”

“Rufus is a good lad,” He kissed her head, smiling, “I can only wish them a lifetime of happiness if they ever decide to get together.”

“Well first, Geillis is going to decide if she wants him in her bed or not. Which given the look on her face right now, indicates she indeed has decided that the second she had seen him --”

Jamie chuckled, “I see.”

“But something tells me she won’t kick him out in the morning,” Claire smiled, taking a sip of water.

“I’m sure ye’ll be the first one informed of the events, no matter what.”

“Oh for sure,” Claire smirked, kissing his cheek.

“How are ye feelin’, Mrs Fraser?” His smile grew as he spoke those words and Claire couldn’t help the giddiness in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t think she’ll ever be used to hear herself called like that.

“I have chips and a husband whose lips’ taste of whisky, I couldn’t be better,” She said softly against his lips before kissing him tenderly.

Smiling, Jamie fed her another chip and kissed the tip of her nose.  

“You even feed me,” She sighed happily, “You are the perfect husband, James Fraser.”

“I’m glad ye think so,” He grinned, holding her close and rested his hand on her bump.

Claire closed her eyes, nuzzling his neck. In his arms, no matter the time or the place, she felt safe. Home. Nothing ever equalled the feeling. Nothing ever would.

“Do ye think we should leave these two lovebirds alone so we can go and start our own honeymoon?” He drew patterns on her back, smiling.

“Yes, let’s do that,” She kissed his cheek, “I don’t want to be here when they’ll start having sex on the bar --”

Jamie laughed and got up, offering his hand, “Come, then.”

Claire grabbed his hand and got up slowly, resting a hand on her bump, “I can’t wait to get those heels off.”

“I’m goin’ to pamper ye, a nighean,” Jamie wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her cheek. “Bath, massage, wee kisses…”

“Sounds like heaven,” Kissing his cheek, she smiled. “Let’s inform the two horndogs we’re leaving.”

**********

The cab stopped in front of an hotel and Jamie paid before getting out and helping a frowning Claire out of it, “I thought we were going home.”

“Ye dinna think I was goin’ to let us spend our honeymoon at home, Sassenach?” He smiled, leading her inside.

“Well I actually did,” She smirked, “I saw nothing wrong with that!”

“Aye I ken but I wanted somethin’ special for the weekend and since we canna go too far in case someone decides to arrive early, I thought a wee staycation in the city would be alright.”

“But --”

Jamie cut her off with a kiss, “Our bags are already waitin’ for us in the room.”

“Fine,” She rubbed her nose against his, “I’ll shut up now.”

“Thank Christ,” He patted her bump as they started to walk again.

Claire chuckled and nudged him before she followed him first to the reception and then to the room.

“We can agree that you aren’t going to lift me up and walk me in, right?” Claire leaned against the wall, watching him open the door.

“We can agree,” Jamie kissed her and smiled, “After ye, Mrs Fraser.”

Claire grabbed his hand and walked into the room with him, looking around. They were on the last floor of the Balmoral hotel and the suite had the most breathtaking view over Edinburgh.

“Damn,” Claire made wide eyes and turned to look at him.

“Only the best for my wife,” He smirked, walking over to her.

“You do love to say that, uh?” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close.

“‘Tis my new favourite thing to say, a nighean. Ye're my wife, now,” He whispered against her lips, his hand reaching between them to pull on her dress belt.

“What did you just do?” Her eyebrow flicked up before she looked down at herself.

“I promised ye a bath, I was just startin’ to undress ye…’Tis a beautiful dress but it’ll be even better laying on the chair or the floor.”

“Fine, then,” Claire pulled back and removed first her shoes and then, her dress. She let it slip on the floor and watched his eyes grew wide at the realisation she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Laughing proudly at her achievement, she walked to the bathroom.

“Ye’re an evil woman, Claire Fraser!” He followed her quickly.

“You started it,” Claire put on a bathrobe and sat down on the closed toilet, hands resting on her belly, “I’ll be waiting for my bath now. Wait no, first I’ll be waiting for you to drop the kilt,” She smirked.

“Ye wee sneak,” He chuckled, reaching for his belt.

“Do it slowly,” Leaning back, she bit her lower lip.

“Bossy wi’ that, Mrs Fraser?”

“Indeed. Very bossy.”

Without a word, Jamie turned on the water in the bath and turned around again to face her. Slowly, he started to unbutton his shirt. Button by button.

Claire watched, smirking, “Great unbuttoning skills, my lad.”

“Thank ye kindly,” He smirked, removing his shirt and throwing it at her.

“Grrr,” She grinned, holding it. “Kilt. Now.”

“Anythin’ for ye, Sassenach,” Jamie blew her a kiss and winked. His famous wink of his that only made her laugh harder.

He unbuckled his belt and took it off, letting it drop on the floor. Slowly - _\- too slowly for Claire’s tastes -_ \- he started to pull down his kilt. Before he could go very far, he stopped and turned off the running water.

“Hey! You’re busy doing something else,” She pouted, watching him.

“I’m makin’ sure the bath isna too hot for ye, first,” He grinned, tasting the water with his fingers. “‘Tis good.”

“Great now get back to your pressing task, please,” She pouted harder, crossing her arms.

Without a word, Jamie stood in front of her and pulled down his kilt completely, showing her once again that he was, in fact, a real Scotsman.

“Now we’re talking,” Claire got up, licking her lips. “I love Scotland, in case you didn’t already know.”

Chuckling, Jamie stepped out of his kilt and removed his shoes, “I ken ye do, Sassenach. Scotland loves ye back.”

Smirking, she kissed him and removed her own bathrobe, “Can we bathe now, Mr Fraser?”

“Oh aye, Mrs Fraser...but first,” Kneeling down in front of her, he pulled down her panties and kissed her bump.

“Now we can,” Jamie got up again and offered her his hand, “After ye. Be careful while gettin’ in, please.”

Claire kissed his cheek and took his hand, slowly getting into the tub. She waited until Jamie got in behind her and leaned back against him, smiling.

“I got the hotel room wi’ the biggest bath so we could do this,” He whispered in her ear before kissing the spot behind it.

“It’s perfect,” She smiled, closing her eyes.

Jamie wrapped his arms and legs around her, resting his hands on her prominent bump. Claire felt the cold metal of his wedding band against her skin and she smiled.

“Jamie?”

“Aye?” He watched her, stroking her belly.

“I love you,” She said softly, kissing his cheek.

“And I ye, Sassenach,” He smiled, holding her close. “When the day shall come, that we do part, if my last words are not 'I love you'—ye'll ken it was because I didna have time.”


	23. Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks after their wedding day, Jamie and Claire drive up to Lallybroch upon Jenny's invitation.

The drive to Lallybroch was mostly silent. Jamie was busy humming songs while Claire napped in a state of half-consciousness next to him. She woke up in the morning feeling heavy and tired, which wasn’t surprising for someone who was 38 weeks pregnant. Not very enthusiastic to go and have afternoon tea at Lallybroch, she decided to make an effort, anyway. Jenny had asked them to come nicely, two weeks ago and Jamie had promised her they wouldn’t stay too long.

She knew he wasn’t much more enthused of the idea of going, either. But for once, Jamie put aside his stubbornness and she had to give him some credit for it. No matter what, she was there to support him in whatever decision he took about his relationship with his sister.

Claire opened her eyes after a while, still feeling the car in motion. Yawning, she rubbed her face and looked at Jamie, smiling sleepily, “Hey.”

“Hey, Sassenach,” Jamie took her hand and brought it to his lips, smiling. “Slept well, a nighean?”

Nodding, she sat up straighter, “I should sleep in the car, I’m at least more comfortable than laying down in bed.”

“No long anymore until ye’ll feel comfortable sleepin’ again, Sassenach --”

“Hoping your child is as good a sleeper as you are,” She grinned, holding his hand.

“I’m sure the ween will be,” He smiled, “If no’ I’ll just start to sing and the ween will have no choice but fall asleep for auto-defence.”

Claire couldn’t help but laugh at that, “Probably, yes. And me along with him or her.”

“Now ye’re just bein’ mean,” He pouted slightly, turning to drive on the path towards the estate. Jamie was notoriously tone-deaf and couldn't sing properly to save his life. 

“You said it first,” She kissed his cheek, smiling. “But, change of subject. Do you think your sister is planning something? Or did she actually just invite us for tea?”

“I dinna ken, Sassenach,” He said sincerely, “She seemed sincere on the phone but I’m prepared for everythin’ wi’ her --”

“Don’t forget you owe me money if she invited Mary to join us again,” Claire couldn’t help the slight chuckle escaping her lips.

“‘Tis actually no’ funny,” Smirking, he looked at her briefly.

“Well, it might be slightly because you are smiling so. And I’d rather laugh about that than cry, my lad,” She patted his leg and looked out the window at the sight of Lallybroch coming into view.

“Ye’re right,” He sighed, “Ye always are, anyway.”

“Yes, exactly and our marriage is going to work simply because you are aware of such a fact.”

Chuckling, Jamie parked the car and looked at her once he turned off the engine. He leaned towards her and sealed their lips, “Ye talk a lot, a nighean.”

“A lot, yeah,” She answered, whispering against his lips.

“How are ye feelin?” He stroked her cheek, “That back hurtin’ ye still?”

“I’m alright, I’m just uncomfortable but that won’t go away until I give birth so,” She kissed him again, “Don’t worry, I’ll lay down if I really don’t feel good, I promise.”

“And we can go home whenever ye want,” Jamie kissed her temple and she nodded.

He quickly got out of the car, circling it to go and open her own door, “Come Mrs Fraser.”

Claire took the hand he was offering her and slowly got out of the car, hand resting on her back, “Thank you, darling.”

Smiling, Jamie kissed her temple and closed the car’s door before taking her hand again. Together, they walked towards the house, relaxed and happy. Claire was truly not nervous, unlike the last time she had come here and the disastrous two days they had spent at Lallybroch.

Now, she was Mrs Fraser and no matter what, she knew it weighed in Jenny’s mind -- not that she cared what her sister in law thought about her.

Jamie opened the door and let her in first, closely following behind.

“Gimme yer jacket, Sassenach,” Jamie helped her out of it and hung it on the coat hanger by the stairs.

Claire turned around, smiling and kissed him, “Thanks, my lad.”

Pulling her closer, Jamie wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss, feeling her smile against his lips.

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted them. Claire slowly turned her head towards it to find Jenny Murray standing by the doorframe of the living room, a soft smile on her lips.

Jenny looked far less smug than the last time she had seen her. But more relaxed and seemed to look at Claire with warmth in her eyes, this time.

“Hi, Jenny,” Claire said, returning the smile.

“I dinna hear you two comin’ in,” She walked over to them, still smiling. Actually, having her smile like that reminded Claire of that moment in the Addams Family when Wednesday forced herself to smile at summer camp. It was slightly creepy.

“Weel how was the drive wi’ the rain?”

“Not too bad,” Jamie answered, taking off his jacket.

“Good to hear. I hope the rain will stop soon,” Jenny smiled, “Weel come on in, the tea and pastries are waitin’ in the livin’ room.”

Claire shared a quick look with Jamie before they both followed his sister toward the living room. It wasn’t every day she’d see Jenny Murray tamed and actually discreet, she intended to take advantage of such a situation.

Everyone sat down on the Chesterfields of the living room, table set with multiple snacks and delicacies to go with the tea. It was quite awkward, at first. No one really knowing what to do or say.

Claire decided to break the ice, “So how are you, Jenny?”

Her question seemed to startle Janet more than she had actually thought it would but she simply smiled and waited for her answer, holding Jamie’s hand.

“Och verra weel,” She smiled in turn, her body relaxing. “And ye? How’s the pregnancy going?”

“It’s getting a bit long but it’s going well,” Claire stroked her bump, smiling politely.

“Do ye ken what the bairn will be?” 

“Nay, we wanted a surprise,” Jamie answered and finally smiled at his sister. It wasn’t the widest one but it was a start.

“I’m sorry Ian couldn’t be here today, he’s up to London for work for the weekend and the bairns are visitin’ their grandparents,” Jenny started to pour some tea and handed Claire a cup.

“Thank you,” Claire took it and smiled.

“We arena goin’ to stay long, anyway. Claire is tired and she shouldna be exhaustin’ herself too much --”

“I’m fine,” She rolled her eyes but smile, looking at him. “Really, I am.”

Jamie grinned and kissed her cheek, “Alright, if ye say so Sassenach.”

Jenny watched them, sipping her tea, “What else is new wi’ ye both?”

“Weel I wanted to talk to ye because Claire and I want to build a wee cottage on the property for when we want to stay at Lallybroch. Wi’ the bairn and all, it willna be verra handy to have my old room.”

“That’s a good idea, brother. Ye ken ‘tis place is as much yours as it’s mine, ye dinna have to ask me permission.”

“It isna for right now because we’ll be busy after the birth but we asked Rupert to make some plans to see what we could do and what no’,” He ate a scone, hand still holding Claire’s.

“Aye, of course,” Jenny smiled. “‘Ian can help ye wi’ it too, whenever ye start the project.”

“How are the bairns?” Jamie asked, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Growin’ too fast. Ye’ll see how it goes. One day they arrive and the next they’re eighteen and about to leave for university!” Jenny chuckled softly. The atmosphere in the room starting to lighten. 

Jamie smirked, looking at Claire before turning back to his sister, “I ken aye but I dinna want to think about that or I’ll start worryin’ --”

“You two let me give birth first before we start talking about this child’s university career,” Claire nudged him before resting her head on his shoulder.

“When is yer due date?”

“In about two weeks,” She smiled, “We had our latest appointment at the hospital a week ago and everything is going well.”

“Good to hear,” Jenny said sincerely, “I canna wait to see the bairn.”

“The bairn is currently pushing against my bladder so you’ll have to excuse me for a minute,” Claire smiled and got up slowly before going to the bathroom.

Jenny watched her walk out and turned back to her brother, “Thank ye for comin’...”

“Thank ye for askin’ us to. And for callin’ the day of the weddin’ -- Meant a lot to me, Janet,” Jamie reached out and touched her hand. 

“I’m sae sorry for how I acted when...Weel, ye know,” Her eyes dropped to look down at their hands.

“Ye already apologised to me, Jenny,” He leaned back, watching her. “‘Tis no’ to me ye should say those things again.”

“Aye, I ken,” She admitted, looking at him. “Would ye leave me and Claire alone for a wee bit? I’d like to talk to her, just the two of us.”

“Should I be worrit?” His eyebrow flicked in amusement, making his sister relax. The teasing was back. It was already a good sign.

“I promise I willna start arguin’ again,” She smiled.

“Och, fine,” He smiled, getting up. “I’ll go and check on the distillery while ye two talk then.”

“But come here, first,” Jamie opened his arms.

Getting up, Jenny hugged him tightly and held him close for a while, not saying a word.

The tall Scot kissed his sister’s head and smiled, “See ye in a bit.”

Nodding, she quickly wiped her cheek and sat down again, “Aye.”

Claire returned a couple of minutes later, with the knowledge she’d probably need to pee again in about ten minutes. Her heart flinched slightly seeing Jenny sitting alone in the living room. Her mind started to race, wondering what might have happened between the siblings again.

“Dinna worry, I sent him away,” Jenny said with a smile, “I wanted to talk to ye, alone.”

“Am I in trouble again?” Claire couldn’t help but grin, sitting down slowly.

“No,” Jenny got up and sat down next to her, “I wanted to apologize --”

“Oh.”

“For the way I treated ye when ye were here last. I shouldn’t have called Mary to come over. And also, for what I did all those years ago,” She started, taking her hand.

“I had no right to say anythin’ and even if I was simply tryin’ to protect my brother, I realise now he didn’t need protection from ye. Far from it, actually. I ken my apologies willna make up for lost time between ye too but I owe them to ye, anyway. I hope, in time, ye’ll forgive me, Claire.”

“Thank you, Jenny,” Claire said sincerely, touched at the apology. “I can’t promise you there won’t be a little part of me who won’t resent you for what you said to me twenty years ago before I left but...I was young and naive, I should have known better. Now, your brother and I are together. We’re happy and about to be parents. I don’t want to waste time being angry for something that happened all those years ago. You were like a sister to me --”

“I hope in time I can be again,” Jenny said softly.

“Yes,” Claire answered with a kind smile and hugged Jenny.

“Thank ye,” The Scot helps her close.

**********

Jamie and Claire spent the rest of the day at Lallybroch, simply lazing around the fire and catching up with Jenny. They decided to stay for the night since Claire was crawling with sleep and the pouring rain made the road back practically impossible to drive on.

Claire laid awake in bed, listening to Jamie’s breathing and watching him sleep peacefully -- almost envious of it. 

For her, sleep was a foreign concept at the moment. When she wasn’t up to go pee, she was up because of reflux. When she wasn’t walking to soothe her back pain, she was moving around in bed to find a comfortable way to sleep. She swore she wouldn’t take sleep for granted, ever again.

Since she was restless and didn’t want to listen to her husband’s snoring for much longer, Claire got up slowly and she went downstairs. Lallybroch during the night was always a peaceful place to be. With for sole company, the rustle of the wind and rain outside and the cracking wooden floor after each step.

Once in the kitchen, she opened the fridge and scanned the contents quickly. She was thirsty, she settled on some milk. She poured herself a glass and stood by the sink, looking at the window towards the garden.

Truthfully, she wasn’t very well. She had contractions since the beginning of the afternoon -- which wasn’t alarming at this point, seeing how space up they were.   
  
Sipping some milk, she leaned against the counter and stroked her belly slowly.

She didn’t know how long she had been standing there when she saw Jamie walk in the kitchen, a sleepy smile on his gorgeous face. He only wearing tartan pyjama trousers and the sight of him could have made her climb him if she hadn’t been so heavily pregnant.

“Canna sleep again?” He walked over to her and kissed her head.

“No,” Claire leaned against him, putting her glass on the table. Wrapping her arms around him, she closed her eyes and rested her mess of curls against his chest.

Jamie held her close, “I’m sorry --”

“Why?” Smiling, she looked up at him.

“Because ‘tis partly my fault ye are pregnant and canna sleep,” He kissed the tip of her nose.

“That’s true,” She grinned, tiptoeing to kiss him “But I forgive you.”

Smiling, Jamie kissed her back, “Dinna move.”

“I wasn’t planning to,” She watched as he walked away and turned on the little radio on the shelf. It wasn’t very loud but it was playing some soft jazz.

“Dance wi’ me?” Jamie looked at her with the most tender expression and held out his hand.

“Dance with you?” Her eyebrow flicked up in amusement. “Barefoot in the middle of the kitchen at 2 am?”

“Aye, exactly,” He smiled.

“You are so cute, I can never say no to you,” Claire bit her lower lip and took his hand.

“Good,” Jamie said softly, pulling her closer.

Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close, starting to dance with him slowly.

“Today went better than I expected,” She said, smiling.

“Aye, I canna disagree wi’ ye there, Sassenach,” He kissed her cheek, dancing with her.

“I’m glad things are okay with Jenny now,” She stroked his cheek, holding as close as she could.

“Thank ye for bein’...well just bein’ ye, Claire,” He leaned down to kiss her.

“Well, Jenny showed me she truly felt sorry about everything and back then, I shouldn't have listened to her. I’m glad she took the first step and actually apologise to both of us. I didn’t want the baby to grow up without knowing the only family member still alive.”

“Ye’re right,” He cupped her cheek and she melted against his touch. “I love ye sae much.”

“I love you so much too,” Smiling, she held him close, both still dancing slowly in the middle of the kitchen. It was mostly dark, safe from the moonlight reflecting inside and Claire realised how completely happy she felt, just now.

“Claire…” Jamie said softly after a minute, “Did ye…”

Slowly, Claire looked up at him, eyes wide, “Yeah….My water broke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost done and I'm overjoyed you guys are still here, following these two. Thank you for reading!


	24. A Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s it folks, this story is done. When I sat down to write a one shot back in July, I wouldn’t have thought this would turn out to have 24 chapters. Thank you for reading this story, for sticking with me even after that plot twist and for being invested in these two so much. I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it! I should write an epilogue at some point but I have no idea when this will be ready. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy this last chapter <3

Looking down, Jamie made wide eyes, realising what just happened, “Yer water broke…Ah Dhia! Yer water broke – ”

“Yes,” Claire looked at him, trying to stay calm for the two of them. It immediately crossed her mind that due to the torrential rain outside, they were pretty much stuck at Lallybroch for the night. There was no way to go to the hospital to have the baby.

Nodding, Jamie seemed at lost for words, “Sit down?”

“No,” She looked at him, cupping his cheeks. He had turned white with worry and even if he did his best not to show his panic, it was written all over his face, “Jamie first of all, please take a breath.”

“The bairn is comin’, Sassenach,” He leaned against the counter, his head turning. “Christ, I kent we should have stayed in Edinburgh. We need to get ye to the hospital immediately –”

“Well we can’t with the storm outside,” She stated, “So please calm down, the baby isn’t going to slip off me any second, alright? These things take time.”

“Aye,” He watched her, managing a smile. “Ye’re the doctor after all, eh?”

“Yes,” Indeed, she was. Not that she felt extremely comfortable giving birth at home without any nurses or her obstetrician. But seeing the weather, she knew she wouldn’t have much of a choice. Unless the bairn was ready to take its time and a nurse could get here before him or her.  _Claire doubted it._

Before she could continue, she felt a contraction and held her bump, “Ah!”

“What!?” Jamie made wide eyes, helping her sit down.

“It’s just a contraction,” Claire mumbled, taking a long breath. “I need to lay down and you need to get your sister. Surely after a hundred children, she’ll know whatever it is that I have to do because no ambulance will come here and even less a nurse, Jamie.”

“I canna leave ye here alone,” He protested, stroking her hair back.

“Help me upstairs so I can go lay down and then you’ll get your sister. My contractions aren’t close to one another, it’s not time to welcome the bairn yet, I’m sure.”

Jamie nodded and kissed her temple. He looked actually very cute trying to stay calm while helping her up the stairs.

“I’m sorry about the kitchen floor,” Claire said while walking upstairs.

“I dinna think Jenny will mind too much just now, Sassenach,” Smiling, The Scot held her hand tightly and followed her into their bedroom.

“What do ye need, mo nighean donn?” He watched her, running his fingers through his copper curls. He did so whenever he was nervous.

Claire slowly shimmied out of her soaked pyjama trousers and sat down on the bed, “Truly, I’m fine. I’ll lay down, just go wake your sister.”

_Fine was an overstatement._ Claire realised she had felt contractions for most of the day. Which meant, the baby would most likely arrive sooner than she had intended or promised Jamie.

“I’ll be back in a second,” Jamie kissed her head, “Scream if ye need me, aye?”

“Yes,” Claire couldn’t help but smile at him before taking a long breath at the next contraction.  

While Jamie went to get his sister, Claire laid down against the pillows and closed her eyes. _It will be fine._   _Everything will be fine._ She whispered over and over to herself, trying to calm down.

Her hands rested on her bump, rubbing slowly and waiting for the next contraction to hit.

Claire didn’t know how long it took for Jamie to be back, quickly followed by his sister who seemed to have snapped out of slumber in a second. Jenny, compared to her brother, looked calmer. Something that helped Claire more than she would admit.

“Claire,” Jenny said softly, sitting on the bed and took her hand.

She looked at her, “Sorry for waking you up, Jenny.”

“Dinna be daft,” The scot couldn’t help but smile, “I wasna sleepin’ verra well wi’ the storm outside anyway. Jamie just told me yer water broke, aye?”

“Yes,” Claire nodded as best as she could. “And my contractions are closer than what they should be right now. Actually, I think I’ve been having them for most of the day.”

“Aye, ye ken it can happen,” Jenny squeezed her hand in reassurance, “Dinna worry, ye are a doctor and I’ve been through this a million times. Everythin’ will be just fine.”

“What do ye need?” Jamie chimed in, looking at his sister desperately.

“Ye go and get water, a lot of it because she’s goin’ to be verra thirsty. And ye ken what else to get, brother,” Jenny looked up at him, “I’ll stay here wi’ her and try to soothe the pain and see how far she is already.”

Claire looked at Jamie, smiling to reassure him she was and would be fine, no matter what. They never needed words to communicate.  _Never will_. Jamie silently acquiesced and returned the smile before he quickly stormed out of the room.

“Tell me how ye are feelin’ truly, Claire,” Jenny looked at her, “Ye dinna need to be calm for me, I’m no’ goin’ to panic like Jamie.”

“I’m okay…I just –” Claire sat up slowly, with the help of the scot, “I just wasn’t expecting to happen right now. My due date isn’t for another two weeks and usually, first babies are always late.”

“Aye, usually,” Jenny grinned, “This wee one is a Fraser. Always rushin’ and wi’out patience!”

“Right,” She chuckled softly, leaning against the headboard, “You’re right.”

“Look,” Jenny took her hand again, “Claire I promise ye everythin’ will be just fine. I promise ye the bairn will be okay. Ye will be okay. Ye can do it.”

Nodding, Claire managed a weak smile despite the tightening shooting through her body. “Jenny…if something happens to me –”

“No, dinna say that. Nothin’ will –”

“Please, listen,” She took a long breath before continuing, “If something happens to me, you’ll take care of Jamie, right?”

“Aye, I promise,” Jenny wrapped her arms around her and hugged her carefully. “But nothin’ will happen to ye, Claire. Nor the bairn. I willna let it happen.”

Jamie had never spoken of the subject during the pregnancy but his mother had died in childbirth, along with their little brother. He was terrified the same thing would happen to Claire and the bairn. She heard him pray many times whenever he thought she was asleep.

Claire held her sister in law close for a moment, her fists tightly shut.

“Do ye feel like the contractions are coming closer to one another, now?” Jenny asked, pulling back after an instant to look at Claire.

“Yes, they’re pretty close.”

“Ye’re going to lay down and I’ll see what’s goin’ on down there, aye?”

Nodding, Claire moved slightly to lay down again.

“No matter what, if the bairn is comin’ ye’re goin’ to feel it yerself, Claire, trust me on that.”

“Alright,” Claire managed to mumble during another contraction. She often wondered if she would take the medication during labour or not but now that the option wasn’t available, she had no choice but to go without.

“I’m back,” Jamie walked into the room holding a bottle of water in one hand and towels in another. “How are ye, Sassenach?”

Jenny got up before Claire could answer, “I’ll go get wet cloths, I think the bairn is goin’ to arrive sooner than ye both thought.”

Jamie stared at his sister walking out of the bedroom and turned to look at Claire, “Sassenach…is she sayin’ the truth?”

“She’s right,” She said through scarce breaths, “It’s going to be fine, Jamie.”

“Aye, of course ‘tis,” The scot sat down on the bed, opening the bottle of water, “Take some, a nighean.”

Claire sat up slowly again, carefully taking some sips of water with his help, “Thank you.”

“‘Tis goin’ to be alright, Sassenach,” Jamie stroked her hair back, “I ken it will.”

“I’m scared,” She looked at him, finally admitting it. She had more and more difficulties breathing. Which her panic didn’t help much.  “I’m scared because it’s not the way it was supposed to go, Jamie. I had everything figured out, I thought I’d be safe at the hospital with the nurses and my doctor but –”

“Claire,” Jamie took her hand, bringing it to his lips. “I ken ye are scared right now. I am terrified and I’m no’ even the one givin’ birth. Ye are the strongest and bravest lass I know. No matter what, scared or no’, ye can do it, Sassenach. And I willna leave yer side.”

Cupping his cheeks, Claire brought his face down and sealed their lips for a long moment. Ignoring everything going on around her. The pain in her body. The storm outside. His kisses soothed her.  _Always_.

“I need to lay on my side,” She said softly and changed position slowly.

“Do ye want me to massage yer lower back, Sassenach?”

“Yes please,” She smiled, at that.

Jamie kissed her head before kneeling down on the floor next to the bed. Slowly, he started to massage her back to help the pain. “‘Tis yer last chance to bet if the bairn is a lad or a lass, Sassenach.”

“I think it’s a boy,” She closed her eyes, stroking her belly.

“I think it’s a lass,” Jamie smiled, massaging thoroughly, “Does that help?”

“Yes, thank you, darling.”

Jenny walked back inside, with more water and cloths, “How are ye doin’ Claire?”

“I think you’re right about the baby about to come soon,” She looked at Jenny, “My contractions are surely less than three minutes apart. I feel like pushing. Or soon, anyway.”

“Ye’re going to sit against the pillows, aye? Jamie ye can get behind her if ye want, to hold her and all.”

Jamie got up quickly and helped Claire up before moving behind her carefully. She leaned back against him, closing her eyes.

“I’m here,” He whispered in her ear, taking her hands, “Ye can do this, Sassenach.”

Claire couldn’t remember how long everything lasted. She didn’t know how many times she pushed, her screams echoing in the room. She didn’t remember the pain she experienced nor the fact she almost crushed Jamie’s hands while she was through the task of giving birth. She couldn’t feel the exhaustion rooted behind her lids nor the ache in her legs.

All she knew was that the second Jenny laid a crying and dirty baby on her chest, Claire was speechless.  _It was that simple._

“‘Tis a girl!” Jenny exclaimed happily, her own cheeks wet with tears of happiness.

“‘Tis a girl, Sassenach!” Jamie was smiling widely, eyes glued on their child.

“Hello there,” Claire whispered, the tip of her fingers touching their daughter. She was in awe. In awe and slightly scared to break her. “Oh, you’re so beautiful, my darling…”

“Just like her mam,” Jamie whispered, looking at the two loves of his life.

Claire reluctantly took her eyes off the baby to look at him. She didn’t think she could love him more than she did just now. Her heart about to burst with happiness. “I love you so much.”

“And I ye, Sassenach. Ye did so well,” Jamie leaned down and sealed their lips before whispering. His eyes were shiny from tears. His cheeks wet. “Thank ye so much for her.”

“Thank you,” She rested her forehead against his, holding the baby against her.

_Their daughter._

**********

When Claire woke up, she had no idea how long she had been sleeping. Nor when did she had fallen asleep. She recalled Jenny taking care of the bairn and cleaning her up. She recalled having held Jamie for a long moment, both silent and happy. She recalled feeding her daughter for the first time. Her body was exhausted but she recalled every single detail.

It was morning. That much was clear from the sun peeking through the window and dazzling her sleepy eyes. The stormed seemed to have stopped. That much was clear.

Rubbing her eyes, Claire yawned and turned her head slightly – the sight made her heart almost burst.

Jamie was walking around slowly, holding their daughter in his arms and whispering to her in Gaelic. It was the same story he told her when she was in the womb.

“Sassenach,” Jamie said softly, his smile widening once he realised she was awake.

Smiling back, Claire sat up slowly, eyes glued on her two favourite gingers. “Morning.”

He sat up on the bed, kissing her temple, “How are ye feelin’?”

“Truthfully? I feel like a truck drove me over but –” Her eyes drifted to their daughter, peacefully asleep in her father’s arms, “I don’t even mind.”

Jamie looked down, smiling, “She is perfect. Ten fingers and ten toes, counted them myself while ye slept.”

“Ten fingers, ten toes,” She repeated, smile widening. She stroked the peachy fuzz on their daughter’s head, “She looks peaceful in your arms. Can’t blame her –”

The Scot sealed their lips, smiling, “She is so small, I’m scarrit to break her…”

“I almost broke your hand last night, I’m sorry about that,” She chuckled softly, resting her forehead against his. She couldn’t help but watch their daughter.

“‘Tis a bit sore but nothin’ too bad,” He kissed the tip of her nose, “Ye were so strong and brave. I’m still in awe of ye, Claire.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you nor your sister –”

“Ye could have,” He smiled, “I ken it. Now I have my two braw lasses wi’ me, I’m in good hands.”

“We’re in good hands,” She whispered, kissing him tenderly. “I guess the midwife will come in a bit? What time is it?”

“Still early but aye. Jenny called her soon after ye fell asleep and she said she’ll come once the roads are good again,” He gently rocked the baby.

“I ken it wasna the most ideal birth nor the one ye imagined Sassenach but I’m glad the ween was born at Lallybroch.”

“I’m glad that everything went well,” She stroked his cheek, “I got scared for a second but we’re both good and healthy. And now we have a great story to tell,” She smiled.

“Aye,” He kissed her gently before looking down at the baby. “We still need to name the ween, Sassenach. Or we could simply call her Ween –”

Claire chuckled softly, “It is a very cute name but I doubt she’ll be very grateful to us once she starts school.”

“I ken we settled on Aila or Quentin but I dinna find them to suit her verra well.”

“I agree,” She stroked her daughter’s cheek slowly. “I actually like Lennon.”

“Lennon? ‘Tis a cute name but for a wee lass?” Jamie frowned, looking at her.

“Well,” Claire smiled, “In my first year of residency, a little girl was admitted to the emergency because she broke her arm. Nothing serious, still it was supposed to hurt but she didn’t cry. She was the cutest, so curious and funny. Always asking me questions about what I was doing. And she was in love with my hair, her words, not mine. Ever since then, I loved that name.”

“Lennon Fraser,” Jamie said with a smile, “‘Tis doesna sound bad, Sassenach. I like it. “I think she likes it too, she’s smilin’.”

“I think that was just gas,” Claire chuckled, kissing his cheek. “But Lennon it is, then.”

“ _Lenny_ ,” Jamie whispered, kissing his daughter’s nose.

Watching her husband with their child, Claire felt a rush of something she had never experienced before. It wasn’t happiness, it was something even stronger than that. Something she had no words for. It was almost too much. Making her want to weep. Heart cracking in the best possible way. She had imagined this many times. Too many times. But nothing had come close to what she was actually feeling right now. The family she had dreamt of all those years ago was finally hers to have. 

_**The end.** _


End file.
